From the moment we heard those first three words — Fox, News, and Channel — you felt like there should be just one more word after that: University. Yes, Roger Ailes' venerable cable institution has begun training young Shepard Smiths and molding cheaper, less Jewish versions of Bill Kristol to endure the tough times ahead. There's no better time to "educate" the next generation of young people who can't read or write than at FNCU. Apply today!Intern duty usually includes penning hit pieces against Hamas and the bonuses are huge:

It's not clear whether Kenneth from 30 Rock had anything to do with it, but NBC's page program now gets 7,000 applicants each year for roughly 70 slots, an admission rate of about 1 percent versus 7 percent for the undergraduate college at Harvard University . The $10-per-hour work consists of fetching coffee, guarding studio doors and giving tours for "at least six days" per week, the Times said this morning. You may have to live in Harlem and work at a bar to make ends meet. Then there are the long hours and flashcards:

Sure, internships are supposed to be tough, but the rabid neoconservatives who run the New York Sun seem to be going out of their way to be severe to the unfortunate young souls who somehow find themselves paying their dues there. The dress code, for example, stipulates not only a suit and tie but a specific color of shirt, shine to the shoe and knotting of neckwear. Is this really the paper that celebrated Middle Eastern women who defiantly wear tight jeans, bikinis and punk-rock-inspired clothes under their burkas in the name of not being "dressed like everybody else?" And is the de facto ban on subway rides of more than 30 minutes coming from the same editors who slammed the mayor for taxing suburban commuters? Apparently so! Whether there's hypocrisy at work in them or not, the Sun's "Guidelines For Interns" are pretty hilarious, assuming you don't have to slave under them. Someone who did just sent us a copy, and we've highlighted some of the fun bits:

Ah, the Congressional internship. Stepping-stone to a lifetime of tireless public service, or just entitled whining and constant intoxication paired with exponentially growing cynicism about the entire process. Fun! We just obtained an email from an outgoing summer intern at a Senate office that, in the words of our tipster, is "comparable only with Washington's Farewell Address." It is a "gentle reminder" that today will be this young go-getters last day at the office. It goes on to explain "the nature of democracy" and features the phrase "the noblest self-disclosure." The young intern sent the email to everyone in the damn office, of course. "Dear colleagues and respected staff members," it begins, ominously...

This "amazing" and fabulous opportunity of a lifetime—an auctioned-off internship at Harper's Bazaar—raises money for Bette Midler's New York Restoration Project. So blame The Divine Miss M for reinforcing the Haves' capability to purchase their credentials, at the same time as she raises money to restore neglected parks in economically-depressed 'hoods. Ah, the jaw-dropping irony. Or perhaps not so much—look who's a sponsor at the $50K-$99K level! Why, it's none other than the Hearst Corporation, parent publisher of Harpers Bazaar!

There's a contributing editor at "two major monthly magazines" who's looking for an (unpaid! But you get meals!) "food/travel writing" intern to help "research new projects, archive past ones and assist the weekly flow of writing assignments" and even "help set up and schedule tastings." Exciting! And if you've got the "chops," you might even be allowed to help test recipes! Imagine the possibilities. Strangely, the ad asks for emails to be addressed to "Lawrence Mitchell," who didn't seem to have any "food and travel"-related bylines when we searched Nexis, or Google. So who could the "contributing editor" who's too cheap to pay an assistant be? Your guesses welcome!

Food/Travel Writing Internship [Craigslist]

• The Onion's take on the Greatest Literary Breakup Of Our Time. [The Onion]
  

The following went out recently on a Brown university listserve:

We get a lot of schmucky help-wanted ads over the transom. No one wants to actually pay anyone for their work these days, it seems! Funny, that. Anyway, this Craigslist ad, which wants candidates who can edit film, run errands, and code HTML and would like folks to work in exchange for some new form of pay called "lunch" seemed to rank up there with the best of them—but who could the employer be?

If I'm From Rolling Stone is any indication, reality TV shows about interns are boring, because interns are boring. (Even The Hills wisely minimizes the time they spend showing Whitney and Lauren sitting in front of their iMacs doing nothing at their Teen Vogue internships.) Then again, it seems as though the only way to actually get hired as an intern is to be on a reality show. Go Go Luckey Productions is supposed to be hard at work on Rodeo Girls but they're shooting a pilot—and now they're desperate for luscious young fashion victims!

In the pantheon of love and relationships advice columnists, there's no one quite like Elle's E. Jean to tell it like it is. Whining that you're too fat to find a boyfriend? Lose weight, dumpling. Complaining that you're too much of a wallflower to find a man? You are, and no one likes a wallflower or a complainer. Darling.

With its February 13th reincarnation date rapidly approaching, Radar is ramping up staff. Are you young, ambitious, and curious about how a magazine operates when everyone realizes that it's going to go under for the third time? Here's your big break!

Ever dreamed of picking up Jessica Coen's dry cleaning or turning the many public humiliations Vogue editor Anna Wintour dishes out into the next optionable roman clef? Well, if you're coming into the home stretch of college, this might be your big break:

At Teen Vogue, an internship opportunity means more than a summer starvation diet. It's a chance to build genuine, lasting friendships: