J.K. Rowling and President Barack Obama sat down for dinner, and, unlike her usual go-to, Rowling has stayed mercifully mum about the dinner.

Grow up, J.K. Rowling! C’mon!

J.K. Rowling announced Friday that “not a prequel” to her quadrillion-selling Harry Potter septology is headed for London’s Palace Theatre in summer 2016. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child will cover the “untold part” of Harry’s story, including the lives of his dead mom and dad. (Again, “not a prequel.”)

Lance Armstrong, one of the biggest dicks and frauds in the history of men, is shocked that people cannot forget what a dick and a fraud he is—even now, months after he let his girlfriend take the fall for “partying” and hitting cars. This guy! He literally thinks he is “Voldemort,” the villain in the “Harry Potter” novels.

It’s time to move on, J.K.!!

Yesterday, famous children's-book author J.K. Rowling offered a cryptic tweet:

The Guinness World Records has declared Menahem Asher Silva Vargas, a 37-year-old adult lawyer, the owner of the world's largest Harry Potter memorabilia collection. His trove of Hogwarts treasures contains over 3,000 pieces of junk. Congrats.

50 Cent used the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge to troll his former friend, boxer Floyd "Money" Mayweather, with a contest of a different nature. Fuck a bucket of ice and $100: 50 will donate $750,000 to any charity if Mayweather can read an entire page of a Harry Potter book.

Daniel Radcliffe, the boy who lived through playing Harry Potter and continued to have an acting career, is his own worst critic. He told the Daily Mail on Sunday that growing up onscreen as the star of the highest-grossing movie franchise of all time was "an incredible blessing," but didn't do much for him as an actor.

J.K. Rowling sent a letter "from Dumbledore" to 15-year-old Cassidy Stay, the sole survivor of last month's tragic Texas shooting. Stay's entire family was murdered in the attack—she survived by playing dead and kept more people from being shot by calling 911. Rowling likely reached out to her because she quoted Harry Potter at her family's public memorial.

Bajillion-selling author J.K. Rowling has been hard at work in her Harry Potter universe this year, scripting the upcoming Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but her best-known characters have remained on the shelf since the series concluded. Until last night, that is, when Rowling returned to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, now in their 30s, in a new story on her Pottermore website.

Warner Brothers will adapt J.K. Rowling's wonderful extended Harry Potter-universe Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them into a trilogy of "megamovies," according to the New York Times. What is a megamovie? Who cares! "The stories, neither prequels or sequels, will start in New York about seven decades before the arrival of Mr. Potter and his pals."

The actress apparently painted this with her own hand. This photo originally turned up on Tumblr and Reddit user immigat discovered proof of the self-portrait's existence in a 2011 Vogue article:

Merlin's beard! J.K. Rowling has admitted regret over forcing her character Hermione Granger to wed troubled ginger Ron Weasley in the little-known Harry Potter books.

In normal times, the arctic bird of prey known as the Snowy Owl stays up north, feasting upon the flesh of lemmings. But these are not normal times, so the owls have come south with the terrible arctic weather. "They are just absolutely everywhere and there's a lot more coming," says an expert who knows about the owls.

Hush all you sports haters and instead click and watch one of the best halftime performances ever by a college marching band. During halftime at Saturday’s Ohio State / Penn State football game, Ohio State’s marching band took the field and performed an ode to the music of Hollywood blockbuster films.

Harry Potter turns 33 today. That's way older than we all thought he was, right?

Great news if you've been meaning to have a baby with Daniel Radcliffe for a while but have yet to broach the subject with him because you're worried he'll say no or won't know what a baby is or won't know who you are. (It's me, Daniel Radcliffe. The girl who lives in your cupboard. I'm ready to have a baby with you.) He is ready to have a baby with you. He's been waiting for you to ask him all along.

On Friday, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge took Little Brother of the World, Prince Harry, on a trip to Warner Bros. Studios for the new Making of "Harry Potter" tour. According to People, while there, William shouted "Expelliarmus!" at a group of children also brandishing fake wands. It's unclear why he felt it necessary to disarm them.

Though it's been years since the last book's release, Harry Potter is getting itself a little makeover.