The classmate Willow Palin called a "faggot" on Facebook does not accept big sister Bristol's apology: "Willow called me a faggot in front of the whole world and my family." He thinks she "may be" homophobic.

On her Facebook page, Bristol Palin quasi-apologized for egging on sister Willow during a Facebook freakout about a "faggot." Then, Bristol took a page from her mother's playbook, complaining about "haters" who seek to "destroy" her magnificent televised dancing career.

Alternative rock god Billy Corgan is miffed that a recently-reunited Pavement is trying to steal his thunder at a show with the Smashing Pumpkins in Brazil, so he's reviving the most boring rock "beef" of all time on Twitter.

The headline says it all. As the voice of Ash Ketchum, let me assure you: we are not playing any games with you. Your storyline ideas will the butts of our jokes for a long time to come. Thank you.

Glenn Beck has been lambasted for being a Goldline huckster. But for the fourth straight day in world markets, the price of gold has broken previous records, trading at $1,313.45 per ounce. A weaker dollar means a richer Beck!

Because Daniel Tosh and his crew keep up with web video trends better than we ever could, Tosh made an "I hate..." video to end all "I hate..." videos. Have no idea what we're talking about? Watch to find out.

What does everyone with a YouTube and a webcam seem to have? Lots and lots of haters. Here's five minutes of people on their internet soapboxes sending a message "to their haters."

The working man's author decided it was time to take out the iconic Mark Twain for being a bourgeois phony. But maybe old Tom is just upset that he was never able to write The Great American Novel himself?

It's a well-established fact that hero boat captain Richard Phillips is a hero, for getting kidnapped by Somali pirates. But his ungrateful crew members are still hating on him for publishing a heroic book, about his heroism. Why, haters?

You want a powerful opening statement, bitches? "In the annals of stupid ideas, this has got to be the worst. Ever." Ever! What is sex fiend columnist Andrea Peyser talking about? Something everyone else thought was a good idea:

By email, by telephone and by cable television comes a consistent message for Gawker: We should all be woken in the middle of the night, hauled off to jail, and locked away maybe forever for publishing some of Sarah Palin's emails, including her daughter Bristol's phone number and husband's previously-known email address. Some people would also like us shot, because God only knows the terrible things that can be done to someone with email addresses and phone numbers. Bizarrely, the only person who disagreed with our legal culpability was a Scientologist, because despite the many negative things we've written about that "church" the law is apparently clear: "Gawker's fine," Fox News's Greta Van Susteren said. Click the video icon to watch the TV coverage; some emails and a voice mail we "liberal Jews" received is after the jump.

Affable, always-reasonable blogger Michelle Malkin is upset that we published the emails of Sarah Palin, featuring the phone number of Bristol Palin and the already available email address of her husband Todd. We are a "cesspool blog," and also "lowlifes," and also part of a "smear machine," and also we have commited identity theft (!), and last but not least we are "by-any-means-necessary lunatics." Also: "Bastards. Bastards all." Anyways. Back in 2006 Michelle Malkin posted the phone numbers of some college kids planning to protest Ann Coulter. The kids—who were neither running for office nor inserted at the last minute to the great buffet table of family values on display at the nationally televised Republican National Convention—received death threats! Malkin refused to take those phone numbers down! When they complained, Malkin reposted their numbers! Ha! Also, of course, Malkin thinks we should've kept all the Japanese-Americans in WWII locked up in internment camps forever and ever, but hey. Outrage-off! Cesspool Blog! Bastards all!!! [Photo-illustration (c) back when people gave a shit about Michelle Malkin.]

Man, people are just hating on my fun little hospital comedy! "[J]udging by the season just completed, 'Scrubs' may have been best left out to pasture: Here is a show perpetually pleased with itself and running dry on innovations. J.D. (Zach Braff) and Elliot (Sarah Chalke) continued their non-consummation. Turk (Donald Faison) and Carla (Judy Reyes) continued their hungry sexuality. A baby failed to truly mellow Dr. Cox (John C. McGinley), and a girlfriend failed to sandpaper the rough edges off the Janitor (Neil Flynn).

As everyone knows, Gawker readers are classy, affluent individuals whose extreme productivity allows them plenty of time to stay up to speed on the important goings-on of the internet. And, like many refined, tasteful people, they're incredibly hard to shop for. As the Holidays approach, we thought we'd make like every other reputable news and entertainment outlet and provide you with a few gift suggestion that are tailored to the unique needs of the hip, savvy Gawker demographic. They're after the jump, conveniently broken down by reader stereotype.