Former nightlife big shot and current honest blogger Steve Lewis reminisces today about his experiences with the clubland PR business. He starts out by saying, "When I used to hire PR it was for damage control." Not for strategic brand building outreach? Such a forthright man! Then he tells a story about a long-ago high profile stabbing incident that made its way onto Page Six; it sums up everything you need to know about spin, gossip, and the dangers of imaginary caviar forks:

If you were falling, and you had the choice between protecting your face and your Macbook Air, which one would you choose? Let's just say that Charlie Rose now has a black eye. (Why wouldn't he use makeup, though? To prove a point about how much he luvs his new computer, maybe — or to show us how badass he is!) His producers report that the Air is doin' fine post-accident. [Engadget]

One unremarked aspect to that JuicyCampus article in the Times today is that it was written by Richard Morgan. Remember him? Morgan's the guy who quit Gawker after one day. Denton said he "spluttered out" after being unable to handle the site's fast pace, but Morgan claimed he quit because he wanted no part of all this nasty internet gossip. Morgan told New York mag that working at Gawker was "Hell" because "There is no vision beyond page views... Nick would tell me to post, like, something about Us Weekly getting Ashlee Simpson's engagement wrong. And then he wanted me to do another on Playgirl." With the much looser deadlines at the Times, it seems like Richard Morgan has no problem covering gossip blogs or discussing just who might be the sluttiest sorority girl at UC Irvine.

Art show! Posing for a good mug shot is never easy. I say this from experience! They don't let you style your hair, and your makeup is usually confiscated by this point in the arrest process. (Try asking the cop to buy you a cup of coffee, then use the grounds as eyeliner.) If you're a celeb, you're going to want to look good: Los Angeles artist Rachel Schmeidler is turning celebrity mug shots into pop art, compiled at Hollywood's Most Wanted. It's been a busy year for her! [LA Times] Want to see a recent mug shot of reckless-driving Dawn Wells, aka Mary Ann from "Gilligan's Island"? Yeah you do.

Girls Gone Wild visionary and Ronn [sic] Torossian client Joe Francis is out of jail and back on Page Six! The nicey-nice item today says Francis has no time for naked underage girls any more, now that he has an important literary magazine to produce. Hey, looks like Joe's hosting of P6 boss Richard Johnson's bachelor party (which was only somewhat marred by a rape allegation against Francis) is still paying dividends. [P6 via Radar]

He's back on the web! You might know the scruffster for his music (Love Is Hell), but you might also know him from his entertaining oversharey Internet exploits! Exhibit 1: sending us a poem for ex-girlfriend, writer Jessica Joffe, after she blocked his email. Exhibit 2: Making multiple YouTube videos about said breakup. Now that he's back, we hope to read his delightfully unedited thoughts for a long, long time. To wit: "If only I had the lack of self respect to just bury myself in some nagging bosom in the bowels of the Beatrice Inn." Oh, yeah? Also, his "mega-talented thespian pal Park" gave him a drum.

Charlie Rose brought the man he called "kingmaker of new technology startups" onto his show last week. The kingmaker told Rose that tech gossip blogs like Valleywag —ok he didn't actually name us, but we knew who he was talking about — are a "trainwreck." Quote: "Silicon Valley, I believe, we're all geeks. We're not ready for this kind of attention where, literally, people are taking pictures of the inside of your house." But then why did we invent the camera phone?

Large-headed, sensitive singer John Mayer is blogging again. Today, he gets a little meta ("I wouldn't traditionally take to a blog to explain a blog"), trying to explain the "Dear ex lover, please stop contacting me" post that has US Weekly conducting a poll about which famous ex he's talking about: Jessica Simpson? Cameron Diaz? Oh, it was a hypothetical letter, John explains.

We've mentioned JuicyCampus before, that anonymous collegiate gossip board ruining lives at 60 campuses nationwide. Did you know, some students are using it to call girls sluts and stuff? Well, they are! Yale isn't having any more of it and want to have the site banned, but that "could go against Yale's official policy of protecting freedom of expression, 'even when some members of the University community fail to meet their social and ethical responsibilities.'" Some say this should not apply to anonymous speech. Slut. [Yale Daily News]

According to Jeff Bercovici, Maxim no. 2 A.J. Baime "quietly returned to Playboy, from whence new Maxim editor in chief James Kaminsky poached him." Maxim is suffering from declining newsstand sales and also that whole flap with the Black Crowes review they made up before hearing the album. Meanwhile, we hear... that former Page Sixer and current Maxim deputy editor Chris Wilson either got canned last week or is the kind of dude who uses the "I just got fired" line to pick up ladies at Beatrice. Update: According to Chris Wilson, Chris Wilson still works at Maxim. "Your spies must have misheard. Maybe I said I'm tired, because it was late."

In late January, a widowed man asked Slate's "Dear Prudence" about his prudish gal-friend: he wanted to sleep "in the nude" with her, citing the "intimacy" of said experience. She, on the other hand, felt the exact opposite. Today, in the Chicago Tribune's "Ask Amy" column, the exact same question was posed — this time, from the woman's perspective! Is each half of this couple reaching out, through an advice column? Or is someone pulling a fast one on the Tribune? (Based on the nearly-identical wording, we think that's the case!) Click for matching his n' hers letters.

PageSix.com: a name that carries weight not only in the corridors of gossipdom, but in the virtual corridors of the internet blog-o-world. The Post's gossip site knows that it needs to spread its influence throughout the online realm in order to remain competitive. But they're not so clear on what a blog is. The following email from Page Six was sent to a MAGAZINE—NOT A BLOG—which really undermines its call for solidarity amongst gossip bloggers:

This story is so awesome: in part because it centers around Hud Morgan, the scarf-wearing and fruitini-drinking libertine who's dating a barely legal daytime TV actress; but mainly because last night's incident between two journalists at the Beatrice Inn is an echo of the noir New York of vicious gossip columnists and drunken fights over starlets. (If we're playing Sweet Smell Of Success, can I be J.J. Hunsecker, please?)

There are so many spectacular headlines on TMZ and Us Weekly's websites every day that I must sift through, including this groundbreaking revelation about the most imperiled children in the world. And because I'm in a bad mood, I'm inflicting them upon you. This one is my favorite, and I've included another after the jump. Suckers!

The internet: at least it's good for investigating things. Like that crazy kid who shot up Northern Illinois University, for example. What did he say on Myspace? What did he say in school papers? These bits and pieces of online information are the new currency of citizen-level investigative reporting. They allowed bloggers to correctly name the shooter before his name had been released [Chicago Tribune]. But the vast and heretofore useless collection of random, unrelated facts on the web also has another, far more important use: providing us the answer to all Blind Item gossip.

Like perhaps everyone who has a website of any kind, we recieve TMZ blast email alerts all day, every day. This is not a complaint—they're often entertaining, if just as often completely inexplicable (TMZ EXCLUSIVE: Alleged 'Entourage' Victim Says "Never Mind!" TMZ: Miley Cyrus' Achy Breaky Stomach! TMZ EXCLUSIVE: Paris Has Too Many Bitches?!! TMZ EXCLUSIVE: Hoff to Pam: One French Maid, Pleeeze! TMZ EXLUSIVE: Randy Quaid's Wife — Nazis Out to Get Randy). This, though, is the weirdest one we have ever received. It's a sighting of Fawn Hall. The noted Iran-Contra figure. Ollie North's old secretary apparently works in a bookstore now, guys, in case you were wondering. Now someone get on the Eugene Hasenfus beat! (Click to enlarge)

In a move that may send the space-time fabric of the Manhattan gossip media folding in on itself with apocalyptic results, Leven Rambin, the Julia Allison-connected 17 year-old All My Children actress, love object of Hud Morgan, and proto-starlet of the celebrity-industrial complex, has announced that she will be playing a "Lindsay Lohan-esque character" in an upcoming episode of "Lipstick Jungle." So, "does that mean she's a messy party girl with a coke problem?" wonders Ben Widdicombe. "'Oh yes,' Rambin nodded enthusiastically, and then added: 'The character that is, not me.'" The implications are staggering. A recap, a link to a handy visual aid, and a guide to the key questions we now face, below.

Paris Hilton just flashed her nipple at a Hollywod club, and it's not because she was supposedly smoking a joint or about to get it on with actor Simon Rex. It's because Paris will not be left out of a celebrity nudity trend. Sex tapes? She is the queen of sex tapes. Vadge flashes? She taught Britney Spears that move. But just last month Britney flashed her boob like she's some kind of Janet Jackson, and Paris WILL NOT BE UPSTAGED. Here's Paris' nipple, and those that bravely paved the way for it (marginally NSFW):

Actor, model, cheesecake entrepreneur, and publicist Michael Sands is helping his client, Britney manager/ extorter Sam Lutfi, protect his valuable reputation by craftily playing gossip outlets against each other. TMZ reported last night that the LAPD is investigating Lutfi for illegally drugging Britney. Hours later, PageSix.com struck back with a report that the po-po is doing no such thing [UPDATE: Radar.com takes credit for the original scoop]! The evidence is clear:

The HuffPo features Michael Musto in My Favorite Mistake, the column in which they ask luminaries about the big mistakes they learned from. The Village Voice gossip/nightlife columnist reveals that he "purposely sabotage[s] opportunities to get bigger" and is comfortable with being "the alternative weekly guy in the corner." However, he's really torn up about the massive ad campaign he could've been in—if only he hadn't sent the them that one pic of him in a hoop-skirted dress. The year was 1987. The ad campaign? Amaretto di Saronno liqueur.