Remember when "Bruno" fell bare-assed into Eminem's lap at the MTV Movie Awards? Well, the fine folks over at Fox & Friends were so offended by that tasteless skit that they went outside to play football with women in lingerie!

Ever since Bruno rubbed his balls in Eminem's face at the MTV Movie Awards, Fox & Friends has felt scared and alone. Steve Doocy wants to pretend it never happened, Gretchen Carlson can't get over the pantlessness, and Brian Kilmeade just refuses to believe that it was a hoax.

The consummate professionals at the Fox & Friends morning show discussed Chris Brown and Rihanna's music careers this morning with all the sensitivity you've come to expect. Which is exactly none.

Forget simple rational reasoning. The Fox & Friends crew can't even say a damn catchphrase right. When talking about The Simpsons this morning, Gretchen Carlson and friends did a long string of terrible "D'oh"s.

What will the Obama years mean for Fox News? Plenty of MSNBC bashing; Rush Limbaugh martyrdom; and conservative think tank hacks complimenting conservative media hacks. This video compilation foreshadows four years of fairness and balance.

Two months ago, the Today show's Hoda Kotb swore "I don't drink really that much!" Really? This compilation is an intervention. Hoda, you may drink more than the entire cast of Fox & Friends.

Fox & Friends anchor Brian Kilmeade says a man stuck on a ski lift with his ass hanging out should "get a Vaseline sponsorship," so he can "slide two fingers in." Plus: "Stimulus."

Skeletal oddity Ann Coulter was "BANNED BY NBC," but now she's making the rounds of the fair networks to bleat about her own victimhood:

The holiday season gives an ever-scrutinized media elite the one true liberation: That feeling no one's really watching! The madness descends in this clip from Fox and Friends:

Oh, the fun they have on Fox & Friends. Karl Rove is brandishing a shoe and screaming "DOOCY!" and then he makes a joke about when Bush met Putin, and everyone is just having a ball.

No explanation of the Twilight Phenomenon™ would likely be complete without such sizable insights as Kathie Lee Gifford's and the authoritative cultureklatsch at Fox and Friends. The latter group's ownership of the story — as evidenced by last Friday's extraordinary investigative study of "babes" headed to the multiplex in droves — continues today with a more think-y survey of how the chaste-vampire genre trumps the more occult flavor of the Harry Potter series, but over on TodayKathie Lee diclosed the real trick nudging Twilight toward box-office immortality: Teen girls are more into romance than sex. And those who aren't will be after the dressing-down delivered here. Failing the ready availability of another tween-friendly franchise, Hollywood would do well to bottle this and sell it.

Oh Fox & Friends, you so crazy! This morning the disastrous Fox News morning Gabberwocky turned its sad wrinkly visage upon dessicated singer Madonna's atomic divorce from film director Guy Ritchie and her crazy "Madonna's Reasons Why Not" list of rules for Ritchie's child visitation rights. And in the middle of it Steve Doocy said "breast" when he meant to say "blessed." And then human Flowbee Gretchen Carlson revealed that she knows the term "Freudian." Chuckling! We are chuckling! Watch the inane clip above.

A while back, Hillary Clinton supporter Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild announced her support of John McCain. De Rothschild—whose title and name, keep in mind, is Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild—said Barack Obama was too elitist. Then, the lifelong Democrat wrote a column about how Obama's plan to raise the top marginal tax rate 4% was American Dream-destroying Communazism. So, as an idiot with no understanding of policy or ideology beyond identity politics, it's understandable that de Rothschild is on the TV defending fellow idiot Sarah Palin. John McCain's hail mary attempt to woo women voters by selecting a disastrously unqualified and wrongheaded running mate with an all-important vagina worked on precisely one woman, Lady Lynn Forester de Rothschild.

What exactly is happening over at Fox and Friends, America's drunkest morning show? As far as we can tell, this clip shows Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy playing the "Who Can Stare At Each Other Longest Without Laughing?" game while reporting on a killer earthquake in Pakistan. Then they just start showing murder scene video for no reason, which really causes extensive sputtering. Why is the Fox and Friends control room making Brian Kilmeade appear to support death? Click to watch.

Ok. A couple things to note here. The Fox and Friends morning crew are actually stupider than the stupidest people currently participating in the national discourse, because they don't understand the basic tenets of Biblical Literalism or creationism (or they're just pretending not to). But more importantly: the guy who isn't Steve Doocy totally referenced Fox mascot Bill O'Reilly's famous meltdown, on Fox, and cracked everyone up. It's... weird. This show creeps us out, even when it is "funny."

Fox & Friends is not just a forum for Fox News to bash people who made fun of the network's bedbug infestation or wrote factual news stories; it's also an opportunity for the show's Beckham-loving hosts to get drunk in the morning, piss off Donald Trump, and issue warnings about Paris Hilton tossing dwarfs. Click to watch this montage of inexplicable clips, all taken from today's show. "What you need to knew..to do..to avoid a new VIRUS!"