The latest findings from our nation's top intelligence and black ops agency: our black ops have historically been pretty fucking worthless.

Just FYI, watch out if you go walking around Maine, because gross pinchy underwater spider monsters are practically overrunning the entire coastline like an army sent from hell to destroy humanity, with claws. The time for hope is past.

Looking for something to loathe? How about the brown marmorated stink bug? Last year, this species invaded the Mid-Atlantic states and caused millions of dollars of damage to our fruit and veggie crops. This year they're poised to do even more damage.

They came on foot, by bicycle and skateboard. They filled the Soho streets like a dirty flood. Traffic was blocked and the Fire Department was called. It was an art opening for pictures of naked people and everyone was there.