Andrew Breitbart, the one man fighting back against the terrible injustice that is the occasionally dumb opinions of Hollywood's rich liberals, does not care for protests interrupting his dinner!

In case there was any doubt he's a walking angel among us, Chesley Sullenberger has done penance for being overdue on a library book stuck in that plane he safely landed on the Hudson River.

Well, he's not the pilot of the plane that buzzed the financial district (and lowly Jersey City) this sunny, 9/11-y morning. But he is the guy who authorized the flight.

The hero American crew members of the Maersk Alabama taught those teenage Somali Pirates a few things about America, and its values: we value freedom of commerce. And we value being able to kill you:

Glenn Beck turned up this morning to bathe in the warm sycophancy of Fox & Friends, and to tell the heroic tale of how he saved a fainting man's life on television yesterday.

The crew of the Maersk Alabama, the ship with 20 Americans aboard hijacked by Somali pirates this morning, has reportedly already retaken the ship from the scurvy buccaneers. Whoa, movielike, action film, what's happening?

Remember that woman who used Facebook to track down the drunk who stole her laptop? It turns out she's part of a trend toward never losing anything ever again, thanks to the internet.

Carla Pillo Mote, an executive director at a Philadelphia advertising agency, used Facebook-stalking skills to track down the drunk guy who stole her laptop, tax files, and wallet. Too much information is a good thing!

"In the Papers," as you know unless you have the grave misfortune to live somewhere where you are unable to enjoy Pat Kiernan's calm visage and dulcet tones in the morning, is a segment where Pat leafs through the morning papers, pointing out the stories that are interesting to Pat Kiernan. Now Pat's going to "expand his personal brand" by taking the segment online, so readers across the nation can allow Pat Kiernan to "'cut through the clutter' and compile the most relevant articles for readers each day."

Hey, it's the subway hero—he's talking! Chad Lindsey, the smoldering actor who saved a man from the subway tracks in what may be his best career move ever, reveals: his soul is golden.

If you found it heartwarming to hear that Deputy Mayor Ed Skyler is now personally fighting crime, you'll be extra pleased to hear that Michael Bloomberg has expanded his role as mayor and has started saving lives. The Mayor rushed to the side of a Lehman College student who fainted during a news conference this morning, and led the effort to revive him by searching for a pulse, unbuttoning his shirt, and trying to get the boy to keep talking until paramedics arrived. No word on what kind of emergency preparedness courses they're taking over there at City Hall these days, but if Patti Harris manages to save a child from a burning building next week, we're really going to start getting suspicious. [NYT/City Room]

NYC has a new subway hero—this time, an attractive young male actor. Let the starmaking machine commence! Chad Lindsey selflessly rescued a fellow rider; now we must all rescue him from Off-Broadway anonymity.

Iraqi—and, indeed, global—hero Muntader al-Zaidi, whose act of hurling his shoes at failed president GW Bush proved him superior to all other political journalists, is going to jail. Despite having an excuse:

HarperCollins will pay $3.2 million for two books from pilot Chesley Sullenberger, according to a story in the Daily Beast. And go figure: the Zen-calm "Hero of the Hudson" is a poet.

• HarperCollins is launching a new imprint which will focus on "pop culture, sports, style and content derived from the Internet." Clever! [NYT]
• Sony Pictures is cutting 300 employees, or 4% of its workforce. [LAT]
• YouTube and Universal are in talks to build a "hub" for music videos. [WSJ]
• Jon Stewart went to town on CNBC last night, in case you missed it. [Portfolio]
• For some reason, NBC has decided to bring back Heroes next season. [THR]
• In the first two months of this year, 7,453 jobs were lost at media companies. You know, just in case you're keeping track or whatever. [THR]

The saintly hero-pilot of Flight 1549 has at last looked to cash in on his heroism! Thank goodness. Waiting for Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger to drop this shoe was killing us.

Heroic bong-fighting Sheriff Leon Lott, who made Richland County, South Carolina safe from Olympic champion Michael Phelps and his criminal associates, had a little fun down at the ol' Rotary Club yesterday!

Rahm Emanuel cannot leave his office without generating a colorful anecdote involving profanity. Today's installment: Rahm went to a movie!

Professional designer and amateur writer of excruciating ad copy Kenneth Cole knows times are tough as leather. Maybe it's not fashion-able, but he's optimistic America will design a solution to sew up all these problems!

America's queen turns 45 today! Sarah Palin, not Latifah. She's almost as old as Alaska's very statehood! We already gave her our present (bad advice). But she also has a present for America: