Hasn't anyone done this before? Google seems to say not. Anyway, here is the easy typographical solution to 85 percent of what needs to be said on the Internet:

The Prop. 8 reversal inspired Lady Gaga to write a new damn song. Finally!

Every so often, something comes along to put everything in perspective. Today it's Roger Ebert talking about his life after losing his jaw. His honesty and courage is frankly amazing and we are touched. God, we hate feeling these emotions!

An employee at a Texas school for the developmentally disabled has been sentenced to four years in prison for making the school's poor students battle each other Fight Club style. Well, to be fair: he's a trendy guy!

We've heard so much about the exploits of fuck-a-chick blogger and filmmaker Tucker Max. What of those only tangentially related to him? Well, a 21-year-old UConn student who called Tucker "MY HERO" was arrested last weekend for "allegedly forcing his way into a sleeping woman's apartment and raping her." Also, Tucker Max's former lawyer is currently getting chewed out on Wikipedia for repeatedly trying to insert his own bio into Tucker's Wikipedia page. This has been your Tucker Max Associate Update.

Elisabeth Murdoch—the daughter of News Corp. chief Rupert Murdoch, owner of all currently operating media outlets—has a personal story that Horatio Alger would appreciate. Sure, today she's the CEO of her own production company. But she started with nothing. Absolutely nothing. Elisabeth Murdoch was once a lowly, unappreciated "broke acquisitions executive" on the bottom rung of the ladder, according to Elisabeth Murdoch. In a recent speech to a crowd of other wealthy entertainment executives [Hollywood Reporter], she delivered a tale of woe and triumph that will serve as an inspiration to people who, like Murdoch, had to work their way up with pure grit: