The Gloss made a list of "13 Most Embarrassing Things That Can Happen During Sex," ranging from "not being able to perform" to "saying 'I love you.'" Charming, but totally false. This list doesn't use the word "poop" even once.

In a verdict that will please every American who goes into a convenience store, a judge ruled that the FDA can't make cigarette companies put graphic and disgusting anti-smoking warnings on their packaging. Thank god.

Slime Killer Hagfish Feasts in Rotten Flesh sounds like a B horror movie from the 1950s, but it's totally not: It's the title of this brand-new New Scientist article on hagfish, which might be the grossest, most disgusting-est fish in the ocean.

Louis Cole is a man with a pleasant British accent and extremely unpleasant eating habits—the latter guided in part by his fans, who make suggestions about what he should stunt-eat next. "To Louis, anything is food," says his Facebook page; his YouTube channel, FoodforLouis, confirms this, with featuring him eating all kinds of bugs and even "blended mice." Here we see him crunching on a live scorpion—who really wants to sting him (mostly because it's cynical about Louis' motives) but doesn't get the chance. Louis nearly gags during the mastication process, but rather calmly gets the job done without serious interruption.

Reality television has folded in on itself so many times, parody versions are barely distinguishable from the real thing. Case in point: The contestants of Survivor with their hands tied behind their backs, tearing at pig carcasses with their mouths. With their gaping maws full of animal flesh, they race to a pair of bins to spit the meat out. They are judged by the amount of meat they hoarded.

So, here is the kind of care you can expect if you are a migrant worker in China who cuts off his own thumb in an accident: The doctor will, over your objections, replace the missing thumb with one of your toes. Aaaaand... that's basically it. You say your foot hurts and your new thumb-toe is useless? No, sorry, that's actually not true: "Huiyang Bone-setting Hospital... insists that the thumb has recovered." We tend to agree with this commenter: "Strongly recommended that the doctor transplant his buttocks onto his head!" [ChinaSmack]

You know how you get all excited every time you go to the grocery store and there's someone serving up those free samples. That's about to be ruined forever. That's because one guy plead guilty to putting his jizz in a yogurt sample he served to a woman.

Which of the following is the correct response to this video of Chris Brown pantomiming sex, then licking a lady's face and knee?

Bad news for West Coast junkies (is there really any other kind of news for junkies?): Two cases of suspected botulism in Seattle have been blamed on tainted black tar heroin, in addition to four recently in Texas, according to the Los Angeles Times. It's especially bad because the only real way to find out your stash is tainted is to contract botulism!

Really, you probably shouldn't do anything if you feel like you have to puke, except go to the bathroom. But you especially shouldn't go hang gliiding. That being said, we're very impressed with this gentleman's ability to direct the stream of high-speed vomit away from his instructor. (Although, the poor people on the ground!) [via Reddit]

Last week, American screen treasure (and by treasure I mean costar in Lethal Weapon movies) Danny Glover was feted by the Deauville Film Festival in France. Good for him! What totally sucks is his attire. He wore those awful toe shoes on the red carpet!

Just last year it seemed almost inevitable that genetically engineered Frankenfish would soon be readily available to American consumers. But some lawmakers, like Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski, are a little creeped out by the idea and are holding up FDA approval. Murkowski told the AP that the idea of eating Frankenfish "kind of gives me the heebie jeebies."

Organizers of the State Fair of Texas have just announced the winners of the Big Tex Choice Awards—the annual cooking deep-frying contest for fair concessionaires—and for the "most creative" dish they chose Fried Bubblegum. Which doesn't have any gum in it. Creative! Also: what?

You'd think a professional chef who is also a cannibal would be into some ambitious human meat food, right? Nope! A 21-year-old Russian cook and (now-jailed) cannibal settled for some boring old meatballs and sausages.

Below is a video of WTTG's Tucker Barnes casually giving a live report on Hurricane Irene today from Ocean City, Maryland while drenched in what he described as "organic matter" that "doesn't taste great." I wonder why it didn't taste great?

Earlier this week we learned that dogs are good for your respiratory system because they can smell your lung cancer. But are dogs also maybe bad for your lungs, because they manufacture poop that's loaded with airborne bacteria?

Major fast food chains generally prefer to have kiddie touchers for mascots. But trend-setting Burger King has had enough with its "creepy" king. Get ready to experience what one expert calls "the Whole Foods effect":

Of course the New York Post followed the guy who peed on a sleeping 11-year-old during a JetBlue flight all the way up to his parents' home in Vermont yesterday, where the reporter was greeted with, "We have no comment, nothing to say" from his mother. The paper notes that the pisser and his mother were unloading skis and luggage. As it turns out, 18-year-old Robert "Sandy" Vietze is one of the top young alpine skiers in the country and is listed on the US Ski Team's Development Team roster. Until yesterday, that is.

Did you know you can get arrested for popping your zits in public? Well, maybe not you, because you don't have warrants out for your arrest. (Do you?) But if you are Owen Lemire Kato of Cape Coral, Florida, and have an OxyContin syringe in your pocket and outstanding drug-related arrests, and spend ten minutes popping the zits on your back outside a local McDonald's, and it ruins everyone's appetites, and some crazy person actually calls the cops to report you for grossing them out?

We've all been on some pretty bad flights. But a JetBlue flight from Oregon to JFK yesterday, well, ew.