For years, so-called "health experts" on the teevee have been saying "blah, blah, blah." That's really all we hear. We block that stuff out. But when we go back and watch the TiVo, they were saying "Stop eating so much salt, salt will kill you and give you a heart attack, just cut it with the salt, what are you a deer at a salt lick?"

Well now, who are the real experts? The people with the fancy degrees, or the legion of Americans who kept right on eating unlimited quantities of Cheez, knowing in their heart of hearts that everything would work out for the best? Now they say that not eating salt will kill you!

Scientists who studied several thousand subjects for eight years found that not only was low sodium intake not associated with improved health, the group that appeared to consume the least sodium had a 56 percent greater chance of death from heart attack or stroke than the group that was reaching for the salt shaker with every meal.

Sure, sure, the CDC is criticizing the study and calling it "not conclusive." But it all makes perfect sense. Just think of the people you know who are always like, "Oh, I'm on a low-sodium diet." Namby-pamby weaklings, right? Most of them probably have heart attacks every time their favorite rhythmic gymnast performs a particularly hasty move with a ribbon! Salt is a preservative, for chrissake. It keeps your organs just the way they are.

Now, sugar, on the other hand—that shit will kill you.

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