It's finally here. The Chinese nightclub named after our very own president had its soft opening and reviews are starting to come out. There were half-naked people in scary costumes, go-go dancers, and tons of creeps dancing to bad music.
If there's any remaining doubt about Lindsay Lohan and girlfriend Samantha Ronson being totally out of the closet, how's this for confirmation: A make-out session at New York's most notorious gay bar. Granted, "The Cock" tend to attract largely gays of the male persuasion, and DJ Ronson appears to have been there at least partly to satisfy her interest in the turntables and music (see picture, via Twerking). Also, it's in the East Village, which the couple have been haunting lately. But it still arches the eyebrows to see Lohan at such an unabashedly sleazy location, where blowjobs along the side wall and miscellaneous other "depravity" help retain the "seedy and vile" feel of the old location, which closed in 2005. After the jump, an excerpt of DJ Josh Sparber's report on Lohan's Cock visit.
There's a new hotspot in The Bronx that you simply won't want to miss unless you hate sex and lunch meat. It's COUSIN VINNY'S LITTLE SECRET! Tell us: where else can you pay just $50 for six hours of hardcore lap dance action, unlimited fountain soda, and a footlong sandwich of your choice, all in "a discrete and totally safe atmosphere to indulge in your carnal fantasies": namely, a former Subway sandwich franchise. In the Bronx! We've been sent a transcribed version of the flier that "Cousin Vinny" Agnello—owner of a stripper service and the self-described "King of Bling featured as a "Celebrity" on the DIGGS WEBSITE" (two Diggs!)— is reportedly passing around the area. Our tipster says the local merchant's association is...concerned about Cousin Vinny's new venture. But we predict this will be a hot alternative to seeing Sex And The City. "MEMBERSHIP HAS IT'S PRIVILEDGES!" Vinny's full, quirkily awesome invitation, after the jump:
When it comes to making useful friends in Silicon Valley, it's not what you know, it's where you eat that counts. Pricey pancake house Buck's of Woodside is a good start (at least for spotting venture capitalists), but it's not the only Valley spot for eager networkers. Valleywag will help you navigate the cafes, bars, and restaurants to see and be seen.
Ritual Roasters (or "Ritro" to the stupid but trendy), a San Francisco Mission District ad hoc office that happens to serve overrated coffee to its residents, has finally crossed the line in acknowledging, and wryly nodding at, its oh-so-bloggy clientele.
We haven't applauded a stupid press release in awhile, so when the publicity mavericks behind West Village italian restaurant Figa decided to announce that P. Diddy had his birthday dinner there (and at a billion other venues, but whatever), we realized we simply had to share the magic with you. Figa has proclaimed itself the hotness for "Hip Hop cognescenti [sic]," because that's exactly what you want your establishment to be known for, right? Bentleys and Maybachs are parking at Figa! Alert the presses! Gah. After the jump, you'll wish your inbox was half as retarded as ours.
Even if he can't seem to properly execute a business plan, wannabe hotelier and Sikh playboy Vikram Chatwal certainly knows how to spread his PR seed. Chatwal originally angered celebrity photographer Dave LaChappelle by announcing that LaChappelle had co-designed his Dream NY hotel; unremarkably, a bitch fight ensured. Now the two have magically made nice and the Times is planning to print a retraction regarding LaChappelle's involvement with the hotel.
Meet Ondine Cohen, a Manhattan fifth grader who exemplifies the hot, new only child "movement" (funny, we thought only children were the product of that "quit while you're ahead" mentality):
In this week's edition of our groundbreaking nightlife series, we decided to cruelly send special correspondent David Klein to the new VIP club Frederick's, which boasts such illustrious members as Lizzie Grubman, Holly Dunlap, and Harvey Weinstein. Lo and behold, David made it past the pearly gates and discovered a boatload of shit inside. After the precious jump, the covert analysis of the members-only orgy.
We like our Billy Crudups with a side of Jay-Z. That's why we bring you an urgent and frighteningly detailed report from West Village pub The Spotted Pig, where a multitude of sightings in a single visit causes the space-time continuum to collapse:
Patrons of Midtown pet salon Doggie Do and Pussycats, Too may be dismayed to hear the following news about their homosexual dog washers:
If you need some legal defense (and if you're the readers we think you are, you just might), allow us to make a recommendation: check out Alan Lewis, the defense attorney for Isais Umali. Umali is being tried for the murder of Dana Blake, a bouncer from the East Village nightclub Guernica; Umali stabbed Blake after his friends were removed from the club for smoking.
Are Scientologists trying to indoctrinate susceptible New Yorkers through the always-captivating advertising in our subways? And dare they use our beloved subway centennial as an entry point? A disturbed reader writes:
Sphinxlike restaurant newsletter She Loves NY has a new, inexplicably brilliant edition out and the RESY index ("the time at which one can secure a same day reservation for a party of two") is particularly surprising:
It appears we set our standards too high when we sent Gawker special correspondent David Klein to infiltrate A-lister habitat Kos. Actually, that s a complete lie. We have no standards. This week in our continuing nightlife series, we decided to send David a notch down the social alphabet and throw him towards to shiny new nightspot NA, which boasts such career-climaxed owners as Chris Big Noth and Joey Small McIntyre. Glamour ensues!
Manhattan nightlife is such a big, Louboutin-clad mess of the hot and haute, one can barely keep track of which club is worth your precious efforts. But that is, of course, why we're here: to tell you what venues merit your sad attempts at entry. Gawker Special correspondent David Klein braves the humiliation of of the doormen at Lenny Kravitz and Denzel Washington's Kos and returns with the first of the a series of regular nightlife reports.
Time Out NY's sticky sex issue is out and informs us of a party you've likely missed: Peepshow, the monthly S&M fest that goes down (heh) again this Saturday.
