The next time you feel like paying hundreds of dollars to swim with a bunch of hungover orange dudes on the roof of the Hotel Gansevoort, you might want to consider the implications. The Post ran some tests on six swimming pools across New York, and the Gansevoort came in last:

• A look around Provocateur, the new club by ex-Stereo partners Mike Satsky and Brian Gefter that opens this week at the Gansevoort hotel. [GS]
• The latest in the Tavern on the Green saga: It's possible the landmark will be forced to shut down completely on Jan. 1 unless the mayor intervenes. [NYP]
• It looks like street cart sushi is not coming to NYC anytime soon. Alas. [ML]
• Speaking of food carts, let this be a lesson to never cut in line for falafel.
• Gourmet's collection of 3,500 cookbooks has a new home at NYU. [NYT]
• On Regis and Kelly today Anderson Cooper professed "his love for a bakery called 'Milk' [sic] next to a Japanese [sic] restaurant called Momofuku." [SE]

• The Tavern on the Green saga continues: The LeRoy family has hired a marketing firm to sell the restaurant's name, but that may not be legal. [NYT]
• La Goulue closed this summer after losing its lease. Now it has a new location on East 63rd Street, though it's unclear if it'll be allowed to serve booze. [GS]
• The unstoppable Michael Huynh has several new spots planned. [Eater, IC]
• Closings: Harbour on Hudson Street appears to have gone under; Abraço in the East Village is temporarily closed and plans to reopen in a couple of days.
• Noel Ashman says his new lounge, opening "in the near future" somewhere "downtown," is "a mix" between Soho House, Veruka, and Bungalow 8. [GS]
• The Gansevoort Hotel in Miami has gone into foreclosure, but that won't have any impact on its New York sibling or its restaurant/rooftop bar. [MH]
• Rocco DiSpirito is currently staging a "local comeback," apparently. [NYP]

• According to Epicurious, the best burger in NYC is at DuMont's. [Epicurious]
• Mike Satsky and Brian Gefter, owners of the now-shuttered Stereo, plan to open a new spot called Provocateur in the Gansevoort Hotel this fall. [P6]
• The long-delayed, brunch-only spot Permanent Brunch opens Monday. [GS]
• A roundup of recent restaurant closings around town. [Eater]
• A roundup of where various celebs supposedly dined this week. [GS]
• That video of Gwyneth Paltrow cooking roast chicken? Until recently, she claimed she was a vegan and hadn't eaten meat in 15 years. [NYDN]

Were you aware that the Gansevoort Hotel is "the new Hamptons"? We had no idea either. But if that isn't an exciting enough prospect for you, the hotel also says its new weekend rooftop pool party is going to bring "the sexy St. Tropez feel to New York City every weekend." The Hamptons and St. Tropez all in one place? How convenient! Details below.