Now that her messy, messy divorce from Knight Rider/Baywatch star David Hasselhoff is finally over, Pamela Bach is freely dishing about the poor man's troubles. And, really, it behooves us to read every last detail. In 2002, for example, Hasselhoff called Bach from a hotel one dark night. "I'm drunk and I think I'm dying," he said. Then the line went dead. Berlin's most beloved singer went into rehab after that, but it didn't stick. "'I called the clinic and discovered he had checked out. I knew I had to go to him. I chartered a private plane and flew from LA to Palm Springs.’ Pamela learned that David had been taken to a local hospital, but didn’t know which one. ‘I got into a taxi and went to every hospital until I found him.’ "She discovered later that he’d drunk the entire contents of the minibar and had been found by a maid, semi-conscious and half-naked on the floor. The police had been called. This sordid episode, like so many before, was covered up by Pamela and a team of minders." And, says Bach, don't buy it if the Hoff seems to have gotten his act together lately: "To the woman who recently divorced him... Hasselhoff’s image as a self-aware, post-modern celebrity is a sham. ‘David is a falling-down drunk and I covered up for him for years. Alcoholism destroys you whether you are a regular Joe or the biggest star on the planet.’" Dayum, lady. Get a blog! [Daily Mail]

Now that Britney Spears has seemingly been free of drugs and scuzzy males for a little while, her parents are hoping to make the rebirth stick by banning her from having sex for the next six months. Spears (left, in another life) has never been romantically linked to a decent man in her adult life, and that might have something to do with her parents' crap treatment of her as a fleshy commodity when she was still a kid, so one could imagine their happiest daydream lately is a celibate, childlike Britney in the body of a grown woman.

Mary-Kate Olsen successfully avoided interrogations from both the New York police and Drug Enforcement Administration over the death of her friend Heath Ledger. Authorities were said to be curious over why the wee celebrity dispatched her bodyguards to the movie star's apartment after she learned he was lifeless instead of calling 911. Were they hiding drugs? Now Ledger's insurance company, owned by Dutch conglomerate ING, is calling Ledger's death "suspicious" and seeking to take its own crack at the starlet, the Post reported. At stake is $10 million for Ledger's daughter Matilda. Will Olsen finally cave?

Here's the thing about gossip doyenne Liz Smith: She's 85 and really, really tried of the gossip scene, despite being paid to write a column on the topic. Hey, fair enough, she's earned her disillusionment. But Smith can't stop with the complaining! "There are very few really big stars these days, and that makes everything truly dull," she wrote in March. And a few weeks later: "There is already an absolute plethora of bullshit, manufactured photography, and speculation passing for gossip, and it will probably increase." New York magazine caught up with Smith for its 40th anniversary issue, and if anything she's grown even more dismissive of the whole scene, and even some of her own older work:

Actress/singer(?) Scarlett Johansson has, for some reason, married Van Wilder star Ryan Reynolds. Yeah, it happened. Johansson, 23, hitched her sexy-as-all-hell wagon to Alanis Morissette's 31-year-old ex-fiance last night at a remote wilderness resort outside of Vancouver. The pair got engaged in May, when Reynolds-who really stood out in Smokin' Aces-dropped a $30K diamond ring on her dainty finger. [Us] Click through for an important reminder of just exactly who, for now, is off the market.

Just this morning, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice was talking to the Associated Press in New York about the frustrating ongoing negotiations with Iraq regarding the governance of U.S. soldiers deployed there. How to top that off? From a reader: "Condi Rice is getting her nails done RIGHT NOW at Lovely Tender nails on w 72nd street between columbus and amsterdam." Do not approach! Secret Service will frag your ass! Update! Commenter Clarence Rosario sends photographic evidence (after the jump), and notes, "We boo'd her pretty soundly."

Free falling songstress and exotic substance enthusiast Amy Winehouse (pictured left in happier times) is being investigated by the police for allegedly slugging a fan in the face when she troubled the performer for a photograph. A source says Winehouse tossed the jagged cluster of bones that forms her fist into fan Sherene Flash's eye after she asked Winehouse to pose for a snapshot with her following this week's End of Summer Ball. Which is especially sad, since Winehouse started the summer by getting caught on video decking a fan and falling down.

Socialite-blogger and publishing heiress Emily Brill was profiled in Page Six Magazine this Sunday as a high-society "outcast" whose uptown and Hamptons-centric blogging project has irritated the status quo, alienating her from other socials. "I hope people don't think [my blog] is an attempt to draw attention to myself," she told the magazine. Now that the article's out, she's posted a point-by-point rebuttal on her blog, acting as if she's a public figure with a reputation to defend. No matter how shamelessly they court attention, people generally don't like being written about or profiled, because they can't control the outcome.The post-profile response in the 2.0 world is to huff and sigh—on your blog—about how you were misquoted, taken out of context, or maybe get all upset about your photoshoot. Exhibit 1:

Births, Deaths, and Marriages is a column about what's happening to persons of interest in Gawker society. Send us your tips about hookups, breakdowns, rehabs, and birthdays—everything else that completes the circle of media-life. (Do you know anyone who's splitting up, or perhaps with child out of wedlock? Send us your tips!) Today's roundup: Michael Lohan, Lydia Hearst, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein—plus the pianomaker, the chocolate-maker, and the winemaker.Deaths:

Behold the power of an ill-conceived email message. For it wasn't horny, drunken voice mail or repeated bouts of excess drinking that got Pat O'Brien fired from celebrity news show the Insider. It was that pompous, undermining email where he called himself a "favorite son" of bitter poor Iowans who "want to vomit" over segments by his replacement in the anchor chair, Lara Spencer. "I'm actually not the one afraid for my job," he wrote, ominously.

Being a documented cruel animal hoarder, Paris Hilton understandably faces a lot of scrutiny over how she cares for her 17 or so dogs. So when X17 reported the celebrity heiress had left two of her (mostly small and helpless) dogs outside for a night to be devoured as a light snack by local coyotes, the story spread like crazy, including to the Daily News and this morning's Post. Now Hilton's reps are denying that any dogs died at all, saying they're all still enjoying the opulent splendor of their "doggie mansion." The only problem? Hilton is a proven liar, and this story has the ring of truth.

We heard a wild rumor that Getty Images agreed to buy photo-sharing website Flickr from Yahoo. At first blush the gossip sounds crazy. Widely-used Flickr is a crown Web 2.0 jewel for Yahoo, which dissolved its own photo site after acquiring the company, and Getty can already license Flickr photos through a partnership announced in July. But upon further reflection there's a logic to the alleged deal.

The top story at Gawker alumni-infested Radaronline.com right now is called "Coming to America," written by regular Radar Fresh Intelligence writer Jessica Ford. It's a feature all about the new HBO show Little Britain, and, as a tagline on the story notes, is also sponsored by the new HBO show Little Britain. Meaning it's a fancy version of an ad, made more interesting with editorial content. Tacky? A sign of desperation? Or just how things work these days in the wild internet computer blogosphere?! On one hand, the story is clearly marked as a sponsored item, so it's not deceptive. On the other hand, all the rest of the story's presentation, and its placement on the site, is identical to that of a normal Radaronline.com feature. On the third hand, we here at Gawker run "sponsored" blog posts from time to time, which are (clearly marked) ads that go up with our other posts (but aren't usually written by staff writers). The same tactic is also practiced by print media, and raises grumbles sometimes when items are too similar to standard editorial stories. But as long as there's disclosure, it's generally recognized as a matter of taste more than ethics. On the fourth hand, we now have a post about Radar's blog, and Radar's blog currently has a post up about Gawker! In this way, the whole blog world is one big clusterfuck of editorial cross-promotion, even when it's coincidental (and sometimes catty!). In the end readers will decide how much the ads on any site affect the credibility they give to it. If they get the feeling your site is shilling too relentlessly, you lose. Is model-loving billionaire Ron Burkle's role in funding Radar worth mentioning here? Probably not.

What did the CEO of General Electric say about black people two weeks ago? The Black Corporate Directors Conference may have thought it was doing Jeff Immelt a favor by keeping his comments on race off the record, thus allowing him to speak more freely and so forth. But now that Immelt's statements to CNN's Soledad O'Brien and other conference panelists are the subject of damaging gossip, the hush-hush arrangement is keeping O'Brien and others from publicly denying anything. And that, fairly or unfairly, just lends the rumors more credence. Here's what a tipster told Jossip about Immelt's remarks:

When reports first surfaced that British comedian John Cleese was canoodling in Europe with 30-plus-years-younger Veronica Smiley, the couple emphasized they were just close friends getting to know one another. But now it looks like Smiley, a marketing exec at Radar's parent company, is on track to become the fourth Mrs. Cleese, assuming living gossip museum Cindy Adams has stumbled upon some actual news:

Lately the internet has been "abuzz" with rumors that NBC wants to dump its golden boy chief programmer Ben Silverman. So of course NBC itself has been equally "abuzz" assuring everyone that it wants no such thing! Are they telling the truth? Oh boy, it's time to do some serious parsing of corporate spin: Among the reasons that NBC has to be pissed at Silverman: he hasn't resurrected the network's ratings; the upcoming season of shows has no clear breakout hit; he's a party boy who stays out all night and doesn't come into the office till 11; and he tapped his old friends for important positions they weren't qualified for, which resulted in NBC doing things like paying his deputy's boyfriend $1.75 million to take his stupid show pitch and go away. At a normal job, this would result in your boss hating you. But NBC chief Jeff Zucker couldn't be happier about how things are going!

Births, Deaths, and Marriages is a column about what's happening to persons of interest in Gawker society. Send us your tips about breakups, hookups, knock-ups, and everything else that completes the circle of media-life. Today's roundup: Newsweek's Richard Wolffe, theater's John Booth, Bill Clinton's Paula Jones, and headband-wearing, pot-smoking socialite Arden Wohl's parents.Birthdays: Richard Wolffe of Newsweek is 40 today. Fun fact: he speaks Ladino, the language of the Spanish and Sephardic Jews. Frizzy-haired former Bill Clinton sex-propositionee Paula Jones is 42. [Cityfile] Deaths: John Booth, theater author and founder of the organization that sponsors TKTS, the discount theater ticket booth in Times Square. Thanks for the half-price tickets to Hairspray, good sir! [NYT]. Nina Lawson, longtime wig mistress for the Metropolitan Opera. [NYT] Breakups: Larry and Denise Wohl, parents of headband-wearing "filmmaker" socialite Arden, have separated. “I would not say that he has a girlfriend, but [Larry] was [at the Plaza] with a woman.” Well, close enough. [NY Observer]

Sarah Palin may have railed against the "Washington elite" at the Republican National Convention and bragged about how being an "average hockey mom" from a small town. But she obviously wants to fit in with American aristocracy, because according to Page Six she wore a "shantung silk Valentino [Gravani] jacket worth $2,500" while giving her down-home talk. Shantung silk, whatever the hell that is, sounds like it's from China, while Valentino is clearly Italian, which makes this thing one of the most treasonous garments ever invented. It gets worse!

You would think that Ron Burkle would lead a charmed life, considering all the perks he enjoys as a billionaire mogul. He flies around on a private jet! He cozies up to starlets! He hangs out with fellow horndog Bill Clinton! He secretly backs Radar, and has the best flacks money can buy to control his press coverage! But no amount of money will allow Burkle to have it both ways; he wants the parties and models, but not the notoriety that comes with them. Sorry Ron, you have to choose one or the other. Because when you're out bothering models and sharing girls with Leonardo DiCaprio, we hear all about it: In the Daily News' Rush & Molloy gossip column today, there was this about Dicaprio:

It turns out that frequently rehabbed former Insider host and overall smarmy dude Pat O'Brien is an underminer. And one remarkably lacking in self-awareness, at that! We really expect more from men with mustaches. See, Pat just got back from Iowa—he's "a little bit of a favorite son there"—and met the real people. To help them (somehow?), he decided to email this undermine-spirational message to everyone at The Insider and Entertainment Tonight: