Ah, the good old days—when crazy oddball media titans stood astride the magazine world, being odd. We have more fun stories about former Maxim publisher and admitted killer Felix Dennis! He's a neat freak who takes care of friends.

• The police were called to Mischa Barton's home yesterday and she was escorted out of the house so she could be treated for some sort of "medical issue." Her condition hasn't been disclosed yet, but we're going to go ahead and assume it wasn't a case of seasonal allergies. [Sun]
• Bethenny Frankel may be giving up her spot on the Real Housewives next season so she can star in a Bravo show of her own. Neither Frankel and Bravo were willing to confirm the news, though, so we're going to keep our fingers crossed and hope this is just a crazy rumor that has no basis in reality, okay? [P6]
• Kim Kardashian almost got stranded in Africa when she couldn't locate her passport. The operative word there is "almost": Sadly, boyfriend Reggie Bush found it a few minutes later, so she was able to return to the U.S. [People]

• Is Penelope Cruz with child? The only evidence seems to be that she looks a bit bigger these days, but if that's enough to convince you, feel free to pass the rumor on to everyone you know. [P6]
• Jesus Luz, Madonna's Brazilian model boyfriend, isn't happy that Madge has been spending time with her ex, and he's become "downright childlike" in his need for her constant attention. That might have something to do with the fact that he is a child, but whatever. [NYDN]
• Who says the love fades after 60? Jane Fonda is reportedly head over heels in love with her new boyfriend, music producer Richard Perry. And Robert Redford tied the knot with his younger German girlfriend over the weekend. [P6, People]

• Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson the night before her 29th birthday. The worst part? She was forced to cancel the "Barbie and Ken-themed birthday party" she'd planned for the next day. [NYDN]
• Ali Wise, the publicist accused of hacking into the voicemail of Nina Freudenberger, has a new accuser: A fashion designer named Briana Rasinski has also filed a harassment complaint with the NYPD. [P6]
• Chace Crawford has moved out of the pad he shared with Ed Westwick. [Us]
• "Real Housewives" Jill Zarin and Danielle Staub got into a little tiff at an event the other night. No one was hurt, you may be disappointed to hear. [NYDN]
• Arrivals: Molly Ringwald gave birth to twins last Friday. And Mira Sorvino gave birth to a son after a "difficult pregnancy." [NYDN, Us]

Fashion Week Daily is reporting that gossip queen (and, as of a few weeks ago, bestselling author) Paula Froelich is leaving her perch at the New York Post's Page Six "to focus on freelance writing and television projects." Godspeed! [Fashion Week Daily]

• Are Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie moving to NYC and into a giant apartment at the Apthorp? That's the rumor! [NYDN]
• The good news/bad news for Madonna: She's getting along much better with her ex, Guy Ritchie, which is a good thing. Unfortunately, the reconciliation isn't making Madonna's boyfriend, Jesus Luz, very happy. [DM]
• After six months in St. Lucia, Amy Winehouse is lonely, homesick, and deeply unpopular with the locals. So now she may return to the U.K. where she's totally adored, naturally, [DE]
• Boys will be boys: Leonardo DiCaprio looked like he was "on the prowl" in NYC last week. And Jeremy Piven looked like he was "ogling" Hayden Panettiere the other night. [P6, P6]

• In news that will delight Jews the world over, it seems Britney Spears is thinking about converting to Judaism. She's been seen wearing a Star of David necklace and has found a rabbi to, like, teach her about stuff, so she's well on her way, clearly. [Sun]
• Lindsay Lohan hasn't been getting too many acting roles what with all her personal problems as of late. But she may have found a way around that: She's starting her own film/TV production company. [THR]
• Jerry Seinfeld's rep says he not facing money troubles. But he is doing commercials for "a bank in the boonies of Australia," which can't be a good sign. [P6]
• Mariska Hargitay is back on the set of Law & Order: SVU after a mishap earlier this week sent her to the hospital for 13 stitches. [NYDN]
• Publicist Ali Wise was arrested earlier this week for hacking into Nina Freudenberger's voicemail. But she may not be the only victim out there. [P6]

• The fashion publicist/socialite who moonlighted as a computer hacker? This is going to make for a fabulous movie. It seems Ali Wise (right), the Dolce & Gabanna public relations director, professional socializer, and ex-girlfriend of hotelier Jason Pomeranc was arrested this week for using her computer to wiretap and eavesdrop on interior designer/social butterfly Nina Freudenberger (left). The worst part? Wise was held overnight in an jail cell and wasn't given any special treatment, poor thing. [NYDN, P6]
• Wise wasn't the only nightlife fixture behind bars this week. Wass Stevens, NYC's most famous club doorman, was arrested for whacking a man with the metal end of a velvet rope outside Noah Tepperberg and Jason Strauss's Avenue the other night. Stevens says the man acted up when he was refused entry, which sounds a pretty likely scenario. [P6]

• Sharon Stone is denying reports she was detained by the police after she getting into a fight with a flight attendant on a trip to Salt Lake City. Yes, she says, she did get into an argument, but the cops who met her when her plane landed were just there to protect her from hoardes of "autograph seekers." That makes sense! [Independent]
• Count Alex de Lesseps is throwing cold water on the rumor he's reuniting with his wife, "Real Housewife" LuAnn de Lesseps. [P6]
• Beyoncé comes out on top of Forbes' new list of top-earning celebs under the age of 30. The triple-threat is estimated to have brought home $87 million over the past year. [Mirror]

Crowds may be wise, but they're not necessarily savvy. Witness this online poll, where the first 2,500 respondents have deemed Mario Lopez flamingly gay, while Kevin Spacey and Vin Diesel get loads of votes as straight.

• Mariah Carey, Stevie Wonder, Usher, Lionel Richie, Queen Latifah, Jennifer Hudson, John Mayer, and a truck full of elephants (left) will all on hand for the Michael Jackson's memorial service in LA later today. Debbie Rowe and Elizabeth Taylor will not be there, however. [Reuters, NYDN, People, Us]
• Several ladies from the Real Housewives of New York are demanding more cash before signing up for another season of the show. In addition to "six-figure deals," they're asking for clothing, hair and makeup allowances and "a promised amount of screen time." You're shocked by this, we're sure. [NYDN]
• In other Housewives news, it looks like LuAnn de Lesseps may be reuniting with her estranged husband, and Bethenny Frankel is engaged. [P6, Us]

• Robert Pattinson has been in NYC shooting his new movie, Remember Me, but he's been so overwhelmed by the out-of-control teenage fans who track his every move, he'd really like to return home to the U.K. [NYDN]
• Chris Brown's run-in with Rihanna isn't putting a damper on his social life: He was spotted "locking lips" with Amber Rose, Kanye West's ex, at Diddy's annual White Party this past weekend. Rose's career is picking up too: She's been signed by Ford Models. [NYDN, P6]
• Courtney Love supposedly trashed her room at the Inn on Irving Place when she stayed there a couple of weeks ago, leaving behind dirty needles, used feminine hygiene products, and a flooded floor. [P6]
• Today in Michael Jackson-related news: His memorial is scheduled for tomorrow and a gazillion fans are expected to show up; a battle over his will appears to be brewing; and Debbie Rowe flipped out when the paparazzi caught up with her outside a Chinese restaurant yesterday. [CBS, ABC, TMZ, TMZ]
• You may be hearing more from Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin's baby daddy. He's shopping a book and is in talks to appear in a "docudrama." [NYM]
• Jon Bon Jovi serenaded diners at the Blue Parrot, the Mexican spot in East Hampton that he co-owns. [P6, HuffPo]

• Lindsay Lohan will officially celebrate her birthday tomorrow. But it looks like she'll have some extra spending money in her pocket if she decides to buy herself a present. Lohan collected $70,000 to appear at an all-day birthday party in her honor at the MGM Grand last Saturday. [P6]
• A semi-private funeral was held yesterday for Farrah Fawcett. The public wasn't permitted to attend, but a gaggle of photographers was more than welcome. [Us]
• Day 6 of the Michael Jackson mess: No one seems to know who really gave birth to Jackson's kids, no one is totally sure about the final funeral arrangements, and it still isn't clear what drugs he was taking exactly, or who gave them to him. And so on it goes. [Mirror, Sun, TMZ, Us, TMZ]
• On a more positive note, David Gest says Jackson was just another "manly man" who loved women, chowing down at McDonalds, and pursuing his "passion for classic literature." That's nice to hear, isn't it? [Sun]

• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick took home their adopted twin daughters, Marion and Tabitha, last week. Now they've released a photo of the whole family. Cute! And a nice palate cleanser after all the sordid Michael Jackson news the past few days, no? [People]
• Speaking of grim details from the Jackson case, here's what you may have missed over the last day or so: The doctor at Jackson's house couldn't call 911 for more than half an hour because he couldn't find a working phone (Jackson disconnected them for "privacy reasons); drugs, insiders says, were most likely the cause of death (duh); and Jackson's last will, which dates back to 2002, provided for his kids and mom, but cut his father out completely. [TMZ]

• A second autopsy was performed on Michael Jackson over the weekend just as details from the first were revealed: Jackson was just 112 pounds when he died and his "emaciated body was riddled with needle marks and scars, and his head was virtually bald." In the meantime, his doctor, Conrad Murray, has denied giving Jackson any drugs right before his death and says he found a faint pulse when he first discovered him. Jackson's parents say they plan to fight for custody of Jackson's kids and for control of his estate. And plenty of people came out to celebrate Jackson's life at a couple of BET parties this weekend. And now you're all caught up. [NYP, LAT, WP, NYDN]
• Poor Jen Aniston. One minute she's happy and relaxed and supposedly dating Bradley Cooper and now Cooper says they're just "friends." [P6, NYDN]

Infamous gossip monger/dirtbag Perez Hilton has maybe had the worst week of his life. And it's beginning to show: Perez is blogging scared. Is this the end for him?

• An autopsy is scheduled to be performed on Michael Jackson this morning; just when the results will be back isn't clear. Meanwhile, attention is being focused on the drugs Jackson may have been taking just before he went into cardiac arrest yesterday, a "cocktail" that may have included the powerful narcotic Demerol. [AP, NYP, Sun, TMZ]
• Naturally, Jackson's death has led just about every living celebrity to issue a statement, extend condolences, and/or use otherwise clog up Twitter with some sort of thought on Jackson's passing. [People, Mirror, NYP]
• Jackson was reportedly $500 million in debt when he died. [NYP]
• As for how Jackson's kids are coping with the news, they're supposedly "very upset" but "fine," whatever that means. But no one knows who will take custody of them or if Jackson left behind and instructions. [Sun]
• In the meantime, Jackson's fans have been holding vigils outside the hospital where his body is located, outside the Neverland Ranch, and in front of his childhood home in Gary, Indiana, among other places. [TMZ, TMZ]

What will Anderson Cooper be doing tonight? Unvogue Magazine says he'll be attending a party at the Sapphire Go-Go Lounge for their men's issue. It's been informally dubbed "Anderson Cooper's Big Fat Coming Out Party." [UPDATED: AC's denial below]:

• A new month is approaching, so it's time for Russell Simmons to drop the twentysomething model he's been dating and move on to a new twentysomething model. But there are signs the 51-year-old is maturing: Julie Henderson, age 23, has been replaced by French model Noemie Lenoir (right), who is a positively aged 29. [P6]
• A drunken Jonathan Rhys Meyers was detained by the authorities in Paris yesterday after he punched a waiter in an airport lounge. [Us, People]
• Audrina Patridge is saying goodbye to The Hills so she can take part in a new, Mark Burnett-produced reality show for MTV. [NYDN]
• Ricky Martin did not come out of the closet in an interview with a Spanish magazine the other day. He's still inside. Carry on. [Advocate]

• Just in case Mercy won't have enough culture shock to deal with when she arrives in NYC, Madonna reportedly wants to turn her newly-acquired Upper East Side townhouse into a "replica" of her countryside estate in England. She's having her staffers "troll the Upper East Side boutiques for candelabras, side tables, and period chaises." And poor Mercy will be looking to hop a flight back to Africa pretty soon. [Mirror]
• Break out the tissues: It seems Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo have split up. [Us]
• Oprah is taking 100 employees and their families on an all-expenses paid 10-day cruise around the Mediterranean to celebrate her birthday. [NYDN]
• Justin Timberlake got kinda drunk at Avenue the other night. He still had the sense to "shoo" Lindsay Lohan away, but he may have gotten cozy with a woman who was not Jessica Biel, depending on who you believe. [P6]