TAMPA, Fla.— These are the contents of the free swag bags handed out to all credentialed media at the 2012 Republican Convention:

As you well know by now, we at Defamer are committed to bringing you, the free-ice cream and Tori Spelling-loving people, regular updates on where you can access either of these phlegm-inducing guilty pleasures in the greater Los Angeles area. But we ask that you now hold on to your proverbial hats, as both of these planets are set to collide in a star system called Burbank: Tomorrow, Tori will climb behind that branch's counter to dole out samples of their new soft serve ice cream, in celebration of vaguely lactic holiday, "Bump Day." From the press release: