On Tuesday at the Democratic National Convention, Howard Dean brought us to the brink before cruelly denying us the greatest pleasure of all: His beautiful scream.

A tony New England prep school that has educated the likes of Howard Dean, George H.W. Bush’s father Prescott Bush, and Tucker Carlson is now embroiled in a sex abuse scandal that has been covered up, victims say, since the 1970s. At least 40 former students of St. George’s School in Rhode Island have come forward to say they were abused at the school. The latest known case of abuse allegedly occurred in 2004.

Twelve years ago to the day, on January 19, 2004, former governor of Vermont Howard Dean stuck a microphone in his mouth and let loose a war cry the likes of which no single human being should have ever been able to create. And yet—Howard Dean screamed. Oh, how Howard Dean screamed.

Vermont Governor Howard Dean, who heroically condemned the Iraq war when everyone loved it, has now condemned the "Ground Zero mosque" as a "real affront to people who lost their lives." To be fair, he just likes condemning things.

So, today Howard Dean called Fox News 'absolutely racist' for its role in promoting that misleading video of USDA employee Shirley Sherrod. Which means that almost everyone involved in this scandal is a racist, according to someone.

Two men turning 65 today whose glory days have long since passed: Morgan Stanley CEO John Mack, who has announced he'll step down as the firm's chief at the end of the year; and Saturday Night Live co-creator Lorne Michaels, who hasn't produced a season of SNL worth watching in years, but has yet to retire, unfortunately. Others celebrating another year today: Martin Scorsese is turning 67. Lauren Hutton turns 66. Howard Dean is 61. Danny DeVito is turning 65. RuPaul turns 49. Daisy Fuentes is 43. Diane Neal of Law & Order: SVU turns 34. Dutch architect Rem Koolhaas is 65. House Minority Leader John Boehner is turning 60. And Isaac Hanson (of the Hanson brothers, yes) turns 29.

In your woozy Tuesday media column: MSNBC pulls in the crazies for airtime, Gallant former journo beats Goofus current journo, NYT family members catch the swine flu, and the LA Times is all fucked up.

• Jim Dolan's Cablevision says that Newsday is not for sale, which is good since there isn't a company on the planet that wants to buy it. [E&P]
• David Geffen made an offer to acquire the stake in the New York Times Co. controlled by Phil Falcone's Harbinger fund; Harbinger passed. [Fortune]
• The mood isn't too upbeat at the Cannes Film Festival, unsurprisingly. [THR]
• 60 Minutes' segment on Anna Wintour should air this Sunday. [Gawker]
• As of the publishing biz didn't have enough to worry about, "web pirates" are now posting copies of books on the Internet. [NYT]
• Anderson Cooper's ratings have been on the decline all year. [LAT]
• OK! appears to be dissolving into chaos. [ASSME, Gawker]

Obama's not sworn in for another 11 days, but Rahm Emanuel is already said to be gutting one of his many hated enemies, Howard Dean. Presumably with a steak knife.

John Mack probably won't be celebrating much this year given the financial crisis, but the Morgan Stanley CEO turns 64 today. Also turning 64 on this Monday: SNL creator Lorne Michaels and Danny DeVito. Martin Scorsese is celebrating his 66th. Lauren Hutton is 65. Howard Dean turns 60. Former MTV House of Style host Daisy Fuentes is turning 42. Drag performer RuPaul, is turning 48. Isaac Hanson, of the Hanson brothers, turns 28. In the weddings department, hotelier Ian Schrager tied the knot with another former ballerina on Saturday night named Tania Wahlstedt. And Rob Speyer, the president of Tishman Speyer and son of real estate billionaire Jerry Speyer, married Anne-Cecilie Engell over the weekend.

"Maybe you remember little Bobby Gibbs," a story in the Villager of Auburn, Alabama begins. "He and his brother John were born here, he went all the way through Auburn city schools, and he graduated from Auburn High in 1989." Now little Bobby Gibbs is President-elect Barack Obama's new press secretary! And to think, just a couple years ago he was persona non grata at the DNC and the netroots wing of the Democratic Party.Gibbs began his flack career on Capitol Hill, working in the press offices of 10 Congressmen and eventually graduating to the nice gig of press secretary to John Kerry as he began his presidential campaign. That didn't last long, and soon Gibbs found a role at with Americans for Job, Health Care, and Progressive Values, a 527 group. That happy, friendly, shiny-sounding group was, of course, nothing but a shop for vicious smears against upstate Democratic candidate Howard Dean, who, in 2004, was annoying the Democratic Establishment by babbling about The War and other liberal nonsense.

Gibbs, the group's spokesman defended even the grossest of their anti-Dean attacks, including an ad that just featured a photo of Osama bin Laden and a narrator saying Dean was unqualified. Ha! Democrats!

Gibbs continued his odd habit of borrowing vile right-wing attack lines when it suited him years later as Barack Obama's media guru. Responding to the Clinton campaign's meltdown over David Geffen's donation to Obama (coupled with an attack on Bill Clinton's womanizing), Gibbs dusted off the old "sold the Lincoln Bedroom" line, becoming the only person besides Rush Limbaugh in a decade to remember or care about that story.
Now, of course, everyone has fallen in line, because Gibbs was really, really good on TV. But we get the feeling he's even better suited for the miserable position of White House Press Secretary than liberals might hope. It truly will be a fun four years, guys!

And you thought Rachael Ray's greatest crime was inundating the airwaves with cheesy catchphrases and popularizing mediocre recipes. According to some conservative wackos, she might be a terrorist sympathizer, too: After the daytime star was spotted wearing a keffiyeh-style scarf in a recent Dunkin' Donuts ad, right-wing squawkers like Michelle Malkin immediately proposed a boycott of the chain, claiming the garb was "a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos." The coffee giant blamed the fashion faux pas on a stylist today and announced it was halting the campaign effective immediately. But Ray is hardly the first famous person to be seen wearing the trademark Arab garb. Keffiyehs have been worn by downtown hipsters and celebs for years now. And Malkin conveniently failed to point out that the trend seems to have caught on with some of George W. Bush's closest family members, too.

In the real world, politics are complicated. On the Web, things seem reassuringly simple, though. Take the Democratic campaign: Polls show Barack Obama ahead, but he doesn't have the necessary delegates to force Hillary Clinton to drop out. Web-traffic analyst Matt Pace of Compete.com believes he has the internet traffic stats to prove that Obama is a shoo-in.

An old person writes: