Goldman Sachs can't do anything right. The embattled investment bank is now getting heat from its Battery Park City neighbors because the Hudson ferry boats they use — the Yogi Berra and Frank Sinatra — are too loud. Where's Lloyd?!

After its executives were forced to listen to a US senator read the words "shitty deal" from a company email one million times, Goldman Sachs has decided to ban swearing via email. Whatever shall they do now?

So, which finance CEOs snagged invites to tomorrow's financial reform signing ceremony, with the despised Barack Obama? Most of them! Except JP Morgan's Jamie Dimon and Goldman's Lloyd Blankfein, the "cool ones." They'll be alright. [Photo: AP]

Goldman Sachs has reached a $550 million settlement with the SEC over fraud charges. Everybody wins, kind of! Goldman's stock has shot up, and the SEC is excited to have achieved something for once.

Bedbugs are creatures with a strong sense of social justice. They tend to attack deserving targets, like Fox News and massive ad agencies (and you?). The latest righteous bedbug victim: Goldman Sachs, baby.

Grab your pitchforks! Multinational oil company BP has reportedly hired financial advisors from Goldman Sachs to help with the "mounting liabilities" the firm is facing from the Gulf oil spill. BP has denied rumors it is going bankrupt.

A new report called the Global Peace Index says that America is one big, violent place. So what exactly is taken into account when deciding which countries are the most peaceful, and where does America stand? Let's take a look.

Today we asked you a hard question: Which company is worse, BP or Goldman Sachs? It's a toughie! And you guys were understandably split. One commenter, though, made a clear and compelling case for BP to win the poop crown.

This oil spill thing has people heated! And BP CEO Tony Hayward… what a dickhead. Oh, but remember Goldman Sachs? That filthy rich, monolithic investment banking monster that basically destroyed the global economy? Yeah. Who do you hate more?

Another federal agency is going after Goldman, this time with a subpoena.

Goldman Sachs is trying its own brand of top kill: The New York Times and Wall Street Journal report the investment bank plans to settle with the SEC for a lesser offense, so it doesn't have to admit to fraud.

Even the scandal-ridden MTA doesn't want to have anything to do with Goldman Sachs.

Goldman Sachs reports that they didn't lose money on a single trading day in the first quarter! And on more than half of the days, they netted more than $100 million! Goldman Sachs can't be beat! [BusinessWeek]

For whatever reason, Lloyd Blankfein is getting to keep his job as Goldman Sachs' chairman.

Buffett — who it is worth pointing out invested $5bn in Goldman at the height of the financial crisis — mounted what the WSJ call a "vigorous defense " of the company, saying he did not believe they had acted improperly.

The week didn't end well for Goldman Sachs. Following news a criminal probe of the firm is now underway, shares of its stock plunged nearly 10% today, "which translates to a one-day loss in company value of $8.1 billion." [WaPo]

Goldman Sachs is now the subject of a criminal probe from federal prosecutors.

Angry protesters stormed the JP Morgan office today! Goldman Sachs employees are barely allowed to venture outside, lest they arouse the public's passion! And now, the last straw, it's an anonymous unsigned email "going around Wall Street"—celebrating greed!

The embattled CEO of Goldman Sachs had a long day on Capitol Hill yesterday, giving all sorts of non-answers to angry lawmakers and squinting a lot. Afterward, he left a message for his flock of distraught traders: "This is Lloyd..."

Yesterday, Senator Carl Levin said "shitty deal" twelve times on TV. Last month, Joe Biden said "big fucking deal" to the President. So many curses! When do you use which? And will I go to hell for saying "fuck"?