Considering the free-lovin’, liberal personalities of two undergarments-fearing stars like Woody Harrelson and Kate Hudson, we were a bit surprised to hear rumors that Woody is “relieved” and happy now that Kate is out of BFF Owen Wilson’s love life for good. Janet Charlton is reporting that “Woody and Kate NEVER got along, but they put aside their differences for Owen...[Woody] never thought she was the right girl for him.” So why would these two hippie dippy celebs find it so hard to get along? After a bit of digging, we came up with three theories, from Woody’s big-screen debut alongside Goldie Hawn, to the skinny-dipper’s habit of setting Owen up with mystery blondes while he and Kate were still together:1. Woody Was Owen's Personal Madam: Back in March 2007, when Owen and Kate were still in Phase One of their double act of a relationship, Wilson reportedly went on a Hawaiian vacation with his partner in paparazzi-bashing crime Harrelson, who owns a crash pad on the island. And the first sign of trouble in paradise came when Wilson was said to be hooking up with a Kate-lookalike coincidentally introduced to him in Hawaii by the Woodster. 2. Woody's Bare Butt Possibly More Scrumptious Than Kate's: And who can forget the, well, unforgettable sight of Harrelson's own set of natural born relationship-killers: the buns seen 'round the world while skinny-dipping with Wilson on a mid-Marley And Me, mid-Kate & Owen: The Sequel jaunt to Miami. Even Kate herself has pointed out her own lack of assets, and no matter how straight the Wilson is, who wouldn't be distracted from their current paramour's figure when face-to-ass with that behind?

You know what the best part about dating Kate Hudson is? Not the fun beachside lunches with a jolly Goldie Hawn and doting “unidentified males.” Not the late-night games of Pin The Tail On The Boob with 9-year old Ryder. Nor is it collecting your winnings from that bet you made with Owen Wilson about who could land the ebuillient blonde. No, the most enjoyable benefit to following Hudson around town and forcing grin after grin is the dynamite opportunity to finally get photographed dutifully wearing clothes coincidentally fashioned by your lifestyle-sustaining sponsor!

• The new 90210 just got a whole lot better because Shannon "My Career Will Never Die" Doherty is in talks to play Brenda Walsh. Oh Hells Yeah. [Perez Hilton]

After seeing Kate Hudson's appearance on Conan last night, we have a feeling that her surfer-haired son Ryder is destined to be quite the Hot Perv On Campus. Apparently that whole birds and bees discussion that every parent dreads has not only started far earlier at Casa Hudson than most households, but little Ryder is already pursuing an advanced degree in female anatomy by studying his mom's breasts. And after hearing what life was like for Kate as a kid living with kooky king and queen of long-term unmarried celebs Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, we’re not surprised that the 9-year old Ryder is already “obsessed” with things like boobies and the all-important, very profound question of why everyone “rubs up against each other.” The premature nympho chatter around Kate’s house makes perfect sense — Goldie and Kurt were those kinds of parents. Hear for yourself after the jump.

Having devoured celebrity knees and lips in their quest to mock each and every imperfect body part they spot on the red carpet, the British press is now preying on something they've dubbed Bat Face, singling out Nicole Kidman as the epitome of Botox overload. Though the picture of Nicole they use isn't pretty, the bat is actually kind of adorable (at this point, we are far more scared of seeing Nic enter our room in the middle of the night than this cuddly little rat with wings). In fact, Nicole looks less like this animal than she does another: Michael Jackson. And she's not alone. Rather than naming the immobile facial trend Bat Face, we're thinking the look is more a symptom of MJ Syndrome, which also counts Renee Zellweger and Teri Hatcher among its victims.

[Actress Goldie Hawn at the Berlin Film Festival yesterday; image via AP]

How bad have things gotten for Aspen-based paparazzi? The town, long Hollywood's preferred mountain refuge from the bustle of L.A., is apparently been so drained of celebrity quarry that its once-proud guerrilla-photographer population has been forced to eke out a meager existence by stalking the likes of Goldie Hawn, who gripes, "They've come into our little town and they really have done their job: They've shooed us out." [Breitbart.com]

· Cannes update: Films receiving early praise at Cannes include the Coen brothers' No Country For Old Men, the abortion drama 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days, and Zodiac, which feels like it was released in America three years ago. You may now return to not caring about what's going on in France (unless it involves Jerry Seinfeld in a bee suit. That was so awesome!) [Variety]
· Because we know that you can't sleep if you don't know what Julia Roberts is up to: She's set to star in a movie based on the the life of African wildlife conservationist Joan Root. Or have more babies and take another five years off from the demands of being Hollywood's Biggest Female Star, depending on her mood. [THR]
· The Emmys are "one step closer" to moving from the Shrine to the shiny new Nokia Theater being built downtown, a change of venue that the TV Academy promises won't have any impact on the show's reliably low entertainment value. [Variety]
· The season finales of Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters overcome token competition from the other networks, giving ABC an underwhelming Sunday night ratings victory. [THR]
· Var provides possibly unreliable evidence that Goldie Hawn is still alive. [Variety]

Asked to reveal the secret of what keeps Goldie Hawn frozen in a state of permanent sexpot desirability, even as she quickly approaches her discounted movie ticket-buying years, the actress recently revealed that much of it is due to creative roleplaying in the bedroom with life partner/jockey Kurt Russell:

In perhaps the most elaborate Halloween costumes we've seen yet, Renee Zellweger absolutely nails the post-op tragedy of Meg Ryan, while Robert DeNiro Methods his way under the skin of an utterly convincing Goldie Hawn.