The economy is crappier than a Porta-Potty at an outdoor electronic dance music festival. We've all got to pinch pennies, and the holidays are no exception. So, we present our top five gifts under five cents.

Most "cheap" gift guides stop at $25—even $100. But if you're going to be cheap, be cheap. Now, you might be saying: "Pshaw. What could I possibly buy for nickel? I'm going to go take out a fourth mortgage on my home to buy my kids those Justin Bieber Xbox-enabled jet skis." That's the kind of attitude that got us in this mess in the first place, buddy! With these gifts, you can fulfill all your holiday gift-giving obligations for less than a Kit-Kat bar.

One Anise Square Candy

Ah, anise. Sweet Pimpinella anisum, to use its latin name. Show you really care about your friend or family member's throat health with a single piece of this classic licorice-tasting candy. A gift to last a lifetime… if they lick it just a tiny bit with the tip of their tongue every night before bed. Bonus: Comes pre-wrapped! Anise Squares - 1 Piece: $.05 [Old Time Candy]

1/4" Cherry Wood Plugs

For the DIY fanatic on your list! Since the beginning of time, humans have needed to plug holes, and wood plugs are among the oldest of all plugs, with a lineage that can be traced directly back to ancient Viking ship builders. This is a gift that really says, "I see that you have a 1/4 inch hole to plug." There is one small catch: You have to buy 5,000 of them to get it under five cents a piece. But you've got a lot of friends, right? Hand them out at your office Christmas party, give them to homeless people on the street. Become the Johnny Appleseed of Cherry Wood Plugs. 1/4" Cherry Wood Plugs - End Grain: $.05 (for orders of 5000+) [WidgetCo]

STB-015 3/32" OD Tubing Bender

Great for kids! The STB-015 3/32 OD Tubing Bender isn't as trendy as the latest hot toy from Mattel or Nintendo, but there's a reason it's the 293,675th best-seller in Amazon's home improvement section. But be careful: After giving little Johnny the addicting STB-015 3/32" OD Tubing Bender, he may want to bend every soft copper tube in sight! We recommend limiting his bending time to 2-3 hours a day, or twelve lengths of pipe. (Whichever comes first.) STB-015 3/32" OD Tubing Bender: $.01 [Amazon]

1965 UK Great Britain English Crown

Something for everyone! England fans, historical re-enactors specializing in the mid-60s, outdated currency aficionados, compulsive coin-flippers. Back in the day, this crown was worth 1/4 of a pound, which today is about 37 cents. That's a whole decades-worth of Christmases! 1965 English Crown (5 Shillings) Winston Churchill Commemorative coin: $.01 [Amazon]

Tiny Gemstone

Make your girlfriend or wife feel like the world's tiniest princess with the world's tiniest gemstone. Tell her to close her eyes, then hold this 1/10 inch gem in your open palm about ten centimeters from her face, then gently press a magnifying glass into her hand that she can use to actually see it. Make sure she doesn't gasp in surprised delight when she opens her eyes or she'll inhale it. Honey Amber Very Small Tiny Tiny Gemstone: $0.01 [Amazon]

Bonus: Laurey Plastic Metal Magnetic Catch

Now, this is way way way out of our price-range, but it's just too good to not include. The Laurey Plastic and Metal Magnetic Catch will delight the "design snobs" in your family. This is the magnetic catch Steve Jobs would have used if he had designed closets. Comes in a rainbow of vibrant colors, from tan to brown to dark brown. Laurey Plastic Metal Magnetic Catch, Tan: $0.49 [Amazon]