hell
Californians Would Slice Their Mamas' Throats for a Bite of Foie Gras as 'Foie-mageddon' Looms
Caity Weaver · 06/28/12 09:41PMColorado Is Engulfed in Flames
Caity Weaver · 06/27/12 12:49AMFresh Summer Hell for New York City: A Plague of Bees
Caity Weaver · 06/19/12 09:20PMIs the Portal to Hell Opening Up Under Wisconsin Right This Very Minute?
Caity Weaver · 03/21/12 08:55PMIt's Easier Than Ever to Get Married While Drunk at a Seaside New Jersey Hellscape
Hamilton Nolan · 01/13/12 09:33AMAtlantic City: the biggest shithole on the East Coast, where blocks of open-air crack markets immediately give way to cut-rate seedy casinos full of doomed and hopeless poverty-level day trippers in a geographic continuum of vice and despair unequaled anywhere in its chemical spill-laden state of New Jersey. Now it's easier to have your wedding there. Alert your spouse-to-be.
Wal-Mart Turns Black Friday to Black Thanksgiving
Hamilton Nolan · 11/10/11 09:30AMGlorious American capitalism has advanced so much in the past year that the traditional "Black Friday" day of shopping hell has now become "Black Midnight," in which major big box retailers open their doors on the first, dark minute of the day after Thanksgiving, so that your time in pre-Christmas retail torment may be prolonged as much as possible. Target's doing it. Best Buy's doing it. But... but what about Wal-Mart?
Holiday Shoppers Face 'Black Midnight' in Retail Hell
Hamilton Nolan · 11/07/11 10:16AMHere we are, two months into the Christmas shopping season. Have you finished? No, because you didn't start in September like you were supposed to. Well, not to worry; corporate America is doing everything in its power to make you feel guilty about your laziness and poverty of ideas as well as money for several more hours, this holiday season.
'Is Bin Laden in Hell?': A USA Today Debate
Hamilton Nolan · 05/23/11 09:23AMUSA Today is what used to be called a "newspaper" back in the days before the internet, but after the majority of adult Americans became functionally illiterate. In this confusing "new media" age, USA Today has pursued a strategy of becoming the news outlet of choice for angel-believers. Hey, it's a demographic!
Fox News Poll: Most Americans Don't Think Osama Got His Virgins
Jim Newell · 05/19/11 04:03PMZac Efron and Sarah Jessica Parker to Costar in World's Worst Movie
Richard Lawson · 12/16/10 04:46PMAirplane Accidentally Informs 275 Passengers They're About to Die
Maureen O'Connor · 08/27/10 12:48PMWatch These Guys Drive Through a Raging Inferno
Jeff Neumann · 08/02/10 07:28AMWilliamsburg vs. Disney Land: Battle of the Awful Places to Live
Hamilton Nolan · 06/23/10 11:50AMExorcist Says Satan is Behind Media 'Attacks' on the Pope
Ravi Somaiya · 04/02/10 10:02AMAwful Clubs and Soulless Condos, Together at Last
Hamilton Nolan · 03/29/10 09:29AMBotox to End Western Civilization
Hamilton Nolan · 01/25/10 09:36AMNew York Times Tells Employees Why They All Got Diarrhea
Hamilton Nolan · 01/21/10 01:05PMGood god. Remember that little outbreak of a mysterious intestinal illness at the New York Times that shut down the company cafeteria earlier this month? Well, they've run some tests, and...we don't know how to tell you this...it's... Norovirus. (*Checks Wikipedia.*) Dang that makes you throw up and poop!