This month, Harper's Bazaar styled the children of the Ronson family as the Royal Tenenbaums from the 2001 Wes Anderson film. They're so right! The Ronsons have been chronicled as a weird, semi-dysfunctional family whose socialite/self-promoter Mom and rock-star stepdad eased the way for their kids' fame. The Tenenbaum children were also precocious youths, which only led to despair as adults. Bazaar points out that both sets of children are the productions of an "unconventional and artistic upbringing," leaving out the dark side of the film.Charlotte designs t-shirts or dresses or whatever and does charity stuff, producer/DJ Mark, while talented, got his start with his famous parents' connections, and his sister DJ Samantha followed on his coattails. She's admitted to not knowing how to use DJ equipment during her first gigs. (The Ronsons don't have an "adopted" daughter, as Royal Tenenbaum always mentions when introducing his daughter Margot, but they do have children from their mom's second marriage that aren't featured.) [Harper's Bazaar]

Let's just put it out there: copy editors are vaguely creepy. There they sit in their corner, poring over pages while all the reporters and (other) editors are doing the real, sexy work of journalism. What makes someone want to be a copy editor in the first place? Could it be... sexual perversion? (Kidding of course! We love copy editors, platonically). Charles Cretella, a veteran New York Times copy editor, is now going to court over a sexual harassment case that centers on-you guessed it-a fellow copy editor, who was masturbating at work. Goodness. The strange details: Cretella says the Times didn't give him a promotion because he was falsely charged with sexually harassing a new 33-year-old copy editor that Cretella was training. Very enthusiastically:

Sorry, celebrities, the paparazzi is everywhere now, because we are all paparazzi. Also, we can see through your disguises! The photo at left was snapped Saturday by "Malliser" at the All Points West music festival in Jersey City, where Radiohead played. Malliser and friend swear it's actress Marisa Tomei, next to some similarly-disguised person (who??). The photographer is from Brooklyn, so of course this ended up on a Tumblr. Maybe someone can tell Jimmy Kimmel about this nefarious Tumblr thing so he can yell at David Karp! [I Love Pat Kiernan]

Tucker Max, the "bet I can fuck this one-eyed chick in the bathroom after consuming 13 warm Coronas, bro" blogger and moviemaker-whose classic comedy movie script we excerpted for you this week-seems be an unpopular fellow, judging from the emails we receive around here. Considering the fact that he has built an "empire," ha, upon the stated foundation of being an asshole, it's not surprising. But it is getting a little hard to keep up. Today, we're going to give you a quick roundup of the various accusations against the man that have poured in to us. None of which are confirmed! Much like Tucker's own writing, they're just shit on the internet. Although several do seem to be in character for him:

Chaunce Hayden, the random dude from Jersey who publishes the little-read but often-stolen-from gossip rag Steppin' Out, is really learning to play the retribution game! Page Six boss Richard Johnson angrily told off Chaunce after Chaunce gave him a bad tip about a radio shock jock fiancee's sex tape that got the Post sued for millions. But now Chaunce has gotten his revenge the gossip way-by giving rival gossip hack Shallon Lester from the Daily News a chance to trash Page Six as a dirty place that's out to "smear people and ruin people's lives." People like Chaunce Hayden, for example! Then Shallon talks about how everyone takes bribes. "Everyone" like Page Six (yes)? We haven't quite sorted out who we're backing in this war of too many words:

Oh no! The fake launch party for the website of dating columnist Julia Allison and her fameball girlfriends—filmed for a pilot that will probably never air for their alleged reality show—ended in drama. Luckily, the girls have their lifecasting blogs to express their feelings. (We hope they've signed up for group therapy as they launch their business—crying it out is important!)

Who could possibly top Gossip Girl's mind-blowingly transgressive ad campaign in which the show trumpeted its own negative reviews—which was itself an incredible follow-up to the astounding 'OMFG' ad campaign that shocked the show business universe? The anonymous Poster Boy ad remixer, that's who. Ha ha. Click for a larger pic.

At last night's party for C-list gays, "Angels and ___," we hear that this website offended model/socialite/heiress Lydia Hearst-Shaw by referring to her as a "pseudo-heiress" the other day. Our spy Jory reported, "We ran into Alan Rish, publicist for Lydia Hearst, who was very nice but almost immediately jumped on us for yesterday's Open Caption. 'She's super cool,' [he said of Lydia]. 'She usually doesn't mind that stuff, but yesterday it got to her. I mean, 'Faux Heiress', what does that mean? She's not a faux heiress, she's a real heiress! I don't understand why you would say that!'" Yes, but... a real heiress wouldn't be so insecure about her social status. (Her mother's married name is Patricia Hearst-Shaw—so Lydia publicly—and conveniently—drops the unglamorous "Shaw.")

Mary-Kate Olsen WINS. Twice law-enforcement authorities have tried pressuring the dopey lil' actress into telling what she knows about the death of close personal friend Heath Ledger, and twice now she has successfully beaten them back — the only person connected to Ledger to successfully do so. Federal sources told first the Daily News and now the Post that U.S. prosecutors have withdrawn their investigation into the death of actor Ledger, forcing the Drug Enforcement Administration to drop demands to interview Olsen. That's a fairly humiliating retreat for an agency that just two days ago implied it would use a Grand Jury subpoena to force Olsen to tell what she knows after word leaked of frustration in its offices over Olsen's demands for immunity. Especially because the feds really did have a subpoena. Reports the News:

A totally disreputable website called WhosDatedWho has reported that Maureen McPhilmy, who's now married to Fox shouting head Bill O'Reilly, once dated cracked-out rapper Flavor Flav. This has already spawned much mockery and philosophical schadenfreude among bloggers, who point out that O'Reilly is the prototypical rap-hating nilla Republican bastard. The fact that the same website says that O'Reilly himself has dated both Jeff Gannon and Reichen Lehmkuhl doesn't seem to have come up as a counterpoint. Still, we're going to choose to believe that Bill O'Reilly married Flavor Flav's ex until Bill personally comes on our show to tell us otherwise. [The Slanderous Rumor]

It's always refreshing to see the leaders of lesser nations gadding about and having affairs with celebrities. It's positively European. Michael Misick, the Premier of the tiny little Turks and Caicos, is finding his affair a bit less breezy, however; his wife (former All of Us actress LisaRaye McCoy) just had her PR firm issue a press release saying that Misick is creeping around with the host of BET's 106 & Park. You just don't get untainted politico-celebrity voyeurism like this in America:

Harvey Levin, the schlocky managing editor of thieving celebrity news conglomerate TMZ, will have you know he's just a naturally honest man playing this dirty game. "We don't want to be a red carpet," he said, strangely, during a July interview at the EconCeleb conference. Harvey has drawn a very clear line for himself about what he will and won't cover; a line that goes back and forth and around in pinwheels until we really don't know if he's just messing with all of us:

If you've visited sites like those run by New York magazine and the Observer over the past couple of months, you may have noticed, in the comments section, repeated instances of a message that begins, "Steve Ratner [sic]... has paid my wife $500,000.00 to leave me." If you saw these comments, you probably wondered what the hell was going on. Well, the Times this morning sheds precious little light on the situation because, get this, there is a Steven Rattner, he did sleep with that guy's wife and now, as a result of the angry ex-husband's smear campaign, he has vacated his job atop the private equity division of Credit Suisse. The lesson, as relayed by the Times' hotshot finance writer Andrew Ross Sorkin, is that the internet renders "helpless" ordinary plutocrats who just want to hush up stories about how they allegedly taunted and harassed the husbands of the high-class escorts they procured on trips abroad. Wait, what?

The Associated Press now has its own law-enforcement source stating that Mary-Kate Olsen is demanding immunity before she will talk with federal agents investigating the January death of actor Heath Ledger, as the Post reported this morning. The immunity request is now all but confirmed. Olsen's attorney didn't bother to deny it in a statement addressing a number of other questions raised by the Post story, such as whether Olsen helped Ledger procure OxyContin:

In the heated days of confusion and mourning immediately following the January death of Heath Ledger, many of the actor's admirers loudly proclaimed it absurd to raise questions about the role played by the actor's friend Mary-Kate Olsen in his death and aftermath. New York police concluded their investigation into Ledger's death without even interviewing the elfish young actress, even though, as the Post repeatedly pointed out, she was told of Ledger's death before emergency responders and even though her bodyguards may have arrived at his apartment just before paramedics, who Olsen did not bother to call. Having stayed on the story, the Post today reports that federal drug agents are pressing Olsen hard to cooperate in their investigation into how Ledger obtained the powerful painkiller OxyContin without a prescription — and into what happened to the bottle:

Bernie Mac's publicist spent much of last night dispelling rumors that the 50-year-old comedian has died. He was checked into a Chicago hospital with pneumonia Friday night, but she says he's still alive and responding well to treatment. A source close to Mac's family, however, describes his condition as "very, very critical."

Sean Avery, the hockey star whose love for fashion took him to an internship at Vogue, is now said to be dating a woman 23 years his senior. But not just any older woman: Kelly Klein, 51, spent 20 childless years married to designer Calvin Klein, who recently opened up about his bisexuality and past gay exploits. After the divorce, she became a surrogate mother. Avery has taken teasing from teammates and unwelcome questions from journalists about his sexuality, so the demonstratively straight athlete could end up subject to ribbing about his girlfriend's taste in men. That would be unfair and backward, but what's refreshing about Avery — not always a beloved athlete, to say the least — has been his willingness to enjoy the things he loves, from fashion to art to sports, without worrying about whispers or labels. [Post]

Shaggy musician Ryan Adams recently announced his breakup with young singer Mandy Moore. But the temperamental blogger has nothing against ladies of a certain age, having once apparently hooked up with Courtney Love, 10 years his senior. So it's entirely plausible that Adams was being more than flirty with a certain British visual artist when, at some point this week, he posted to his mysterious Web server a page in the path "tracy_emin/this_ones_for_you_baby.html" and containing a piece of cosmic art involving a whole pizza pie. (It was attached the home page via a link entitled simply "Pizza.") Adams, after all, has been known to dedicate the song "Rip Off" to her. Only time — and photos — will tell. Adams himself, who has a track record of misleading the press about such things, most certainly will not. UPDATE: A hearty "thank you" to tipster Amy who emailed this in. (Photo by Piers Allardyce) [Ryan Adams]

People magazine has won the heated bidding war for the new Brangelina baby pictures, according to a report (unconfirmed, so far) on JustJared.com, who puts the winning bid at "between $10 million and $15 million." Rumors of a $15 million payday for the tot photos surfaced almost two months ago. People was bidding against OK!-where publisher Richard Desmond was reportedly so determined to land the rights that he was leading the negotiations personally. If People really walked away the victor here, they will have succeeded in staving off (temporarily) OK!'s ominous ambition to corner the baby picture market. [JustJared]

A couple of weeks ago, singer and serenity guru Courtney Love posted to her Myspace a long rant entitled "Ryan Adams you fucking weasel. deal with it.858,00$." No one knows exactly what Love said in the missive, precisely, but the scholarly consensus at this point is that it involved Adams using Love's American Express card and checkbook to pay for record expenses well above and beyond what Love felt had been authorized, possibly while Adams and Love were sexing one another. Also, Adams was supposedly spending money intended for Love's 15-year-old daughter, Frances Bean Cobain. Now Adams has linked, from a strange box in the upper-right corner of his Web homepage, something of a response. Or at least it seems that way. He could be talking about some other "reality-challenged" person accusing him of "fictonal crime against innocents." But probably not! An excerpt: