President Barack Obama says he wants to save the economy, but all he does is give speeches and talk to fancy economists. Meanwhile, Michelle Obama is actually saving the economy, by shopping at Pottery Barn!

On 60 Minutes, Katie Couric kept asking Chesley Sullenberger whether his heroic flight was influenced by anything beside training: his gut, his terror, his God. No: "I was sure I could do it."

Is hero pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger a normal man, or a superhuman paragon of ethics sent to earth to shame us into being better people? His treatment of an overdue library book points to "superhuman":

Canadian math professor Jason Brown has defied experts who postulated that it would never be possible for a mathematician to blow years of his life studying minute trivia about the Beatles.

Godlike Hudson Hero pilot Chesley Sullenberger canceled a Today show interview Monday, but promised to come back and give Matt Lauer the exclusive when he could talk. But he lied!

Hero pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, America's most popular man, was all set to make his big national television debut on the Today show this morning. Then he pulled out. Stop restraining our Sully!:

"Hero of the Hudson" this, "Pilot Saved Them All" that. Did everyone around here forget the co-pilot usually has the harder job in a crash-landing?

Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, the pilot who successfully landed an airplane in water, and kept everyone onboard alive, is a Hero. So how long until he ruins it? Or until we ruin it for him?

Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger, III was the last person to leave US Airways Flight 1549 — a true captain, he swept the center aisle twice to ensure no one else was still on board.

NBC potentate Jeff Zucker and loyal henchperson Ben Silverman had the aura of proud parents watching their 30 Rock children collecting Globes—but they made the unusual decision to avoid the podium entirely at TCA.

Great news! Damon Weaver got press credentials for the inauguration! Yes!

A swashbuckling Somali pirate went back for one last big score. He thought he had it made—until disaster struck. The hand of providence at work? Or just proof that pirate stories are all cinematic?

Yesterday was the official beginning of midseason TV! Starting with Gossip Girl. Now all your other favorite shows are coming back, plus some new ones. Let's a take a look.

What's this? Someone partying at Marquee bought a $20,000 bottle of Armand de Brignac champagne? Guest of a Guest doesn't know who it was—the bottle-buyer wanted to stay anonymous, for obvious reasons—but let's investigate. The way in which the clubgoer is brandishing the bottle in this photo—with the fizz spewing out of the top—is clearly phallic. Freud would have much to analyze. As obnoxious and appalling as this is, we're still glad (if only for the club's staff) that these morons still exist. Let's salute the overspending assholes of the world—who, unlike the tightwad assholes of the world—are at least keeping people employed.

Finally, hero president George W. Bush is speaking out on the terrorist shoe assault that shook the world to its very core. He doesn't want the attacker's violent jailers to "overreact." Our beatific leader!:

Oh dear: it seems that Muntader al-Zaidi, the heroic Baghdad Shoe Thrower, is being treated just about as well as we expected in custody. But there is a bright side:

It's only been one day, and already Muntader al-Zaidi, the Iraqi reporter who terrorized George W. Bush with high speed shoe projectiles, is already a full scale national hero. Viva los zapatos (in Arabic)!

Muntader al-Zaidi will probably never again do something as awesome as hurling his shoes at the US President during a press conference. But was it worth it, considering what came next?

The Bush administration will be remembered for breaking the law to spy on Americans. One lawyer will be remembered for blowing the whistle.

[Update: Now with video!] Hero president George W. Bush placed his own life at risk today by visiting an Iraqi office, where he came under heavy shoe fire: