Meatpacking District hellhole Tenjune, besides serving as a microcosm of all that's wrong with humanity, is also owned by a dude who possibly likes to jerk off in front of his employees — according to a lawsuit filed by four employees, that is. Mark Birnbaum, the club's co-owner, is facing allegations that he "[M]ade unwelcome sexual advances, requested sexual favors, and engaged in inappropriate and illegal verbal and physical conduct of a sexual nature with plaintiffs, all of whom are young female employees at the lounges." Classy.

Do you throw your salami in the microwave before eating it? If not, you're screwed and might die (or at least get diarrhea) from nasty Listeria monocytogenes hanging around in your food. Mmm, steaming hot lunch meat.

Texas tourist pied piper, the Naked Cowboy, had an unexpected guest today in Times Square. It was Larry the Cable guy, who also donned the Naked Cowboy's trademarked diaper (no really, he has that thing trademarked) to film an episode of his reality show. This is just the worst.

Starbucks has attracted its fair share of negative attention over the years. Here's another bit of bad news for detractors to feast on. Last week, a group of friends was socializing outside a Starbucks near Richmond, BC when they noticed a rat enjoying the coffee chain's delicious syrup dispensers. Naturally, they filmed the action. And now you're nauseous. [BCLocal via Eater]

There's nothing quite like giving the government money to get someone all hot and bothered, right? Kevin Robert Theriault (pictured) had been stalking a woman dressed as the Statue of Liberty advertising a tax service in Tempe, Arizona, flashing her three times in as many weeks, as well as jerking off on the street. And of course, he came back for Tax Day. According to the East Valley Tribune:

The ballots for Worst Teacher Ever have been tabulated — and we have a tie! And they're married! Gay Davidson-Shepard, 59, and her husband Daniel Alma Shepard, 61, both high school educators from Orange County, have been charged with engaging in illegal sex acts with a 17-year-old boy. They're currently out on $150,000 bail.

After Charlie Sheen's show at Toronto's Massey Hall last week, local news correspondent Saphia Khambalia filed a live report from outside the theater. Unfortunately for Khambalia, all that anybody could focus on was the giant snot rocket that kept going in and out of her nose. Poor girl! [via The Hairpin]

Remember a couple of months ago when an outbreak of Legionnaire's disease (Legionellosis) sickened over a hundred guests at the Playboy Mansion? L.A. County public health officials have traced the sometimes deadly disease to a "whirlpool spa," according to The Los Angeles Times. Makes sense, because Legionnaire's is "transmitted from contaminated aerosols generated in hot tubs if the disinfection and maintenance program is not done rigorously." Gross.

Moms: have you "picked a date" to sit down with your eight year-old daughter and discuss menstruation? What are you waiting for? "A study published in Pediatrics last year found that in the United States, 15 percent of American girls begin puberty by age 7." The Kotex corporation "has you covered," ha. Andrew Adam Newman reports:

The Icelandic Phallological Museum is getting its first real human penis soon, after the death of 95-year-old Pall Arason, a friend of the museum's curator who agreed to donate his well-traveled dick some years ago. From the AP:

Question: Is there anything grosser than a worm-strewn sidewalk after an afternoon downpour in the suburbs? When every concrete surface is slathered with waterlogged nightcrawlers, lying in heaps like flesh-colored boogers?

Employees at Google and AOL are among those going barefoot today to raise awareness of shoeless poor kids. If only there were some other way rich techies could help third world children, aside from disgustingly and dangerously removing their shoes!

Italy's greatest self-tanning sex fiend, Silvio Berlusconi, yesterday traveled to the island of Lampedusa to encourage xenophobia and to scare African migrants back to where they came from. He even said he was buying a vacation home there because the island is so fucking sexy. But aside from promising to tackle his self-made immigration problem — North Africans fleeing violence perpetrated by Berlusconi's dictator buddies — the old man found some time to joke around with the island's lovely ladies, according to the Daily Mail:

An obese man died after being found "fused to his chair" in his Bellaire, Ohio home, where he had sat in a recliner for two years. Police—called by his girlfriend—had remove him through a hole in the wall.

After a fight with his pregnant girlfriend, a Staten Island man went to her house, stripped naked in the elevator, and took a crap. He then wiped the crap on her door and used his clothes to set the poop and her door on fire. What a shitty thing to do!

Cleaner Sarah Kemp and builder George Bentley met over the internet and began a months-long email relationship before agreeing to meet up in person in London. Whereupon the couple discovered that they were long-lost siblings.

A tipster forwards us a totally insane email sent to New York City's Elite Yelpers - the frequent reviewers Yelp invites to special, free events (all of whom, it should be noted, must be at least 21 years old). It seems a Yelp staffer witnessed "absolute, abject terror in the eyes of a waiter" at a recent event who was "traumatized by the rabid ferocity with which certain guests attacked his plate of hors d'oeuvres."

A tipster sent us this picture he took on Sunday night of a big, furry rat curled up in the window of the Skechers store in Manhattan's Union Square. (Click here to view the full-size photo.) Is that seriously nasty, or what? Who on earth would wear such hideous shoes?

Pop music thingamajig Lady Gaga is known for her crazy outfits, but it seems like she has a thing or two to learn about her beauty regiment. She goes to sleep in her makeup every night.

What you are about to witness is the beginning of an urban legend.