An Alabama man, accused of third-degree assault, attempted to wiggle out of his legal trouble by wiggling out of his pants. He reportedly showed the alleged assault victim his dumb penis and asked her to drop the charges. To everyone’s absolute and total shock, he was unable to make his problems disappear merely by waving his dick like a magic wand.

After roughly a decade of living in nightmarish captivity and being forced to view a man's exposed dick on a weekly basis, residents of one Charlotte, N.C. neighborhood are organizing to rise up against their nude oppressor.

In Mooney's Bay Park, to be precise. Wait, why are you laughing?

A Tulsa-area woman who caught a man masturbating half-naked inside the ladies room of her local Walmart decided to take matters into her own hands by following him around the store informing other shoppers of his indecency.

15-year-old Christian Adamek, a popular student at Sparkman High School in Harvest, Alabama, hanged himself Oct. 2 and died from his injuries two days later. His death came just a week after he was arrested for streaking across the Sparkman High football field during a Sept. 27 football game.

Last week, Pennsylvania's "premier haunted scream park" Shocktoberfest unveiled its newest — and nudest — attraction for the 2013 Halloween Season: "The Naked and Scared Challenge."

The so-called "pick-up pranks" that have permeated YouTube in recent months have been steadily pushing the envelope toward actual sex crime territory — but the latest such "gag" crosses that line with its balls hanging out.

A substitute homeroom teacher in Seoul was recently terminated for allegedly masturbating in front of high school students after allegedly hitting one of them for listening to music in class.

A news team from Central Arkansas NBC affiliate KARK were in Benton on Sunday shooting a story about a house damaged by a fallen tree when out of the woods walked an intoxicated man wearing naught but the clothes he was born with.

Ignoring a slew of serious legal and retaliatory ramifications, Fox News today released what it claims is the name of the former SEAL Team Six member who is set to release a book about his personal involvement in the successful mission to capture or kill Osama bin Laden.

Tooth-deficient Chicago cinefile Edward Brown got a little overenthused during a recent screening of odds-on Oscars favorite Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. According to police, Brown, 34, disrobed and "paraded in front of the audience at the North Riverside Park Mall's Classic Cinema."

The wonderfully titled MrPotatoHeadNews was biking home last night across the Manhattan Bridge when he stumbled upon this man jumping rope nude on the bridge. Why would someone do something so, ahem, nuts?

You thought after your 18th birthday you'd grown out of having sex in the back of the car. Not so for 71-year-old senior citizen Rita Daniels who was arrested for getting it on in the back of her Buick with a guy she picked up at a bar.

Gérard Depardieu was on an airplane with 100 other people and had to pee, but the flight attendant said he couldn't go until after takeoff. So the legendary French actor took matters into his own hands: He whipped out his dick and peed in the aisle. No, seriously:

Thanks to an ad for the New Museum's Urs Fischer exhibit, the NY Times Arts section homepage currently features an animated ad of a tongue coming out of a hole in the wall. New York is edgy again!

Anyone who saw his appearance on Ellen today knows that Thomas Haden Church is a real laugh riot. Just ask Thomas Haden Church. His favorite joke? Showing his dick to people. After flashing his junk on the set of Sideways — not exactly the indie version of Porky's — the numbnuts mechanic from Wings decided the best way to keep his second chance at success going was to flash another cast and crew. On the set of his new film Smart People (which, judging from the preview, looks too dumb for smart people and too boring for dumb people) Church once again showed off his junk. "Dennis and the cameraman enjoyed that... Dennis whirled in disgust and left the set." Perhaps it is the belief that a successful joke clears the room which makes Church leave his "sticky fruits flopping around" all the time. Or maybe a better explanation can be found in the actor's own initials, THC. We're just saying... [Contact Music]