What happens when America's calmest woman falls in love with America's most hilariously entitled dude? They get married! She gets pregnant! He cheats on her and leaves her! And then, letters like this, to Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax:

I'm seven months pregnant. Six weeks ago, my husband confirmed my suspicions that he has been having an affair. She is now his girlfriend and he has moved in with her...

My husband wants to see the birth, and his entire family was planning on being at the hospital as well. I don't want any of them there. Many of them knew about the girlfriend but kept it from me, and I don't want my husband to have the satisfaction of comforting me when I'm in pain. Do I have the right to tell them this, in some collected, nonconfrontational way?

Allow us to rephrase this in plainer language: "My husband knocked me up then cheated on me and left me, while I'm pregnant. Am I required to allow him to come into the room and stand next to me as I push a baby out of my vagina, as his entire family waits outside? Or can I demur, politely?"

Uhhh. You have a right to CUSS THAT MOTHERFUCKER OUT SOMETHING AWFUL and send your biggest cousins out to make sure his family does not set foot in a 100-yard radius of your delivery room. "When you explain this to your husband, tone is everything," says Carolyn Hax. That tone should be "fuck off."

[WaPo; photo via Shutterstock]