Good news for people who like good news about cats who like bad news: Grumpy Cat, the Internet's most beloved foul-tempered feline, has signed a deal to star in a "Garfield-like" family movie about a talking cat.

After analyzing the survey responses of over 340,000 Americans, researchers at New York's Stony Brook University have concluded that people hate Mondays just as much as they hate Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.

Hugh Jackman eats the equivalent of this child's body mass every day. (Roughly.) Miley Cyrus gets a regrettable tattoo. Nicole Kidman says Tom Cruise "really damaged" her. Dianna Agron is engaged. TGIFriday gossip.

Thanksgiving is over, but you need something to watch while scarfing down leftovers, so why not watch this 1989 television masterpiece? You're never too old for cynical cartoon cats listening to Lou Rawls classics like "Make Thanksgiving One Full Meal."

Yesterday was Veteran's Day. So it was more than a little surprising that the joke for the day's Garfield strip was about an "annual day of remembrance" called "National Stupid Day." Does Garfield support the troops?!

We all know Homer Simpson is a big fan of food, but it's really not until you lay his daily food intake out onto a single table that you get an idea of how much of a glutton he is.

"Accused double-murderer asks paper to bring back 'Garfield.'" Unsurprising.

What do average Americans count on for comic relief in these troubled times? Salvia clips on YouTube and G-spot enlargement injections, right? No, those are elitist coastal pastimes. Readers of Denver's Rocky Mountain News have a keener funny bone: "More than 2,000 readers wrote, e-mailed and called our comics hot line after the strip was dropped. Many Garfield fans told us that in these troubled times, they counted on the comic relief of their longtime favorite strip." Huh. And just the other day someone was saying that there were smart people in Denver. [RMN via Westword]

Sometimes Denton will send me some link and I will say "OLD! Defamer had it in January!" Because I read the entire Internet every day, which is why I am such a miserable bastard and no one really enjoys talking to me anymore. Anyway, that "Garfield without Garfield" thing is funny, isn't it? But it's not as clever as ARBUCKLE, the comic where Garfield remains in the strip but his thought bubbles are removed, which makes it all even more existential and depressing. (Also some of those photoshopped strips have been floating around message boards for years people.) (Seriously, I'm becoming completely intolerable to be around.) [Arbuckle, Garfield Minus Garfield]

The Internet has a successor to the classic Fensler Film G.I. Joe parodies. "Fatal Farm," creators of the series of remixed TV theme videos that got kinda popular last year, have finally produced a winner. It's Lasagna Cat, a series of live reenactments of Garfield cartoon strips with canned laughter followed by head-throbbing dance videos. The whole thing feels like it's out of Mr. Mike's Mondo Video (or the last act of "Shrooms"), and I just wanted you to be among the first to see it before it takes the Internet by storm. Well, the part of the Internet not already watching Tom Cruise and the kid whose glasses are famous. In fact I'll make a bet.

Defamer is committed to providing our readers with up-to-the-minute information about any changes to the release schedules of the summer's hottest blockbusters, especially when those blockbusters feature the wisecracking, lasagna-lovingest feline to ever creep across the big screen on little CGI cat feet.