god

God Has a 52 Percent Approval Rating

Jim Newell · 07/21/11 01:57PM

Public Policy Polling dove into the surreal with its latest survey, asking voters, "If God exists, do you approve or disapprove of its performance?" She—that's she—scores a 52% approval rating, with 9% disapproving.

Jesus Appears in Kudzu Near Ma's Hot Dog House

Hamilton Nolan · 06/29/11 04:11PM

Can you guess who has been spotted in Lenoir County, North Carolina? That's right, it's Jesus again, in his familiar "on the crucifix" pose. (Get a new pose already, Jesus!) On toast? No, in kudzu! He is everywhere.

Pat Robertson's Predictably Insane Response to Gay Marriage in NY

Jim Newell · 06/27/11 03:26PM

Old grifting fundie fartsack Pat Robertson is getting tired of saying it over, and over, and over again, whenever some gay stuff comes up in the news, so please pay attention this time: The more gay couples are allowed to pick up marriage certificates at the court house and file their taxes jointly, the more likely it is that America's Christian God will destroy our civilization in a fit of rage. Thanks for nothing, Andy Cuomo.

Senator Demands Investigation of NBC for Making Business Decision

Jim Newell · 06/22/11 11:02AM

It is clear that NBC hates God, after the network removed the words "Under God" from the Pledge of Allegiance during its broadcast of the U.S. Open. Can't NBC just be free to hate God like every other freedom-loving corporate person? Indiana Sen. Dan Coats says no! This omission must be explained in excruciating detail to top federal authorities.

NBC Hates God

Hamilton Nolan · 06/20/11 09:11AM

Patriotic Americans everywhere rushed home from church yesterday afternoon in order to tune into the "U.S. Open" golf tournament, knowing that god, in his infinite beneficence, would understand that enthusiasm for the "U.S. Open" is part and parcel of doing His work. Imagine their shock, then, when the NBC broadcasting network failed to include the words "under god" in their introductory segment for the "U.S. Open"—which, naturally, was a sickeningly sweet montage of pseudo-patriotic images up to and including American soldiers toting around carefully folded U.S. flags, as schoolchildren reverently recited the Pledge of Allegiance. Sickeningly patriotic, yes; but not sickeningly religious. To recap: Innocent, golf-loving American children were subjected, against their will, to a television montage of relentlessly patriotic symbology that did not include the words "under god" in its rote reenactment of our national indoctrination rites.

The Joy of Atheist Sex

Seth Abramovitch · 05/19/11 11:04PM

A new study says atheists have "far better" sex lives than their religious counterparts, of whom 80% say they feel profound guilt after the fact. (I guess the other 20% get off on knowing that Someone is watching.) [Daily Mail]

Creationists Find Cave Painting of Dinosaur

Maureen O'Connor · 03/28/11 01:17PM

Good news for the oxymoronic field of creationist paleontology: A newly discovered cave painting in southeastern Utah sort of resembles a long-necked dinosaur, which means humans and dinosaurs coexisted in Utah 6000 years ago, back when the planet was new, say officials from the Creationist Museum of Petersburg, Kentucky.

The Christian 'Fuck You' Remix: 'Bless You'

Hamilton Nolan · 03/16/11 09:55AM

The New York Times trips and stumbles all over itself today in an entire article about songs with the work "Fuck" which does not contain the word "Fuck." Your prayer is answered, NYT: "Bless You," the Christian remix of Cee-Lo's blasphemous hit. Completely soothing to the easily-offended sensibilities of New York Times editors! (Except for that keyboard player.)

Young Woman Thanks God for Atheist-Killing Tsunami

Richard Lawson · 03/14/11 03:42PM

A delightful young YouTube psychopath, user tamtampamela, has recorded a video in which she praises her bloodthirsty Christian god for killing all those atheist Japanese. This falls roughly in the same category as all the Facebook statusers who cited Pearl Harbor as a reason for not giving aid to the tsunami relief effort. Here are some of your terrible citizens, America! You may now resume enjoying your day.

Bible Now 100% Booty-Free

Hamilton Nolan · 03/02/11 09:27AM

The ol' Catholic church is revising the Bible again. Should that even be allowed? Anyhow. They don't want any bad PR, for Jesus, so they're removing the term "booty," as in "stuff you steal after a war," and replacing it with "spoils" of war. And look at this bullshit:

Save the Date: Jesus Is Coming in May!

Jeff Neumann · 12/02/10 07:29AM

This time, it's really happening. On May 21 of next year, Jesus Christ shall swoop down from the heavens on a white steed to snatch up all True Believers. That's right — the Rapture is coming! Where do you stand?

You Should Have Listened to Satan

Hamilton Nolan · 11/11/10 03:50PM

"Don't visit www.ComingNovember2010.com," said a billboard posted by a road in Smithfield, North Carolina. The message was signed, "Satan." Come to find out it's just a dumb church website. That Satan really isn't as bad as they say. [News-Observer]

Christmas Looking More Godless Than Ever

Hamilton Nolan · 11/10/10 11:03AM

The annual godless atheist humanist War on Christmas starts just as early as the Corporate American Christmas Season, and with equal fervor. For at least the third straight year, atheists have chosen to assault god-fearing Americans, with advertisements. Godless advertisements.