Earlier today a Fox Business Network yapper dared point out that there is absolutely no way you will ever win the lottery, because you won’t, you dunce. But this position is for some reason intolerable at Fox, which demands that you waste your money on Powerball tickets, and so the dissenter was yelled at on TV.

Fox News contributor and former U.S. Army Lt. Col. Ralph Peters was suspended for two weeks on Monday after calling President Barack Obama “a total pussy.”

Financial reporter Charlie Gasparino broke some news, and to celebrate, Fox Business aired a segment entitled "Charlie Breaks and Brags," in which the scrappy blowhard reveals his source: an intern, whose name he wrote on a post-it note.

Today on Fox Business News, Sarah Palin endorsed deemphasizing marijuana law enforcement! Obviously this means she's a huge stoner, right?

In his announcement that last night's broadcast would be his last for CNN, Lou Dobbs reassured viewers that he is "considering a number of options and directions" next. Which one will he choose? Let's set the odds.

Hold for a second the vitriol that Roger Ailes usually inspires. The Fox News boss is worth watching-not so much for his abuse-inviting impersonation of a corpulent former Nixonite but as a financial indicator of a market top. The cable news network Ailes started for Australian media mogul Rupert Murdoch-though a remarkable ratings success-marked the high-water-mark of the Republican ascendancy. A month after the launch of Fox News in October 1996, Bill Clinton came back from the political dead and ascendant Congressional Republicans under Newt Gingrich suffered their first big reverse. So is there an Ailes jinx? Well, take a look at the stock market. Ailes' Fox Business News was supposed to be a news channel with less of the gloom and doom of competitors such as CNBC. Since the start of broadcasting in October last year-right at the peak of the market-the S&P stockmarket index is down more than 15% (click to enlarge graph). If Ailes threatens to launch any new channels, sell!

Eric Starkman, of PR agency Starkman & Associates, argues that Fox Business News is not a complete disaster. One show, in particular, is so dreadful that it makes compelling viewing. So, again, Roger Ailes is a genius! Even when he's not.

6,000 weekday viewers: now that's embarrassing. Somebody has to carry the can for the disastrous launch of Fox Business News, the News Corporation's cable channel. But not Roger Ailes, that's for sure. The Murdoch henchman's reputation as a media genius — built on the destruction of the Dukakis campaign and CNN's dominance of round-the-clock news — is too well cemented. What's the betting that Roger Ailes, an adept corporate infighter, will offer up sidekick Kevin McGee instead to assuage the wrath of Murdoch?

No need to bother with transcripts. Here's a clip of Fox Business News's scoop from this morning. FBN reported Apple purchased 8.1 percent of chipmaker AMD. But then, oh wait. Never mind. Still, sounds like it would have been a real swell idea.

You heard about Abu Dubai snapping up 8.1 percent of AMD? Well, FBN anchor Alexis Glick read the tape wrong as the news came across the wire and announced Apple invested in the chipmaker. This led to a good three minutes of hjinx as contributor Charles Payne analyzed the news. When Glick tried to correct herself, it just got worse. SAI transcribed the whole thing, but here's an excerpt: