In an effort to quell the frantic conservative Twitter eggs currently running amok online, Mark Zuckerberg has resorted to a line of recourse that seems almost too good to be true (for everyone who’s not Mark Zuckerberg). Because this coming Wednesday, the Facebook man who struggles to understand basic social cues is going to be forced to sit in a room with conservative lunatic Glenn Beck and 11 other “conservative thought leaders.” Sometimes dreams really can come true.

That attractive graphic up there represents a plan put forth by a group of liberty lovers who’d like to see New York state split into two “autonomous regions”: New York, below, composed of the city plus Long Island and Westchester and Rockland Counties, and New Amsterdam, above, composed of everything else. If that sounds appealing to you, you can attend their rally on Sunday.

The New York Times reports that Andrew Ross, a professor at New York University, was barred this weekend from flying to Abu Dhabi, in the United Arab Emirates, where NYU maintains a fancy, newly built campus:

Today marks the opening of the 2015 Triennial at Manhattan's New Museum, billed as "the only recurring international exhibition in New York City devoted to early-career artists from around the world." From the looks of things, there's a lot of art to wade through, but in the eternal quest for virality, one work has emerged an early standout.

"The last woman you heard from said it's a person's First Amendment right to hang a poster like that on a pole, and she said it was also her freedom of speech right to take down that poster, and throw it in the garbage." Brooklynites would rather not be told to "dress modestly" in public.

"The latrines are indeed kind of full. My eyes water with the smell of freedom." GQ's Zach Baron ventured out to Bunkerville and wrote the ultimate postmortem on Cliven Bundy, his army encampment of misanthropes, and the American revolution that wasn't.

With the release of Glenn Greenwald's new book about Edward Snowden, it is once again time to fire up the bizarre parade of media pundits condemning the practice of journalism. Up today: Michael Kinsley.

Caity: What we learned yesterday is that no one should ever go to the Statue of Liberty under any circumstances.

There are two ways to mark yourself as an unrepentant splotchy engorged asshole in a Chipotle. One is to order the quesarito at rush hour. The other is to order anything with a semiautomatic assault rifle in your arms, at the ready. One of these is going away. It's not the quesarito.

Racist cattle rustler, impressionist historian and de facto warlord Cliven Bundy emailed his faithful disciples this afternoon to inform them that even though the federal government is evil and terrible, they won't be suing the feds for not shooting him, because of some incoherent reasons:

A Missouri man convicted of robbery in 2000 wasn't sent to prison until a clerical error was discovered in 2013, on the day his sentence would have ended. On Monday, a judge ordered him set free.

They came to defend an old cattleman and their principles of life, liberty, and property. But apparently other rightful property owners in rural Nevada don't feel terribly free under the security regime recently built around them by the militiamen protecting rancher Cliven Bundy.

They've shoved health care down your throat, and they've tried to take your cows' freedom of movement away. What will Hussein Obummer and his commissars do next? He'll seize your state's attack choppers and leave you at the mercy of martial law, that's what. Wake up, sheeple!

Bloodshed was averted and a bunch of freedom-loving, gut-hanging-over-the-brass-belt-buckle, self-styled militia men declared victory Monday in a major armed standoff with federal and local officials over one bubba's right to graze his cattle on taxpayer land in Nevada.

Good news: Uncle Sam's terrorist-watchin' lawmen would like a database that shows the whereabouts of every car with a license plate that's recently been scanned by a government tag reader. Does that freak you out? Here's better news: They want a private contractor to run it.

Perhaps you've never heard of Sabine Parish, Louisiana, up on the Texas border. It's most famous as the birthplace of Christopher Columbus Nash, who created the White League, a Christian white men's club like the KKK, except its members weren't anonymous. Old habits apparently die hard.

A federal court in Wisconsin* ruled last Friday that the First Amendment invalidates a 1921 section of the US tax code that allowed religious leaders to get tax-free payments to cover their living expenses, separate from their salaries. Oh wait, you didn't realize religious leaders get their living expenses paid tax-free?

A woman who received a life sentence as a teenager after she fatally stabbed a pimp who sexually abused her will be released on parole after 19 years served, thanks to California Governor Jerry Brown who decided not to challenge the state parole board's decision to free her.

Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop has been arrested again on drug charges, only a year after his last run-in with the law.

As the world waits with bated breath for the emergence of the latest—and cutest—member of the British Royal Family, allow us to put forth a gentle reminder: In a just world, this innocent child would be going up for adoption, since its family would have been imprisoned for crimes against humanity.