If there's any remaining doubt about Lindsay Lohan and girlfriend Samantha Ronson being totally out of the closet, how's this for confirmation: A make-out session at New York's most notorious gay bar. Granted, "The Cock" tend to attract largely gays of the male persuasion, and DJ Ronson appears to have been there at least partly to satisfy her interest in the turntables and music (see picture, via Twerking). Also, it's in the East Village, which the couple have been haunting lately. But it still arches the eyebrows to see Lohan at such an unabashedly sleazy location, where blowjobs along the side wall and miscellaneous other "depravity" help retain the "seedy and vile" feel of the old location, which closed in 2005. After the jump, an excerpt of DJ Josh Sparber's report on Lohan's Cock visit.

A few months ago, at the height of her prolonged meltdown, Britney Spears alone used to account for 20% of L.A.'s paparazzi business, providing ample opportunities for photos like this one. Now, says the L.A. Times, she's cleaning up, behaving herself—and ruining the living of the city's hardworking thuggish paps:

If you're a fugitive from justice, probably one of the last things you want to do is start a video blog like Patric Ian Henn's "Boy About Town." Although he allegedly skipped out on a 12-year probation sentence, Henn peppered his Los Angeles-focused blog with videos of himself interviewing various minor celebrities at local events. After just 52 posts, including many with pictures of himself, Henn is now apparently headed back to prison, adding to the two years he already served for conning $68,000 from the Red Cross by posing as the lover of someone killed in the 9/11 attacks. Between that scam and the blog, it's clear Henn craves attention, even if it means exploiting the suffering of others. Unlike, say, the rest of us bloggers! After the jump, Henn's cringey interview with (very patient!) comedian Margaret Cho.

There have been all kinds of rumors floating around about Marc Jacobs marrying Lorenzo Matrone, the upmarket Brazilian alternative to former rentboy Jason Preston. There was even a report of a very special brunch in Paris to be followed by a vacation together, which sounded suspiciously like a reception and honeymoon. To get to the bottom of the story, Fashion Week Daily went to the trouble of tracking down not one but TWO of the designer's flacks (GOD can that man NEVER commit??). Spoiler: Jacobs, officially at least, continues to enjoy the precious freedoms necessary for his admirable life as a sexual libertine. That is to say, he is not married. But just to be extra sure, Fashion Week Daily interviewed everyone who has ever worked for, talked to or looked at Marc Jacobs, ever:

This picture, of Madonna leaving a Kabbalah center in New York Friday, is the centerpiece of a story in Britain's Daily Mail about whether the singer is uglifying herself, through excessive plastic surgery or other means. To a certain extent, one must make allowance for the fact that Madonna is caught here without makeup and at a time of great stress — her brother is writing a bitchy tell-all book, and there have been furious rumors in the press (denied as furiously) that the global celebrity is to divorce her husband and that she had a dalliance with Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez. And one must not forget that Madonna, 50 in August, is no spring chick. But it's hard to look at the unnatural pucker of her lips and the size and musculature of her arms without wondering if the singer shouldn't cut back on the four-hour-per-day gym workouts. Or to wonder whether she's turning into Michael Jackson. After the jump, an opinion from a plastic surgeon and a picture showing more of Madonna's arms.

Just when it seemed you couldn't possibly dig up another person to despise Paul McCartney's ex, Heather Mills, the lady's own publicist has just quit in a hilarious-and wordy-fit. Mills' former flack, Michele Elyzabeth, says the trouble started when Mills accused her of working on a tell-all book. "She was screaming and yelling, 'Is it true that you're writing a book about me?' I told her that it wasn't true, and she went bonkers... She was screaming so loud, she told whoever she was with to leave the room. She was yelling, 'I am tired of you, you're so stupid! You're so unprofessional.'"

"Just found out the the former President of my company is a lesbian. She was married w/ 4 kids! HINT—I work in Publishing," whispers a snitch on the YouBeMom parenting messageboard. No, not Bonnie Fuller, the secret lesbian was an "editor," someone else chimes in. Or, wait: "Wasn't an editor, she was in Advertising.. she has her own company now." Despite the unholy thread that unspools, we still have no idea who the secret lesbian—posited to be somewhere inside Conde Nast—could be. In case you were wondering what else these moms have on their shriveled little minds:Other quality threads include,

If Hulk Hogan can't make it work with his lookalike, equally bleached-blond wife, what hope is there for the rest of us? And what about Matthew Broderick and those rumors of his cheating on American's princess, Sarah Jessica Parker? And the impending divorce of the Yankee's A-Rod and his wife, after the Madonna/stripper liaisons? Summer is the season of celebrity divorces, and our Intern Morgan Miller put together a chart of the juiciest scandals, from Lucy and Desi on up. Transsexual prostitutes, drug paranoia, and herpes—as Ivana Trump once said, "Don't get mad, get everything."

Blonde actress megastar Scarlett Johannson has been accused of drug use by a random graffiti tagger! But there's even more to the imaginary rendezvous; what did you and the busty Tom Waits fan do after the party, random graffiti tagger?:

Max Mosley, the British auto racing boss who found himself in a scandal over his Nazi-or-maybe-prison-themed sex orgy video and embarrassed the world's luxury auto makers, has won his privacy lawsuit against the UK paper that published the photos, thereby killing the UK's gossip industry. Slate will find a way to make the whole thing boring. Jalopnik has the tape. Here's how Mosley won:

Just a couple of months ago, Italian con-man Rafaello Follieri was all set to make a clean getaway. He knew the feds were investigating his alleged scheme to defraud investors like Bill Clinton. He was in Europe and could have stayed there. But his then-girlfriend Anne Hathaway kept calling and insisting they needed to talk about their future. Being the sort of dope who writes a $215,000 check against an account with $39 in it, and thus not realizing Hathaway was about to dump him, Follieri said, shucks, why not. A few days after his return to the states, he was in federal custody. And now his friends are wondering if it wasn't a big setup (on behalf of the feds) by an evil Hollywood actress!

You know what's "funny" about John Edwards getting busted (pretty damn convincingly) by the National Enquirer while meeting his mistress and love child in a Los Angeles hotel? Edwards' cover story was that he was in LA to meet with the city's mayor, Antonio Villaraigosa — and Villaraigosa, like John Edwards, cheated on his wife right after a primary election! And also, wouldn't you know it, Villaraigosa's wife Corina was battling thyroid cancer at the time, sort of like how Elizabeth Edwards is now battling breast cancer. Isn't that... awful? Yes, yes it is. But also it's part of a long trend among certain American political candidates to ditch their sick wives. In fact, you might remember this disturbing behavior from such examples as: the current presumptive Republican nominee for president!

Tricia-Walsh Smith, who famously took to YouTube to humiliate her husband for allegedly deceiving her about his sex life, has seen many of the fears she aired in her videos come to pass — because she made the videos in the first place. A court ruled she must vacate her and her husband's Park Avenue apartment and settle for a lump-sum $750,000 alimony specified in a prenuptial agreement. Her husband, head of the Shubert Organization, has suffered heart problems as a result of her videos and had his reputation damaged, the judge ruled:

Adorable publishing tyke Jared Kushnergot got back together with girlfriend Ivanka Trump! Really, how could he not, they have so much in common: Both are attractive, both rich due to inherited real estate wealth and both have fathers who get extremely nasty while feuding with enemies. But Kushner is a Jew and Ivanka's a shiksa, and this has been a problem for Kushner's Orthodox family. In fact, the religious divide may very well have been behind the couple's mysterious breakup in April, around the time of their one-year anniversary. To get Kushner back, Ivanka has promised that, if things get more serious, she'll convert to Judaism. So sweet! And I'm sure the socialite feels a profound, authentic connection to the religion. Totes! Well, sort of. A friend tells Page Six the conversion is "a possibility, but that's way down the line." A brief recap of the Kushner-Trump romance, for those who have not been following along at home:

British comedian John Cleese is, as the UK tabloids would put it, dating a blonde HALF his age. But that's not the most embarrassing thing about the 34-year-old. The woman, Veronica Smiley, is also vice president for marketing at Radar magazine! (We kid, we kid. Radar has fantastic marketing.) (UPDATE: According to LinkedIn, Smiley works for Radar's parent company, Integrity Multimedia.) Smiley is based out of the Chicago office, according to Cleese's quote, although Smiley's Facebook has her in New York. Apparently she's never even heard of either Monty Python or Fawlty Towers, Cleese's two most popular serials. While we're waiting for the definitive coverage of the fling from Radar, here are some basics on the couple, who've been very chatty with the press:

Nina Garcia, the erstwhile Project Runway judge and former Elle fashion director, is truly a force of nature. We told you last week that during her final months at Elle, Garcia was getting paid a hefty fee for making public appearances for Anne Klein. But a source tells us that the Anne Klein endorsement, an angry publisher, and Garcia's own strange sense of ethics helped get her booted from Elle in the first place!

Writes socialtwit and model/publishing heiress Lydia Hearst in her Page Six mag diary this week, "We shot [a short film] o the grounds of Bette Davis' legendary L.A. mansion, which is now owned by actress Carrie Fisher. She was home while we were filming, though she never came out to say hi." If you don't think that's an under-the-radar neg, you don't know socialites very well... [Page Six Mag]

"Three young women suing billionaire Jeffrey Epstein for sex abuse at his Palm Beach mansion want a federal judge to quash the plea deal he made with the state of Florida to serve 18 months in jail in exchange for admitting he solicited a 14-year-old hooker." [Post, Previously]

Sober rocker Courtney Love posted an open letter to her myspace page last night, in which she charges that fellow musical mess Ryan Adams had something to do with stealing "858,00$" from her-and from daughter Frances Bean Cobain. Let's all try to make sense of it together, shall we?

Keith Olbermann and Rupert Murdoch's media empire keep adding to their illustrious history of mutual hatred. Last month, the Murdoch-owned Post's Page Six accused the broadcaster of valuing ketchup more than the memory of the newly dead Tim Russert. Earlier this week, Page Six ran a particularly provocative item accusing Olbermann of being, uh, too nice to the departed Tony Snow. And last night, Olbermann had his revenge for that; he was forced to call Page Six "sick, sick people" and big liars for all their lying lies. Click to watch his righteous thunder. We report and you decide, ha ha!