Happy Independence Day, America! And what better way to celebrate President Whitmore's famous speech than with fireworks? But please, be safe! We've collected some important fireworks safety tips here. Print out several copies and bring them to your barbecue! It's a great way to make friends.

While sorting books, Reddit user unmoderated found a copy of New York: Behind the Scenes, a 1939 guide by Lee Mortimer, and scanned the very valuable "Young Lady in Manhattan..." section (apparently part of a larger "Family in Manhattan" chapter). It's fascinating. And, admittedly, a little out of date ("unescorted ladies might as well hang themselves after ten p.m."), though the job market for young New Yorkers doesn't sound all that different from now:

America loves having its movies and television shows recapped, reviewed, and regurgitated back to them, but the one thing that it hates more and more is having the events of those things spoiled by reviewers. It's time for a guide on what constitutes a spoiler and what does not.

Congressmen and Senators may be having some trouble with their debt ceiling negotiations today — specifically, Republicans keep walking away of them — but that's not really important. Who cares about "bonds"? Especially today, on Seersucker Thursday!

These 14 sexual harassment "defenses," culled from the deepest, darkest corners of Google's archives, don't always win over the hearts and minds of juries, but they do succeed in causing nausea, outrage, and hives. [Jezebel]

Kim Kardashian and fiance Kris Humphries went shopping for their wedding registry at Gearys yesterday, a store that specializes in severe lampshades and angry-looking napkin rings. Come, let us tour the online registry for their Wedding of the Century. We seem to have a Wedding of the Century every month now, no? [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Greetings, faithful reader. We assume you are reading this on Sunday, after the Rapture did not occur on Saturday as you believed it would. How do you deal with such a stunning turn of events? We're here to help.

Everyone knows that bedbugs are gross jerks that attack war veterans. But were you aware that they're also gassy? Luckily, you can use their flatulence against them thanks to an "exciting newly patented product" called the BBD-100.

In-the-know Americans have been getting ready for May 21, when Jesus is going to return to Earth and kick off the Rapture—aka "Judgment Day." Hopefully you're prepared for all the excitement to come, yes?

A Pennsylvania woman found a five-pound package of marijuana on her doorstep this week. The same thing happened to a nearby elderly couple. What should you do if you receive a large package of weed? Let us help you.

Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson (R) declared his candidacy for President Thursday morning, adding a libertarian voice to the emerging GOP field.

The key question with dinosaurs, as with so many things, is "How can I have sex with them?" With the help of Slate's Explainer column, we've constructed a step-by-step guide.

The Atlantic has compiled a list of Sarah Palin's feuds that have broken out in the media, which it can't stop updating as more and more come to memory. Here's the long list thus far, which includes this lil' old website here.

It's April 1st, the day when every office jokester and petty prankster thinks up some gags at your expense that they think will be hilarious. Well, not this year, jackass. Here's a guide on how not to fall for anything.

According to a new article in the British Journal of Psychiatry, the rate of depressive disorders among men in Western countries is likely to increase greatly—possibly catching up with that of women, who are are currently twice as likely to be diagnosed with a depressive disorder. Are you a man? Don't worry! We have solutions for you.

Fox has scheduled its love-it-or-hate-it hit Glee in the time slot immediately following the Super Bowl. This means millions of drunk straight guys will watch the beginning and think, "What the hell?" We're here to fill you in.

The AP is reporting that the rumored deal is done: Bill Daley, the "business friendly" Democratic royal who stands for everything liberals hate, will be Barack Obama's new chief of staff. Should you be enraged by this?

According to The Wall Street Journal, no one uses "dear" as a salutation when writing emails, because it is "girlie." This makes writing email so confusing! Luckily, we're here to help, with a guide to letter-writing in the 21st century.

The new Republican House majority will be sworn in tomorrow, the start of the 112th Congress. Have you bought a dress yet? You'll want to look good as you watch tomorrow's events on John Boehner's Facebook, from your cubicle.

The many incoming Republican members of Congress are still enjoying Freshmen orientation: Boring lectures by day, secret Boehner orgies by night. But are these sore, hungover noobs even learning anything? Yes! It's all found in Eric Cantor's Official Freshmen Guide.