The affluent denizens of Atlanta’s Buckhead neighborhood received a fun treat this week when they looked up at the corner of Peachtree and East Paces Ferry: a famous internet man’s giant, ruddy, gaping spread asshole, displayed on an enormous digital billboard.
On a gray Wednesday morning in October, the car headed west on the Lincoln Highway Bridge hit 100 miles per hour and I started to worry it might hurtle off into the tangle of rusted-out warehouses and smoke stacks that pass for a landscape in northeastern New Jersey. I peeked over the driver's shoulder, watching the speedometer approach the sound barrier. But my companion in the back seat of the Buick, the 27-year-old hacker and internet troll Andrew "Weev" Auernheimer, seemed not to notice as we nearly doubled the speed limit. He slouched and explained to the driver, who had asked him for a cigarette, why he didn't have any.
Internet nostalgia is having a moment. Animated gifs, AOL Instant Messenger, even the bracing sound of the dial-up modem have all been fondly fetishized as relics of an older internet. Now a slightly more stomach-churning bit of online past can be yours with a custom Goatse email address. The most famous gross-out meme on the internet is back, in a way.
As I write this, British defense lawyer Myles Jackman is trying an obscenity case in the UK. His client has been charged with possession of "extreme pornography"—in this case, fisting porn. And he's live-tweeting the whole thing. A very special Follow Friday.
Today on his radio show, Rush Limbaugh blew the lid off of President Obama's most devious plot yet: the villain in this summer's new Batman move is named Bane, a homophone of Bain, the financial services company founded by Mitt Romney. But why is Limbaugh ignoring the far deeper, and far more disturbing conspiracy right in front of his nose?
Here is a Goatse license plate from Indiana that a reader spotted in Washington, D.C. yesterday. It was on a Scion, which is appropriate since Scions are the horrid gaping assholes of vehicles. Goatse license plates are nothing new. Here's one from 2005, here's one from 2008, and here's one from just this month.
Sometime in the late 20th century a naked man bent over, spread his ass and took a picture. Eventually that picture, known as Goatse, became one of the most venerable memes in internet history. Who is this man, and how did his ass take over the internet?
Today we heard from donkey semen swallower Brynne Odioso, who said knocking back a glass of viscous donkey spooge is "the sickest thing you can ever imagine."
Andrew Auernheimer, a.k.a. "weev," a member of the group that exploited a major flaw in AT&T's 3G network last week, was arrested on Monday on felony drug charges. Police say Auernheimer had cocaine, ecstasy, and LSD in his possession. [CNET]
As I've mentioned, LOLcats is just a cuter version of Caturday, an old forum tradition of posting cat pictures with captions in broken English on Saturdays. Caturday itself is just a more formal version of the image macros that have floated around ever since the Internet found pictures. Every popular Internet meme is in fact a lamer version of a more obscure one, including Lazy Sunday, the Rickroll, Badger Badger Badger, Hot or Not, Ask a Ninja, and Chuck Norris Facts. I've traced them back to their edgier ancestors.
We've all heard about "2 girls 1 cup," and a shocking amount of us have actually watched it. But for those who want to preserve their dignity while still pretending they watched this filth, here are spoilers for the Internet's top gross-outs. Under no circumstances do I recommend you actually view these videos, no matter how many other people do.
The Internet is not an excuse to be boring, stupid, or cruel. Well, cruel's fine. So join me in taking the Pledge to Not Suck at the Internet. Those who pledge get no actual privilege or prize, and the false sense of superiority is a redundant prize for you, but you can maybe make a newsletter for yourselves.
If you don't instantly recognize this image, then you're obviously not familiar with the goatse phenomenon, for which you should be extremely grateful. If you've already been corrupted, however, you'll be grimly pleased to note its appearance in Park Slope, land of gaping assholes.
