Good news, hypochondriacs — here's something new to worry about. On Friday, the CDC issued draft recommendations urging all baby boomers (those born between 1945 and 1965) to get tested for hepatitis C. Of the 3.2 million Americans with hep C, 2 million are baby boomers. And they might not know it.

A new study in the New England Journal of Medicine found that over a 13-year period studied, there "was a significant inverse association between coffee consumption and mortality," meaning that people who drank coffee had a lower risk of death, particularly from "heart disease, respiratory problems, strokes, injuries and accidents, diabetes and infections."

The CDC has released its big huge annual report about this nation in which we live (America), and how our health is, here (in America). A special highlight this year is a detailed look at exactly how being poor and/ or uneducated will screw your health. (In addition to your sociopolitical status and fundamental sense of human dignity.) Don't like being disadvantaged? Don't worry, you'll die soon. A rundown:

Soda: the fizzy plague. The nectar of diabeetus. The bubbles of death. The artificial flavors and colors of tongue fun. Americans are drinking less soda these days, what with the undeniable public realization that that shit is poison, and the associated social shaming that goes with being a poison drinker. And thank god for that. But to be clear: you, Americans, you fools, still drink way too much poison swill of doom (soda).

Well well well. The sun is shining in the sky above and the frost has melted from the ground, meaning summer is nigh. Law requires you to journey to the beach, where people will gaze judgmentally upon your naked flesh. What shall you do, then?

A study published in the journal Neurology today suggests that almost one in three people in the U.S. will sleepwalk at some point in their lives.

Researchers continue to find new uses for medical marijuana, as more states begin to approve its use. A new study by the University of California Center for Medicinal Cannabis Research (yep) tested the effect of marijuana on people with multiple sclerosis.

This is flesh-eating bacteria, magnified a lot. And the type of bacteria attacking 24-year-old Aimee Copeland's body, Aeromonas hydrophila, is "remarkably common."

In order to better address the needs of our fitness-obsessed readers, we are introducing this semi-regular column, "I of the Tiger," to take on the vital hardcore fitness issues of our time. Today: eat to win, but keep it to yourself. Dig it.

Researchers have concluded that up to 90 percent of students leaving school in major South East Asian cities are suffering from myopia — the fancy term for when things look fuzzy at a distance. According to Professor Ian Morgan, who conducted the study, the average used to be between 20 and 30 percent.

Today the Connecticut Senate passed a bill legalizing medical marijuana, becoming the 17th state to do so. The District of Columbia also allows for the medical use of marijuana.

Back in the '80s and '90s hospitals saw a surge in babies born addicted to crack, but the last decade has been all about babies born addicted to painkillers.

In order to better address the needs of our fitness-obsessed readers, we are introducing this semi-regular column, "I of the Tiger," to take on the vital hardcore fitness issues of our time. Today: girl stuff. Dig it.

Doctors are way less into being doctors than they were a year ago, according to an annual survey conducted by Medscape. When asked if they would choose a career in medicine again, only 54 percent said yes — down from 69 percent last year.

Slut-obsessed sexual sex columnist and hate machine Andrea Peyser is unafraid to speak out when hot, young, sexual teens are doing something potentially sexual, with their bodies. Journalism, you see, is the reason that Andre recently spent the day prowling St. Marks Place, watching young kids who've been taught at Elementary Sex Palaces get piercings in dark, unspeakable places. "We have 16-year-old girls who want their nipples pierced!'' one piercing guy tells Andrea Peyser, I imagine after she hit him with a blackjack, stripped him naked, tied him to a bed, and demanded, "Tell me about teenage girls getting their nipples pierced, or else."

On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert broke down a few recent ways that people are trying to stay healthy, or barring that, stay thin and childless. Even if you aren't all that into fitness per se, there's bound to be something in this segment that can help improve your life.

A divorced mother of two from Long Island has filed a complaint with her state's Human Rights Commission claiming her former boss only hired her to gain access to her kidney.

In order to better address the needs of our fitness-obsessed readers, we are introducing this semi-regular column, "I of the Tiger," to take on the vital hardcore fitness issues of our time. Today: you are what you do. Dig it.

People with half a god damn brain in their heads not drugged to a stupor by that evil emotion "hope" have long understood that "anti-wrinkle creams" are bullshit. That, of course, has not stopped Americans from buying them by the truckload. We are a fundamentally dumb people. We must be protected from ourselves.

If you're like most Americans, you've felt insecure about the size of your chin. It's not sufficiently pronounced. It doesn't have Greco-Roman definition. Maybe it even looks like a butt. Lucky for you, plastic surgery has an answer — and a surprising number of people have taken advantage of it. Last year, the number of chin implant surgeries rose 71 percent to 20,680.