What happens when America's calmest woman falls in love with America's most hilariously entitled dude? They get married! She gets pregnant! He cheats on her and leaves her! And then, letters like this, to Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax:

What has 26 year-old Lee Grace Dougherty been up to lately? Oh just going on an interstate crime spree with her two brothers (including the one who tried to sexxx up an 11 year-old girl from MySpace) involving shooting up a cop car with an AK-47 and robbing a bank with machine guns and becoming the target of an intense FBI search and also become the most wanted fugitives in the South, because Lee is from Florida, naturally, and also a stripper, not that that matters in this particular case. But she has the most important thing: an extremely calm man.

Fellas: you know how it is, right? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. You come home from a long day at work, stretch out on the couch with a cold one—and all of a sudden, it's "Honey, can you help me clean up?"

Here are Woody Allen's six favorite Woody Allen movies: Purple Rose of Cairo, Match Point, Bullets Over Broadway, Zelig, Husbands and Wives, and Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Maybe Woody thought the interviewer asked for "six of his movies"? [New York]

South Africa may have its problems, but President Jacob Zuma's wedding ceremony ain't one. Zuma married his third(!) current wife yesterday. He has 19(!) kids. He is president(!), as we mentioned. Bonus dancing Zuma pic below!

Are US Army wives "doing all they can" to help win the War on Terror, if you know what we mean? (We mean are they being strippers, at home, enough??).

Declarative former NY1 newsman Dominic Carter already lost his job for unseemly name-dropping in court while on trial for beating his wife, then got barred from boarding a flight just because he exists. Can his week get worse? Yes, much.

A new study by love scientists says that married couples that do more housework together have more sex. But! Not so fast, horny chore boy.

"Couples therapy" psychologist violently slashes husband. You don't wish for that, but you still chuckle.

Sheryl Weinstein had an affair with Bernie Madoff. Then Bernie stole all of Sheryl Weinstein's money and she wrote a book about fucking him although he has a small penis. Sheryl's husband is not happy about this, but he understands.

Fuck you, Wall Street. Fuck you for being so rich that you have money to spend. But fuck you more for not spending it, so we don't hate you. Thank you, Wall Street Wives—you're still rich, entitled, free-spending terrors!

A hedge fund is the worst possible place to get embroiled in a workplace sexual harassment suit. Hedge funders are ruthless and insane. A harassment suit at one hedge fund is now also an extortion case. With nude pixxx!

Rebekah Wade, editor of the UK tabloid The Sun, has been promoted to overseer of all five of Rupert Murdoch's newspapers in England. Let's hear about her fabulous life of bliss with her horse trainer/ vibrator entrepreneur husband!

Ayelet Waldman is smugly married to Michael Chabon and wrote about how fucking her husband is more fun than dealing with her kids, which, let's hope so, right? She's written a book about her pain!

Tracey Grinhaff, a 42-year-old mother of two in Sheffield, England, was murdered by her angry husband after she posted a message on her Facebook page saying that she was leaving him. Cops found her body in a shed in the back yard of the couple's house, and her 41-year-old husband Gary's body was found in the woods nearby. She died of head wounds, and so did he, although his were self-inflicted. Apparently the message made him extremely angry: