The exclusive downtown private club that's too cool for corporate suit-and-tie types just kicked about 500 of them out! Too bad that's the only kind that wants (or can afford) to hang at your overpriced, Meatpacking digs.

To help Americans learn to love the bank that just destroyed the nation of Greece, Goldman Sachs head Lloyd Blankfein is bringing in a media relations firm run by former Bush aide Dan Bartlett.

Max Abelson has an exceedingly timely profile of Lucas van Praag (pictured), Goldman Sachs' PR chief—variously described as "debonair," "very Masterpiece Theater," "amazingly brilliant," and "arrogant, slightly pompous, flippant and condescending." Image projected: Haughty, rich asshole. Smart, Goldman. [NYO]

Harvard grad Will Meyerhofer used to be a lawyer at Sullivan & Cromwell, the white shoe firm that represents the likes of AIG and Goldman Sachs. After doing his "part in destroying the nation's economy," he had a change of heart, went back to school, and became a psychotherapist. Now sees clients on a sliding scale, ranging from $10/hour for people who couldn't otherwise afford therapy to $200/hour for his former colleagues, who, we imagine, have a lot to get off their chests considering how much work they continue to do for both AIG and Goldman. [Above the Law]

Want to express your displeasure with the way Goldman Sachs steamrolled Washington and profited at the expense of American taxpayers during the financial meltdown? Head to the Embassy Suites in the financial district tonight: "Goldman employees have all the rooms [booked] because they don't want to commute home in the weather and come back early." [BI]

It's bonus season, so we're trying to keep up with how Goldman Sachs employees are spending their taxpayer-financed windfalls. Today's entries: A $6 million penthouse condo, and adding a new floor to the upper-east-side historical landmark in which you live.

Goldman Sachs' disdainful mouthpiece, Lucas Van Praag, is blogging for the Huffington Post. We know he's 'head of communications' but there are limits. What's wrong with throwing an illuminated manuscript out of a sedan chair for the poors?

So much for those rumors about Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein taking home a $100 million bonus. The firm just disclosed that Blankfein will collect a $9 million bonus in stock and no cash for his services in 2009, or roughly half as much as JPMorgan Chase chief Jamie Dimon. [NYT]

According to Business Insider, Lloyd Blankfein's son Jonathan is about to land a job he totally earned at Goldman Sachs. And we hear that his brother Alex is also on the Goldman Sachs payroll. Bootstraps!

Over the weekend, the Times of London reported that Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein could walk away with a bonus of as much as $100 million, at least according to unnamed bankers the paper talked to at last week's World Economic Forum in Davos.

Goldman Sachs is wasting no time doing exactly what Obama complained about in his SOTU last week: handing out enormous bonuses. The Times of London reports that Goldman is planning to pay CEO Lloyd Blankfein a record $100 million bonus.

Shia LaBeouf did tons of research in preparation for his role in Wall Street 2. He opened up a brokerage account with $20,000 and has seen his portfolio grow tenfold since then, thanks to the expert trading skills he's picked up along the way. And he's learned the secret to getting a job at Goldman Sachs, which he's now prepared to share with the world: "I talked to a lot of Goldman Sachs people, and one of the requirements of getting a job takes place in the first five minutes of an interview. They take you out to eat. The minute the menu hits the table, if you can't order within 30 seconds, you don't have the job." [DB]

Ben Stein: is he still an idiot and a hack? Yes, Felix Salmon reports.

Wall Street is cutting back on cash bonuses, which means paper-rich banksters are forced to choose between preschool tuition and new wine cellars until their restricted shares mature. Goldman Sachs is lending a hand by offering mortgages to its staff.

Are you and your art a charity case? Good news! Goldman Sachs is now in the charity business (as well as the taking-billions-from-the-government-and handing-it-over-to-its-bankers-as-bonus business). Darcie Dennigan and Carl Dimitri have posted the grant application at The Rumpus.

Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner is on Capitol Hill today, facing a barrage of camera-friendly and self-righteous (and justified!) bipartisan posturing from members of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform over the AIG bailout. It's been testy.

If you're going to set up a website pretending to be the official site of the World Economic Forum in Davos, and you're going to issue an apology in the name of the CEO of Goldman Sachs for creating "massive unemployment and misery," you probably want to make sure you spell the guy's name correctly. Also: Get a native English speaker to draft the press release. The small details make all the difference! [via BusinessInsider]

Happy Goldman Sachs Bonus Day! As we mentioned earlier, Goldman announced today that its 2009 bonuses will total $16 billion, spread (very unevenly) among its 32,500 employees. We thought we'd take a look at how they spend our money.

Goldman Sachs announced its 2009 earnings today, and the news is bleak: While the firm took in a record $13 billion profit, it's only paying out a lousy $16 billion in bonuses, the stingiest year-end bump in the firm's history.

Goldman Sachs blew away estimates today and "delivered its richest quarterly profit in the investment bank's 140-year history," reporting that it netted $4.95 billion in the fourth quarter and $13.4 billion in 2009. The bank also reported that it paid out $13.5 billion in bonuses and salaries last year, which is more than what it handed out in 2008, but down from 2007 when it awarded its employees $20 billion in compensation. Not that Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankfein really expects anyone to pay any attention to his talk of the "lowest ever compensation to net revenues ratio." Per the firm's request, the NYPD set up barricades outside Goldman HQ this morning and a bomb-sniffing dog has been on the scene as well. [WSJ, NYT]