While on board a Southwest Airlines flight from Los Angeles to Albuquerque, Jack Jordan suffered a massive heart attack, which rallied passengers on the flight to give the man CPR. While others gathered to a help, a flight attendant allegedly said the heart defibrillator couldn't be used because the man's chest was too hairy.

Dick "Dick" Cheney, the defining political figure of 21st century America, is publishing a book next week called Heart: An American Medical Odyssey, about his own health problems. Cheney had the first of his five heart attacks in 1978. What if he had not survived?

In the most American thing to ever happen, comedian Rosie O'Donnell suffered a massive heart attack last week after struggling to help "an enormous woman" out of her car in a parking lot. She then saved herself using a tip she remembered from TV commercials.

Dog evolution! Stroke surgery! Baby okapi! Computer hearts! Fast fish! Space gardens! Parkinson's treatment! Anthrax vaccine! And America loses the Red planet to the Reds! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—nobly!

For years, so-called "health experts" on the teevee have been saying "blah, blah, blah." That's really all we hear. We block that stuff out. But when we go back and watch the TiVo, they were saying "Stop eating so much salt, salt will kill you and give you a heart attack, just cut it with the salt, what are you a deer at a salt lick?"

As you know, everything you eat is bad for you, unless you are eating leafy green vegetables. But, we learn this weekend from The New York Times Magazine's Gary Taubes, sugar is extra-bad for you. Like, cigarettes-level bad for you.

Popey roids! Sex at work! Sex placebo! High stress women! Foodie fashionistas! Fish oil doubts! Salty teens! And old people can get as high as they want! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—ecclesiastically!

Fat Qatar! Shortened lifespans! Jailbird junk food! Pot belly rights! Half of us are walking dead! It's your Health Watch, where we watch your health—if you buy us a hoagie!

When you go to work out should you be all focused and intense and hardcore, or should you just be flipping through some magazine on the elliptical, while sexting? Well, look at it this way: Do you want to die?

New Yorkers are bracing themselves for their very own Snowpocalypse tomorrow. And after ruining the kids' snow day tomorrow, Mayor Bloomberg gave some sage advice for all the snow shovelers: Don't have a heart attack. Duly noted, sir.

A couple of barbecue fans concoct a recipe for a bacon-wrapped, bacon-stuffed log of sausage. The media writes about it. Now, they have a book deal. And that's when the idea of 'books' became ridiculous.

Mike Wallace, the crazily well-preserved 89-year-old 60 Minutes correspondent had triple bypass surgery over the weekend and is recovering nicely, the NYPost says. Good to hear! Despite the relatively decent health possessed by the rest of 60 Minutes crew, their Achilles heel remains their collective ancientness. Being a television news reporter isn't exactly easy on the ticker-PBS talk show host Charlie Rose practically died last year, but he's got a new gig-as a '60 Minutes' correspondent. Just what they needed, another faultily-wired senior citizen!