There's been a big falling out between gay gajillionaire David Geffen and lady-loving former president Bill Clinton (and his partner-by-marriage Hillary). Political analyst Mickey Kaus (who proves that you don't have to believe in any single plank of the Democratic platform to still call yourself a Democrat) believes the enmity stems from Bill Clinton's "lying about whether he was going to pardon [jailed Native American activist] Leonard Peltier". Makes sense to us—Hollywood executives are so rarely lied to that when it actually does happen, they're outraged. The Times, on the other hand, has a different theory which, as with seemingly everything else in our world, features Ron Burkle.

By now, everyone's aware of the shocking attacks DreamWorks mogul and Democratic primary fixer David Geffen made yesterday on Hillary Clinton, her intern-despoiling husband, the White House's substandard lodgings for billionaire rainmakers, and all that is good and holy about civilized political campaigning in an attempt to demonstrate that all of Hollywood has fallen prone at the feet of Barack Obama, ready to do the Chosen One's bidding. Now that most of the factually inaccurate, post-attack bickering has been dispensed with, Team Hillary is regrouping today, ready to launch a Hollywood counteroffensive that includes trips to fundraisers hosted by her own stable of local billionaires, and, ominously, a trip to the CAA Death Star. Says Var:

Not content to demonstrate his Democratic kingmaking power by throwing a beachside cocktail party/Hillary Clinton effigy burning for Hollywood Chosen One Barack Obama on the pristine sand behind his Malibu compound last night, DreamWorks activist David Geffen granted the NY Times's Maureen Dowd an exclusive fireside chat, during which the power-mad billionaire stroked an overfluffed white cat while cackling his way through his plans to destroy his presidential-hopeful nemesis. The column is behind a subscriber wall, but here are some of the thoughts Geffen shared with Dowd about Hillary, Bill, the political hot water in which Steven Spielberg finds himself submerged for going along with the Obama fund-raiser, and his luxurious sleeping quarters:

The Politico's Ben Smith takes a look at Hillary Clinton's campaign strategy, and, guess what? It's all about being a lady! Ben notes her careful use of a "traditionally feminine vocabulary." She wants to "chat with the electorate." She'll "listen." Her events are "conversations." Also, when she throws kitchen appliances at Bill? She's just being "playful."

• Meet the man who's obsessed with Hillary Clinton—the political editor of the New York Post. [The Politico]
  

It's a question threatening to tear Hollywood's most prominent, liberal-kingmaking billionaires apart at the gilded seams: Do they throw a fabulous fund-raiser aimed at continuing the spread Obamamania, the sensation sweeping the industry, or do they fall back into the calming, emasculating embrace of longtime Democratic stalwart Hillary Clinton, a tragically unsexy, but arguably safer, choice? The answer, of course, is, "Why can't we do both? We have so much fucking money that no one can tell us to make up our minds until we're good and ready," but Slate notes that a recent Robert Novak column seemed to imply that the officially unbetrothed Steven Spielberg's hosting of a Clinton event means that he's already decided to abandon DreamWorks partners David Geffen and Jeffrey Katzenberg's desire to call forth from the heavens a deluge of showbiz cash that will carry their beloved Obama to an easy nomination:

• CNBC is backing Maria Bartiromo because, really, what else do you know about CNBC apart from Maria Bartiromo? [NYT]
  

This has been around for a few days, but we hadn't seen it. Pretty awesome, no? Our favorite part is how "Barry" was apparently styled for his yearbook shoot by, like, Jermaine Jackson. No, wait, that's not our favorite part. Our favorite part is the "still life" featuring what we're assuming is a beer bottle and a book of matches. You know, like for lighting your drug cigarettes! So badass. We thought we'd go ahead and do the same kind of point-counterpoint with the Democratic presidential frontrunners that we did that other time; after the jump, the secretary of the chess club bares her chompers.

If you noticed a dreamy smile on the faces of your fellow subway riders this morning, odds are they were reading Metro, from whence this absolutely charming caption contest springs. We can't think of anything that might humorously describe the image of the young fellow in the picture, but some of you might have one or two ideas. Also, we think we saw something about the chick on the left running for president, but we may have just been confused. Not a lot of coverage on that one.

Get it? Because Barack Obama is a black man. Black. Also, Hillary is "waiting to exhale" after Obama's big declaration. Maybe she just needs to get back to her "roots" before Democratic voters give her the "shaft." We bet she wishes Obama was an "invisible man," because he seems much more "beloved" by the press.

• The year in catfights. Yeah, we'd probably fight if we had to be on The View, too. [Radar]
  

Yesterday Ben Smith of the Daily News broke the story that former Yonkers mayor John Spencer called Hillary a hatchet-faced harpy who'd gone under the knife. Today he eviscerates Spencer's subsequent denial of the statements. Smith provides context for the story:

Among the large group of nameless Republican candidates whistling toward November's slaughter, we'd haveto say our favorite is John Spencer, the former mayor of Yonkers who's in a tight race to get more than 20 per cent against Hillary Rodham Clinton. Apart from the adultery and nepotism, the guy's just a quote machine. There was the whole "Chinaman's chance" thing, the suggestion that Senator Clinton "aids and abets" our enemies, and now, perhaps best of all, recent comments he made to the News' Ben Smith before this weekend's debate concerning Clinton's appearance: "You ever see a picture of her back then? Whew. I don't know why Bill married her." He went on to suggest that she's had "millions of dollars" of plastic surgery to improve her appearance.

As her detractors are more than happy to remind you, Senator Hillary Clinton is a woman of many faces. Perhaps too many for Middle Americans who prefer straight shooters.

Please tell us we aren't the only ones to have thought, "Oh, man, that is one scary looking nun."

Enjoying a comfortable lead over her GOP punching-bag opponent in her Senate re-election bid, New York's own Hillary Clinton was cast by evangelist Jerry Falwell as a favorite candidate for the 2008 presidential election:

Clinton vs. Bush [NYDN]

On the presumably correct assumption that none of their readers have ever seen "the Internet," Time brings the interactivity of the web to the formerly staid arena of print media. As this press release explains:

• God bless the boys at the Smoking Gun: they've got the "remarkably sleazy," 22-page affadavit filed against Jeffrey Epstein, Manhattan financier and Palm Beach underage massage aficionado. Don't miss page 12 and the Tale of the Egg-Shaped Penis. [TSG]
• Please, sweet baby Jesus, make it stop: more than 1,000 Con Ed customers in Staten Island just lost power. [Daily Politics]
• Peter Braunstein emerges for his hearing in furs and heels! Or we wish he did. The former WWD reporter and accused fireman rapist appeared to have his trial date set for November 20; alas, he was dressed like shit. [ETP]
• Whither Tina Brown? Only Will Shortz knows. [The State That I Am In]
• A-Rod just wants to cuddle. [NYT]
• A new level of anal. [Salon]
• Hillary Clinton's bust will be unveiled in the Museum of Sex. How can this not involve Bill? [FishbowlNY]

Today's Post asks the question on everyone's mind: Should Hillary Rodham Clinton return campaign donations from a known adulterer Peter Cook, who cheated on Christie Brinkley with hot piece of twat Diana - eh, you know it all by now. Clinton couldn't tell The Post whether or not she'd give back Cook's $13,000 in donations. Neither did she tell the paper if she'd give back the cash raised at the recent fundraiser hosted by known adulterer Rupert Murdoch, whose affair with Wendi Deng ended his thirty-six year marriage to second wife Anna, although presumably they didn't ask her that one. In any event, we're more interested in the picture here: