The Richard Nixon Presidential Library and Museum has released Nixon's 1975 testimony to a grand jury investigating the criminal conspiracy that was his presidency.

Day two of bad news for the Air Force's vaunted mortuary affairs operation at Dover, Delaware, where our nation's war dead are lovingly and respectfully welcomed home. Yesterday we learned that the Air Force is known to lose a body part or two on occasion. Today we come to find that for most of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars it disposed of loose unidentified body parts by burning them and throwing them in a landfill.

Dreamy closet case and CNN's chief hurricane correspondent Anderson Cooper's life isn't going to get any less busy, because his daytime talk show Anderson just got renewed for a second season. That means we'll get even more reasons to get shirtless, gun shows, scary bugs, and all sorts of other wooden interactions with the audience.

Madonna explains what she looks for in a lover. Cuba Gooding's gay makeout partner speaks. Mariah Carey doesn't feel pretty unless she can "feel my bones." Kim Kardashian's former publicist stabs in her the back. Thursday gossip tells all.

When Paul Feig, the director of Bridesmaids, was invited to join WhoSay.com, a relatively new social network that describes itself as the source for "Photos and videos directly from Celebrities and Influencers," he was sure he was somehow being set up.

Andy Rooney's college roommate, Bob Ruthman, died of a heart attack today while attending the 60 Minutes staple's memorial luncheon at the Century Club in Manhattan. They lived together at Colgate University in the '40s. When you have a bunch of 90 year-olds hanging out together, this is probably a statistical inevitability. And with that, the last two remaining members of the Colgate Class of '43 went out in style.

Eccentric R&B singer R. Kelly has written an autobiography, and it's called Soula Coaster: The Diary of Me. Many have made fun of the title, but it's not all that absurd if you get into his thought process:

Saturday Night Live alum Darrell Hammond has been talking a lot about the crazy amount of drugs he did during his comedy career. In an excerpt from his new book God, If You're Not There, I'm F*cked, he talks about how rehab can be even worse than addiction.

It's time to play Match the Quote with the Political Sex Scandal! Why? Well, why not? The rules are complex, but surely you all can figure it out: You match the name of a political figure involved in a sex(ual harassment) scandal with one of his quotes from the time! See? I knew you could figure it out.

At an Australian event for I Don't Know How She Does It (Can you believe they're still promoting that movie?) Sarah Jessica Parker could not stop touching her hair. Noted: Sarah Jessica Parker is an Obsessive-Compulsive Hair-Toucher.

Two senators introduced legislation to help Facebook further evade a 47-year-old SEC disclosure rule and take on a slew of new investors. Because that's the problem in America lately, you see: Corporations are too well regulated, and we know too much about the inner workings of large, heavily capitalized institutions.

Some of the Occupy Wall Street protesters are planning a 240-mile march from NYC to DC to protest tax cuts. What will be really impressive is if they manage to maintain a drum circle the entire time.

The Supreme Court heard arguments today in a case about whether the police have the right to track your every movement electronically without a search warrant. Things got awkward when an attorney for the government conceded that, under the government's view, even Supreme Court justices could be tracked.

The Air Force's mortuary affairs department—those elite professionals who oversee the return of our nation's war dead with solemn reverence at Dover Air Force Base—has lost body parts of dead airmen on at least two occasions, according to a new government report.

Starting today, Apple Store managers will have to undergo euphemistically-titled "union awareness" training, to learn about attempts by employees to unionize. It's safe to say Apple doesn't want unions getting in the way of their creepily efficient customer service.

In Slate today, Adam Gopnik, the "Adam Gopnik's kids" correspondent for The New Yorker, explains the fine distinctions of New Yorkerania: "compare Mencken and Liebling, often mistaken as twin stylists, and you see the difference between heavy-handed Teutonic mockery and the ideal ironic, stinging, New Yorker tone."

Today we learned...well actually, we're still not quite sure what we learned from this image of Michelle Obama and Bubble Man John Cassidy today, but it made for a perfect impromptu caption contest. One commenter, though, blew the rest away.

Google proudly announced it's launching a special search engine to help veterans find jobs. That's a nice way to support returning servicemen. It's also a sop. The real way Google should help veterans is to pay its damned taxes.

Hey, everyone, President Barack Obama has officially not been secretly meeting with aliens. Thank God for the internet, which forced Obama to address this crucial issue.

Updated. After a tawdry trial featuring a clothed death photo, a naked death photo, and a slew of unbelievable sad documents illustrating the King of Pop's demise, physician Dr. Conrad Murray has been found guilty the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson.