It used to be that only the very rich had the opportunity to lose money by investing in hedge funds. Now, you can too!

Even the world's most famous socialist is making Goldman Sachs rich.

Last March, Goldman Sachs VP Greg Smith quit his job in spectacular fashion—with a New York Times op-ed decrying the erosion of the firm's moral culture into a "toxic and destructive" state. Now, Greg Smith has a book coming out. He was on 60 Minutes last night. He has become, in mere months, the world's most famous insider critic of the go-go culture of Wall Street's biggest banks.

As noted Ping Pong star and former Goldman Sachs executive director Greg Smith preps to release his tell-all Wall Street memoir, Why I Left Goldman Sachs, this Monday, the company's PR team has compiled a list of talking points to be used on first dates, PTA meetings, and cocktail parties.

There is no better way to quit your job than by unloading on your former employer in the pages of the country's paper of record, and for that if nothing else we salute (former) Goldman Sachs executive director Greg Smith, who has a Times Op-Ed today entitled "Why I Am Leaving Goldman Sachs." Spoiler alert: it's because the firm is filled with "morally-bankrupt" sociopaths.

The New York Times breaks the alarming story of how a hacker was able to easily gain access to numerous boardroom videoconference systems throughout the country. Alarming, because this hacker got into Goldman Sachs' boardroom but didn't even spy on the bastards once.

Occupy Wall Street protested Goldman Sachs for being an evil bank today and a bunch of people got arrested. Zzzzzz. Sorry, but banks just aren't going to cut it after yesterday's exciting siege of an Oakland Whole Foods. The stakes have been raised: You gotta protest something with sexy elite cachet. Do the Apple Store!

Remember credit default swaps? AIG? Hopelessly entangled exotic financial instruments tied to esoteric asset valuations that caused cascading defaults in 2008 and threatened to tank the global financial system unless taxpayers ate all the losses? Remember how we reformed Wall St. to make sure that never repeated itself? Someone tell Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan, and Morgan Stanley, because they've teed the whole damn thing up again, this time in Europe.

Goldman Sachs has taken plenty of well-deserved knocks over the last three years, but the man single-handedly most responsible for damaging the Wall St. giant's reputation hasn't worked there for more than a decade: Having done a tour as a shitty senator and a loathed governor, former CEO Jon Corzine has added failed futures broker to his post-Goldman career.

Rajat Gupta, a former director of Goldman Sachs, was arrested this morning on federal insider trading charges. He's reportedly accused of, among other things, tipping off convicted billionaire Raj Rajaratnam to Warren Buffett's $5 billion investment in Goldman Sachs in 2008.

What a basketcase: Groupon has slashed its proposed valuation to $12 billion from $30 billion as it ramps up for an initial public offering. So if you're in the market for a technically insolvent online discounter with shady accounting, now is the time to buy! Goldman Sachs is involved, so you just know it's a good deal.

It's been a rough day for Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein. His company reported a humiliating $428 million quarterly loss this morning, just the second in Goldman's 12-year history as a public company. We figured he might like a sympathy call from the Occupy Wall Street folks, who know how to get by with less. Here's his cell phone number.

All of you Goldman Sachs employees who are schizophrenic suffering from [personality-affective mental disorder] and therefore thought that you'd go on down to Zucotti Park and protest yourself: your employer would rather that you not. John Carney reports:

Mark Zuckerberg says his main goal is "to help make the world more open and transparent," which is how the Facebook CEO justified publicizing his users' private information. But when it comes to Facebook's finances, Zuckerberg has a double standard. And that's where George Lee comes in.

Here's a pretty remarkable interview with independent stock and forex trader Alessio Rastani on the BBC this morning, in which he's either being perfectly candid about how traders are viewing the Eurozone crisis, or he's just trolling. Anyway, he's a sociopath.

The golden age of anonymous corporate elevator Twitter accounts is ending. It lasted about a week. After @CondeElevator closed down operations because "This got really crazy. Love my job," a series of knock-off elevator Twitter accounts launched. The only worthwhile one was @GSElevator, tweeting overheard conversations from Goldman Sachs branches the world around. According to Page Six, the company's notorious rigid management has "kicked off an internal probe" on the matter. After reportedly trying—and failing—to get Twitter to freeze the account, Goldman is now "investigating who is behind it. They believe it is an intern or a young gun, but there are enough facts on the feed for bosses to suspect it is someone with access inside the company."

Remember when Goldman Sachs was a remorseless, cruelly efficient monolith run by soulless machines intent on harvesting wealth at the expense of the global economy and without regard to consequences?

A staffer working for Rep. Darrell Issa's Oversight Committee on financial regulation issues has come under scrutiny by ThinkProgress for changing his name after he left his previous position at Goldman Sachs. The story implied that he changed his name three years ago to hide his background with the company.

After a 24-hour silence following yesterday's blitz of media attention, the mysterious @CondeElevator tweeted a monologue that sounds an awful lot like a farewell. Is this @CondeElevator's swan song?

Performing God's work is tough, and should be rewarded accordingly. So it's no surprise that investment banking executives are still bitching and moaning about a looming Federal Deposit Insurance Corp "clawback provision" that would give the government the right to take back up to two years of executives' pay if their banks fail and they ruin the global economy again. It's obviously The Poors' fault for being poor and and stupid and for losing their money, not the guys who are in charge of it.