You love your dog. Far more than your emotionally distant heart could ever love a human. And why not? Your dog never did anything but express an evolutionarily advantageous convincing simulacrum of love for you. You must show your love back. You must! But what to get Nibbles and Rocky this holiday season? Only the best.

The economy is crappier than a Porta-Potty at an outdoor electronic dance music festival. We've all got to pinch pennies, and the holidays are no exception. So, we present our top five gifts under five cents.

There is no better way to ruin someone's holiday than to arm their children with the tools to endlessly annoy them. Here are some suggestions.

Yesterday we showed you the kinds of gifts to buy people you hate. Today let's look at the gifts you get from people that you hate. It's a big difference, but if you buy one of these types of gifts, the hatred is justified.

Today we learned that the holidays are a time to show the people in your life how much they mean to you. When it comes to sending a message via the gift of a material possession unto another, it's important to be creative! One commenter was the recipient of an especially creative gift.

Welcome to Gift Guide Week at Gawker, where we instruct on how best to fritter away your hard-won dollars on meaningless tokens of consumerism, because a bastard baby was born in a pile of hay on a clear night 2000 years ago. Let's start with the people you want to cross off your shopping list: people you hate.

Sunday is Mother's Day, guys. Did you forget?? Well don't worry, you still have two more days to get something nice for the lady what made you. Here are our guaranteed-to-please gift ideas.

Buying gifts for the forced merriment of the office holiday party is a tricky endeavor. Because gift guides suck we can't tell you what to get, but we can keep you from embarrassing yourself in front of your coworkers.

Dead or alive, you cannot escape the reach of the gift guide, telling you in magazines, newspapers, and especially websites to spend, spend, spend your money on shiny, pretty things you can't afford. Why must they do this to you?

New York Observer columnist Simon Doonan writes truth: "People HATE gift guides, universally."