• Christopher Walken makes dead chicken sit up, stuffs the Eiffel Tower up its ass, and serves it with pears to discerning cat. It's all very French. [Ezra Klein]

The Scientology flack who walked out on Bashir came back and tried to have Nightline cut, Steve Phillips' ESPN squeeze is, inevitably, also fired, Timberlake's stalker is cheating on him, while Diane von Furstenberg's Madrid mugging was tweeted.

The celebrity chef and his jilted bride Erica Wang continue to duke it out. No one knows anything about Brad Pitt's motorcycle accident, Lindsay Lohan has a whole new drug, Madonna's kids are skipping school. It's Monday. There is gossip.

Lindsay Lohan's career brings out the worst in Jewish Mother impulses. Brad Pitt busts himself up on a motorcycle, LADIES. The Rock shows true colors: stone cold asshole. Sienna Miller, Roman Polanski, Morrissey, Musicals: presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Jon and Kate Gosselin are basically the worst people in the history of TV. Pennsylvania pride! Scott Weiland's wife: a crazy-awesome smack addict. Kanyeezy's community serveezy. J-Lo's Lola gives me facehurt. Weirdos! Celebrities! Whatever! Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Simpson-Wentz loses her role on Melrose. Madonna is building a school in Malawi. Lindsay Lohan coaxes a club into lifting its ban on her presence. Come, enjoy the fruits of Friday's gossip.

Mitch Winehouse thinks Amy's rack was worth the rumored $56,000 cost of silicone. Salman Rushdie scores another PYT. Obama Girl is mauled by a light fixture at that one ubiquitous press junket in Jamaica. Welcome to Thursday's gossip!

Everyone is freaking out because Lohan and Versace look exactly the same. Also, Nicole Ritchie's baby appears, Kate is plus eight nightmares, and Hulk Hogan's suicide. Welcome to Wednesday's gossip gems!

Onetime TV star Bronson Pinchot has some not-so-nice things to say about Tom Cruise. Fate will bring Octomom and Jon Gosselin together. Salman Rushdie is still pining for Padma. Presenting your Tuesday morning Gossip Roundup!

Whitney Houston had a wardrobe malfunction and forgot about her own album. Paris Hilton craves shellfish. Akon wants his baby mama to be his Myspace friend. All that and more in your Monday Morning Gossip Roundup!

Stephanie Pratt, sister to creepy blondebeard Spencer, got DUI'd. Roman Polanski got out of jail! Kinda. Mickey Rourke, mobster groupie? Penn Badgley should huff paint. Pam Anderson's big train and Tommy Lee's big wang. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup!

Michael Lohan's worried about his daughter, might be right. Situation: critical. Robert Pattenson's mom hates you. Who sucks more? Jon Gosselin or TLC? Tina Fey's virginity, Madonna's neighbor relations, Karadshian Ass..ian...and much much more. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Jennifer Aniston's in love with someone, again. Paul McCartney's son's dreams are coming true and dying all at once. Jon and Kate are still deplorable. And Courtney Hazlett calls out Melissa Rycroft. Hoorah! It's your Friday morning gossip roundup!

Lindsay Lohan tries to explain her adventures in fashion. Britney Spears receives a dubious award. Joe Francis has no backbone. And we feel bad for Leona Lewis. Yes, it's your Thursday morning gossip roundup. It's it's chock full of nuts!

Child labor activists are aiming for Pam Anderson. Rush Limbaugh, shockingly, loves racist clubs. Jon Gosselin no doubt hates giving up $180,000. And Ashton Kutcher was mean to January Jones. Good morning! It's your Wednesday morning gossip roundup...

Tilda Swinton and Donald Trump fighting. So are Tori Spelling and Star. And, yes, even Gore Vidal and Ed Koch. But at least there's some love: Heidi Klum and Seal had baby number four. Welcome to your Tuesday gossip roundup!

One of Oprah's flight attendants wants monetary revenge for not having sex. Christina Hendricks got married. Jail makes Roman Polanski sad. And Blago and Trump's hair wars will be television gold. Happy Monday and welcome to your gossip roundup!

Kristen Stewart hates talking Twilight as much as I do. Jimmy Kimmel's schtupping his writer, A-Rod's batting better when schtupping Kate Hudson, Miley Cyrus sucks at tipping, Jon Gosselin sucks like he did yesterday. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!

Jon and Kate Gosselin completely suck at life. Michael Jackson was weird on The Simpsons. Weird! Weirdos will get off on Marge Simpson in Playboy. Carrey Mulligan? Emmy Rossum! Pervy Dr. Phil, many more. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Kelly Bensimon has odor issues. Marge Simpson will have a 3-page Playboy spread. Isaiah Washington's still having a hard time finding work. And Nicolas Cage has a lot of money the government wants. Enjoy your Friday morning gossip roundup!