Burger King is quietly phasing out its lower-calorie "Satisfries" after less than a year, because—let's face it—this is America.

Multinational corporate food stuffer McDonald's has decided to spice up your starch intake with a drizzle of seasoning. Soon, at your local St. Louis or northern California hamburger supply chain, you'll be able to get Zesty Ranch, Garlic Parmesan, or Spicy Buffalo flavor packets to mix onto your french fries. With instructions.

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

Our sister site Kotaku already explained the phenomenon of "Potato Parties" at length, but here's a tl;dr:

Police arrested a Massachusetts man for allegedly assaulting his stepdaughter with a dangerous weapon. His weapon of choice? A batch of McDonald's French fries.

Everyone agrees that a man was shot in in Philadelphia on Monday following an argument. What they can't agree about is why: Was he shot for eating his friend's cake, or for eating his friend's French fries?

The good news: Americans are starting to eat out at fast food restaurants again, celebrating our nascent economic recovery with fried flash-frozen potatoes. The bad news: one fast food giant is "rethinking" its french fries—imperiling American fry nostalgia.

You can't have a hamburger without a side of fries. Heck, French fries are sometimes a meal unto themselves, but either way there's no getting around the fact that they're unhealthy. Here's a ranking of the worst offenders in America.