The National Pork Board sent a cease & desist order today, claiming infringement on the phrase "the other white meat," by nerd store ThinkGeek, which uses the trademarked tagline to describe sparkle-spam gag gift "Unicorn Meat."

An Australian court order is leading Heinz to give away some 2,000 tons of pineapple to Australia's homeless community, who will use the fruit for food, and building materials, and some kind of pineapple-based currency. [news.com.au]

"A nursing mother offered me a taste of her pre-pumped breast milk, and I took her up on it," announces David Sedaris, to a reporter. [NYT]

Man, our screw-up president. What did he do this time? He insulted the Queen of England with another one of his boneheaded lame "gifts!"

Here's one of the LA Times' suggestions for "D.I.Y. Gifts" this holiday season. Uh...crack? [LAT]

Here's a preposterous contrarian strategy: Evil diamond merchant De Beers is more than doubling its marketing spending this holiday season, because they have "new research showing diamond jewelry will be the number-one gift for the holidays in 2008." Oh really? Diamonds made out of compressed spam, boiled into a thin soup and served with watery Kool-Aid, maybe. De Beers says their ad campaign will be "philosophical." That philosophy is egoism with a touch of apocalypticism. [WWD]

What does pseudo-nationalist Stephen Colbert give his show's guests in their gift baskets? Lipstick and bacon, zing? No, that's just what a tired hack would say in a weak attempt at a joke, demonstrating why said hack will never be good enough to write for the Colbert Report. The paper of record infiltrated the Colbert green room and found this in the gift bags: "Bottled water. Altoids. Gum. Ground coffee. Tooth whitener. Vodka." In reverse order, that's exactly what politicians consume before going on the show. [City Room]

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, basketball legend, humanitarian, and LA Times blogger, turns 61 today. And he's not just sitting back quietly writing children's history books and skyhooking $100 bills into the garbage can; he's asking for a little birthday love from his readers! You are instructed to "send a detailed note to Kareem's manager if you can help make his birthday wishes come true." I would think he could take care of the "tropical vacation" out of his own pocket, but maybe not? After the jump, his wish list, and how YOU can help.

Are you married to a New York Times staffer? Or are you Simon Rich, spawn of Frank Rich? Thanks to an in-house Times email, we know exactly what you're getting this Christmas: "Fleece pullovers." Or maybe pens! "Avoid the holiday crowds by doing your gift shopping inside The New York Times Building," they entice. Everything's under $80!

With the holiday season now officially upon us, Variety reports on this year's expected entertainment industry gift-giving climate, and for a second straight year, things don't look good. Bosses can expect their desks to soon become cluttered by cards reading, "A donation has been made in your name to the William Morris Agency Association for the Advancment Of Agent Peoples," while those who've endured a year of blunt objects crashing off their skulls as they attempt to roll calls have another season of Chinatown-back-alley-quality electronics and edible lottery tickets. The disappointment from the downwardly-trending Hollywood gifting culture is enough to make one teary-eyed for the relatively heady days of freely exchanged baked goods: