Why Does Chipotle Hate Freedom?
There are two ways to mark yourself as an unrepentant splotchy engorged asshole in a Chipotle. One is to order the quesarito at rush hour. The other is to order anything with a semiautomatic assault rifle in your arms, at the ready. One of these is going away. It's not the quesarito.
Take a good look at that picture: two honorable, decent patriotic citizens exercising their constitutional right to scare the fuck out of Dallas-area burrito-munchers. As my colleague Dayna pointed out last night, it's never going to happen again.
But why? Isn't the Constitution pretty open-and-shut on carrying gas-powered semiauto magazine-fed rifles into hormone-free fast-food chains? Answer me this, communist moms who hate extra freedom sauce on your quesadillas: What part of that concept did the founding fathers not foresee?
On Monday, burrito chain Chipotle issued a statement asking customers who aren't law enforcement officers to leave their weapons at home because "the display of firearms in our restaurants has now created an environment that is potentially intimidating or uncomfortable for many of our customers."
It all started last weekend when gun rights activists affiliated with Open Carry Texas brought military-style assault rifles into a Dallas-area Chipotle, scaring some customers.
Open Carry Texas founder C.J. Grisham told Forbes that the armed trip to Chipotle was not a demonstration, but simply a meal following an event. "We don't go there just to carry guns into a restaurant," he said. "We always let the manager know we're coming. We try very hard to make people feel comfortable."
Yes, Grisham—a troll who was arrested last year for arguing with a cop over his AR-15, openly claims to suffer PTSD from his Iraq deployments, and recently made news for his group's intimidation of anti-gun moms, including shooting one in effigy—tries very hard to make people feel comfortable in every way possible, except for maybe by putting away the fucking guns.
Grisham's group excommunicated the small gaggle of freedom-lovers who organized this particular Chipotle charge, but no matter; the damage was already done. (Not physical damage, like when a gun-loving Chipotle patron drops his loaded firearm and it lodges a slug near a family eating their tortilla chips, but you know what I mean.)
Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, a Bloomberg-backed group, spread the above photo of Cletus and Judd, along with a "Burritos, not Bullets" petition asking Chipotle to ban open-carry in their restaurants. The restaurant eventually agreed in a statement that suggests gun crazies have simply gotten too crazy for business:
Historically, we felt it enough to simply comply with local laws regarding the open or concealed carrying of firearms, because we believe that it is not fair to put our team members in the uncomfortable position of asking that customers refrain from bringing guns into our restaurants.
However, because the display of firearms in our restaurants has now created an environment that is potentially intimidating or uncomfortable for many of our customers, we think it is time to make this request.
Poor Second Amendment Men, boned by capitalism. That's gotta sting. Not as bad as, say, a faulty discharge in a Chipotle, but still, pretty bad.
