In your laughable Thursday media column: Roger Ailes calls for unity, Brandon Holley lives the lonely life online, W's editor is leaving, and so are some editors at Harper's.

Today we took a look at Glenn Beck's approaching supernova, and you guys had lots to say. One commenter in particular really delved into the heart of the madness.

The Fox News brand used to be defined by the lying and fear-mongering of Sean Hannity and the bullying pseudo-common man narcissism of Bill O'Reilly, but now it is defined by the operatic self-aggrandizing paranoia and fear-mongering of Glenn Beck.

Tonight on Real Time, Bill Maher took Mitt Romney to task for being a "pandering shape-shifter." The real laughs came, though, when Maher unveiled a few modified versions of Romney's new book, No Apology. Video inside. Also: New Rules!

As Stephen Colbert noted tonight, it turns out that Glenn Beck's sponsors might be as crazy as the guy himself. When the apocalypse comes, make sure to have your crisis herb garden!

"He wakes up to Massa undoing his pants trying to snorkel him." Eric Massa's Navy shipmates are speaking out. Add them to the list of people Massa's touched, from Rahm Emanuel to David Paterson. This story has everything.

Salty Eric Massa did not disappoint on Glenn Beck. Did Massa "grope a male staffer"? Yes, he says. In fact, he jumped on top of him and "tickled him until he couldn't breathe." Because it was his birthday.

Former Democratic congressman Eric Massa retired from the House because he has cancer and because he was maybe constantly groping male staffers. He will be on Glenn Beck for the full hour today. Michelle Malkin is not happy about that!

In your magical Monday media column: Masshole-on-Wellesley media violence, the internet finally beats print forever, going deep into Glenn Beck, and people find jobs, miraculously.

In your exclusive Wednesday media column: another event related to the White House Correspondents' Association dinner that you will be unable to attend, Details still exists, Tina Brown on Rupert Murdoch, and new Glenn Beck book.

Washington Post-approved white humorist Dana Milbank, last seen being handed his own Sunday op-ed column, is now writing a book about Glenn Beck entitled Tears of a Clown. It will feature japes, jibes, jests, jokes, and possibly zingers. [Michael Calderone]

Two of the most overly dramatic—and annoying—people on TV are celebrating birthdays today: CNBC's Jim Cramer is turning 55; Glenn Beck of Fox News turns 45. Good Morning America's new anchor, George Stephanopoulos, is 49. Bob Iger, the CEO of Disney, is 59. Former Mets outfielder and failed financial guru Lenny Dykstra is 47. Actress Laura Dern is turning 43. Director Alexander Payne (Election, Sideways) is 49. R&B singer Roberta Flack is 73. Actress Elizabeth Banks is turning 36. Tween star Emma Roberts is turning 19. Robert Wagner is 80. Olympic swimmer Mark Spitz is turning 60. Golfer Greg Norman is 55. And NYC restaurant legend Elaine Kaufman turns 81 today.

It seemed SNL was all about politics tonight, from the opening Fox News parody to a second Don't Ask, Don't Tell discussion in a View sketch. But it was Andy Samberg's obscenity-laden impersonation of Rahm Emanuel that stole the show.

America's favorite pundit opened today's show with this absolute gem of an allegory proving that there is simply no way that Glenn Beck can even make sense even to himself anymore.

The stars of Jersey Shore know how to haggle. NBC buys a show from Conan O'Brien. Everyone loves Clint Eastwood, Martha Stewart pulls an Oprah and a pharmaceutical company-backed obesity documentary raises eyebrows. Are you ready for trade roundup time?

Glenn Beck is America's second-favorite "TV personality." Leno is third.

• Is Fox about to "swoop in" and sign Conan O'Brien to host a late-night show on the network? That's the rumor. In other, not-at-all-surprising Conan news, his final Tonight Show on Friday generated huge ratings. [NYP, NYDN, LAT]
• News networks are preparing to scale back their operations in Haiti. [NYT]
• The "Hope For Haiti Now" album will debut at No. 1 this week. [Reuters]
• Diane Sawyer's ratings are up 8% since taking over World News. [NYDN]
• Avatar was No. 1 at the box office for a sixth weekend in a row; it bypassed Titanic today to become the highest-grossing movie of all time. [LAT, THR]
• The Ticketmaster-Live Nation merger has been given the go-ahead . [DF]
• The grim ad climate for fashion magazines seems to be improving. [WWD]
• Comcast's acquisition of NBC will face a few hurdles in Washington. [AP]
• Oprah was "America's favorite TV personality" in 2009, according to a new poll. Frighteningly, Glenn Beck and Jay Leno were No. 2 and 3. [Reuters]

Paranoid xenophobe Glenn Beck is scared that moose-hunting ignoramus Sarah Palin will steal his show on flag-waving racist network Fox News, according to feckless celebuscavenger Rob Shuter. Here's hoping all parties involved fight and fight some more. [Popeater. Pic via]

I'm madder than Ted Kennedy's ghost in Mormon Heaven that no one told me about Ed Anger's Twitter feed! (Also, the man who basically invented modern political discourse has a new website.)