If you happened to think America’s soul-searching regarding the traditions of the Greek system had in any way curbed the drinking and hazing habits of the fine youngsters inhabiting our fraternities and sororities, well: It hasn’t.

The so-called “Safe Campus Act,” a nonsense bill that would keep colleges from punishing rapists unless victims agree to go to the police, had seemingly unanimous support from national fraternity and sorority organizations—until today. Alpha Phi has become the first sorority to come out against the bill in a statement made “at the request of many of our members and chapters.”

Fraternities and sororities serve a very worthwhile social purpose by sorting young Americans into handy stereotypes that will aid you in avoiding them during college. But some Greek undergrads think they get a bad rap, and are acting like jerks on Facebook to fix that.

Sorority rush is currently in full swing at many of our nation's top institutions of higher learning, and that means that a lot of young ladies' mothers and fathers have, perhaps unwittingly, paid for the production of extravagant videos to make their daughter's sorority look the best. Lucky for us, they're all on YouTube.

It's sorority rush season, ladies, and everyone you know needs to be judged on a scale of "NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" to "THE COOLEST GIRL YOU'VE EVER MET THAT WILL FOR SURE BE AN ASSET TO OUR HOUSE!" Use this Alpha Phi rush handbook a tipster sent us to help make your judgment.

With Rolling Stone's story on gang rape at the University of Virginia spinning down the crapper, the gentlebros of Phi Kappa Psi are striking back—with a stupid, carefully worded press release. It basically means nothing.

Hell hath no feces like a sorority girl scorned.

A Georgia Tech fraternity will likely face discipline after one of its top members sent out a chapter-wide email advising brother on how to lure "rapebait" at parties.

Young people are bad at voting, but very good at boozing. So what's one reliable way to get them to the polls? The promise of a free drink.

In response to Long Island's <a href="https://www.gawkerarchives.com/385397/head+bashing-sorority-on-alleged-hazing-victim-she-punched-us-first

">Hofstra University sorority scandal, in which 19-year-old Courtney Holt said she was brutally hazed (the Phi Epsilon sorority responded that she was a mean drunk), a Hofstra alumn has written in. Surprise: the sorority is def evil, she says, and those girls are just as horrible as you might have imagined. "Although this Holt girl def seems like a psycho, a lot of the other information that she states is true... For one being Branded... yes they're branded with a three pronged fork to represent their three values (which is why they have a effing cow as a sorority symbol, and they always say 'love x3')."

The New York Post ran a story this morning about a poor young lady named Courtney Holt, a 19-year-old Boston native (woot?), who is claiming she was subjected to cruel hazing rituals while pledging the Phi Epsilon sorority at Hofstra University. It's not a sorority, "it's a cult," she claimed. They bashed her head into a wall, they said they would "kill me and slit my throat." That sounds terrible. For reasons I can't quite go into, I once had a raving band of Long Island coeds trying to kill me, and it was pretty scary.* But! Not so, says the sorority. In an internal email sent out this morning to alumni, someone from the sorority claims that Holt was an angry drunk who was violent at bars, that her mother was a lunatic who is banned from the Hofstra campus, that she trashed people's rooms and called them "cunt." Dear me! Who's telling the truth? And more importantly, who's to blame for all these girls who have gone wild?? How about sororities in general. Or, even better, that filthy whore Miley Cyrus. That sounds nice and reactionary, right? Full ZOMG sorority email after the jump.