A reader sends us this photo of a note to trick-or-treaters left on a door in Las Vegas: "Porch light is off... You know what that means??? No candy here, cunts! Run back to mommy + daddy, cuz I'm a witch. Don't look back motherfuckers!"
In Los Angeles, a Halloween reveler dressed up in a Smurf costume crossed paths with some alleged gang members and ended up getting shot in the calf, round-the-clock Halloween news source the L.A. Times reports. The Smurf had only been trying to help his girlfriend—who was also dressed as a Smurf—after one of the so-called gang members had punched her; he's now in stable condition.
The celebrities have begun trickling out of their castles, mansions, and forest lairs to host or hit up Halloween parties, collect their high-calorie holiday booty, and inspire jealousy-driven shut-ins like us to mock their outfits.
A 17-year-old woman was found hanging from a noose inside the "Creepyworld" haunted house attraction in Fenton, Mo. last week—possibly being mistaken by customers for a prop.
If you're one of the nation's top "foreclosure mill" law firms—representing Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase, Bank of America and Wells Fargo in their attempts to foreclose on homes and evict homeowners—what better way to celebrate Halloween than by throwing a party where everyone comes as a dirty, homeless victim of your practice?
Halloween isn't until Monday, which means that you still have a couple of days to slap together a quick costume. And do you know what kind of costume is quicker than quick? The kind you buy at a store. No, it's not very creative—and navigating overcrowded costume shops this weekend won't be fun—but at least you'll be appropriately dressed at any Halloween party you attend.
According to Wendy Williams and this other lady whose parents must be very proud of her for becoming a "pet fashion stylist," it is very trendy and important to dress your dog up for Halloween because there are a lot of events you both should be attending.
The National Review has discovered the most comical of ways to celebrate our nation's holy day, Halloween: Writing a special Halloween-themed column about how liberals are pussies! "How to Scare a Liberal to Death," is the column from real person "H.W. Crocker III," who's put together a list of the best old-timey aristocratic conservative costumes to scare your precious liberal friends.
On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert focused on the so-called "War on Halloween" and the alternative that some Christian activists have been pushing called Jesus Ween, which involves people dressing up like Jesus and passing out Bibles in lieu of trick-or-treating. Colbert argued that Halloween and Jesus actually have a lot in common: "Think about it: Jesus rose from the dead. He's the original zombie, except you eat His body."
When the hordes of little tykes dolled up like Dora the Explorer and Spider-Man and whatever other licensed character costumes their parents bought for them at Target show up at your door this Halloween, know that you are being judged. No, it's not on your costume or your synced light show on your house. They're judging you on the treats you put in their bags.
On Sunday, child bride Courtney Stodden seductively sauntered to a scintillating Santa Clarita pumpkin patch with her hoary husband, Doug Hutchison. But before the couple could consummate the trip, they were pulled aside and precluded from purchasing any pumpkins due to the prurient nature of Courtney's clothing. On tonight's AC360, Anderson Cooper defended Courtney and her right to flaunt her "crack-o-lantern" when he put her jealous haters on his "Ridiculist."
Now, I love Halloween and I think that the display KJ92508 has rigged up in Riverside, California, is just about the coolest thing since the lady in my neighborhood used to give out whole Snickers bars to trick or treaters, but, man it must suck to be his neighbor. Not only are you blinded by the lights and strobes and other effects, but just imagine all the visitors trying to get a glimpse of this dancing house!
This morning the clown-wigged sea snakes of Fox & Friends shifted from Christmas to Halloween, discussing some school principals who are waging war on school-time Halloween festivities. The sad outrage of it all!
If paparazzi pictures are to be believed, every celebrity in Hollywood spent the weekend taking their kids to a pumpkin patch. I'm positive that they didn't see anything as awesome as one of Ray Villafane's jack-o-lanterns. He is to pumpkin carving what Kim Kardashian is to butts.
On Sunday, the Food Network aired Sandra's Halloween Wonderland, an hour-long special from Semi-Homemade Cooking host Sandra Lee. To say that the program—which featured half a dozen costume changes and nearly twice as many cocktail recipes—was a train wreck would be an understatement. But don't just take my word for it! Check out the above compilation to see the special's most absurd moments for yourself.
