• In an attempt to save face in light of his estranged wife Denise Richards' claims that he's a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem, Charlie Sheen takes to Entertainment Tonight to make his case. Working against him, however, is the fact that only a drugged-up porn freak with a gambling problem would think a celebrity fluff show is the proper venue to do such a thing. [ET]
• Did Paris Hilton lose her Bentley in a poker game? Doubtful — we imagine she's quite good, actually. That lazy eye must make her impossible to read. [OCN]
• After getting slammed in the reviews of her Broadway debut, Julia Roberts does what any heartbroken women would do: She runs to Oprah. [Gatecrasher]
• Pearl Jam frontman Eddie Vedder preps for his tour by getting wasted and singing Up Where We Belong. [Page Six]
• Bill Clinton steals the show at Ted Kennedy's book party. Obviously. [R&M]
• Recipe for the most random gossip item ever: Take one $900 Hermes blanket, mix with Lindsay Lohan, Brett Ratner, and a bikini-clad Zeta Graff. Serve with unimaginable stupidity. [Page Six]

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New York City businesses forced to deal with another morning of transit strike-stranded staffers will be thrilled to know that yesterday, most of their employees "working from home" were making the most out of their time away from the office (and Websense). According to a sweet little press release we've received:

• Have we mentioned lately that we are just plain creeped out by Dov Charney? That's not news to anyone, of course, but we just are. Alex Blagg doesn't care for him either, for different reasons. [BlaggBlogg]
• Katie Couric gets a mammogram — watch free. There would've been a screengrab posted earlier, but the segment destroyed our television. [Today Show]
• The timing of these subway warnings was a liiiitle suspicious, if you ask CBS' "Public Eye," and then they ask someone else. [PublicEye]
• Our brother who won't admit he has a problem says the odds are 4/1 that Mayor Mike will keep it real in the face of terror. [Oddjack]
• Yes, we know Esquire named Jessica Biel the sexiest woman alive. What you may not know is that Esquire is published in the universe where Angelina Jolie tragically died at the hands of Jennifer Aniston over the summer. [CNN]
• Some New Yorkers didn't get the memo: BE MORE SCARED. [Alicublog]

We've just received terribly important updates in our two pet stories to close out the week. First, from the Observer's Media Mob: