Turn on the TV late at night this week and you might come across an extended advertisement for Smart Pipe, an exciting product that takes the internet of things to its subterranean, sewage-drenched logical conclusion. Don't worry, though: no one actually wants you to share your shit on Twitter.

Today's entry in the mesmerizing Asian infomercial arms race: Calorie Shaper, a special Japanese underwear built with a "honeycomb spring" that supposedly helps the wearer burn calories while performing everyday tasks, like walking to the bus stop and performing choreographed dance routines in the office.

Don Lapre — the boyish infomercial shyster who lulled millions of insomniacs into pants-wetting states of catatonia via the relentless repetition of the phrase "tiny classified ads!" — has committed suicide inside an Arizona prison cell. Lapre, 47, was facing 41 counts of conspiracy, mail fraud, wire fraud and promotional money laundering in connection with his latest snake oil scam, "The Greatest Vitamin in the World," which parted 220,000 suckers with $52 million.

Have you seen this man, in the video above? If you watched television in the middle of the night during the 90s then you probably have! He's Don Lapre, professional TV con artist and the American Dream draped in a pastel polo shirt, and he was arrested last night in Arizona after a 24-hour run as a fugitive. On Wednesday, he didn't show up for his arraignment on charges of "conspiracy, mail fraud, wire fraud and promotional money laundering" connected to his marquee product, The Greatest Vitamin in the World. Shockingly, his product wasn't actually The Greatest Vitamin in the World, but rather it was a scam that netted him $52 million from over 220,000 gullible people.

Ever since Larry King departed CNN, the talk show legend has had a hard time finding things to fill his time—which is probably why he (and wife Shawn) agreed to shill for BreathGemz in this classically cheesy infomercial. [AdAge]

In this bizarre informercial for a three-day religious healing conference, Australian preacher Matt Ford can't stop making strange noises. Apparently, he'll also be teaching a "sex school". Sounds stimulating.

Wait until the anti-sword lobby gets a hold of this infomercial.

You don't need to convert to Judaism and wear a yarmulke to cover up your bald spot. You can just spray on some fake hair with HairCubed. If only all infomercials were this entertaining.

Do you want to use a litter box, but are afraid you won't be able to smell your cat's urine? Do you also want to be able to eat the aforementioned litter? Then World's Best Cat Litter is for you!

Since there aren't any more Snuggie jokes to be made, Americans have moved on to ironically loving a new ridiculous product: the TV Hat. Can we all agree to stop wasting our money on this crap?

John McCain's Senate primary opponent, ex-Rep. J.D. Hayworth, starred in a 2007 informercial for getting your hands on the "billions and billions" in federal government grants. Free money, that was yours already! Oh god, this is embarrassing.

Do you love to have your boobs almost hanging out, but not at work? Why not buy this product, "Cami Secret?" It's basically a napkin you put under your sweater to cover your boobs. What next, flying cars? [Adrants]

Infomercials' common goal is to shill products any way they can, usually with screams and wacky fonts, but almost always featuring footage of failures. The best of those misuses are compiled here as a testament to man's overarching stupidity.

Gilbert Gottfried hasn't exactly been getting tons of work lately. He was fine in Hysterical Psycho, but other than that, it's been slim pickins. So if a voiceover gig for a shoehorn-on-a-stick comes along, Gottfried is very available.

How has America made such big strides in science, technology, and medicine, but Americans still face the burden of eating with their hands? We put a man on the moon, but we still have to use a fork!? No more!

In the never-ending fight for the most tasteless, useless infomercial product in the world, The Necky beats out the Poo-Trap and the Potty Putter—barely.

Today on Tyra it was all about newfangled health and beauty tips. No quick fix scheme has ever worked before, but these new quick fix products are sure to get results...quick!

Have you been wondering what "Lanny F." has been up to since he starred in the infomercial for the butt-odor-removing product Aspray? Fortunately for you, he has emailed us.

Love ignoring your wife? Hate when she says "are you even listening to me?!" Then your answer is the Spatsolver, a device that records the last five minutes of every conversation and delays your marriage from impending doom.