Lobsters Everywhere
Just FYI, watch out if you go walking around Maine, because gross pinchy underwater spider monsters are practically overrunning the entire coastline like an army sent from hell to destroy humanity, with claws. The time for hope is past.
Prices at the dock have fallen to as low as $1.25 a pound in some areas-roughly 70% below normal and a nearly 30-year-low for this time of year, according to fishermen, researchers and officials. The reason: an unseasonably warm winter created a supply glut throughout the Atlantic lobster fishery.
Your momentary elation at the fact that lobster is now cheaper than the average bag of Funyuns will quickly turn to horror as the dripping lobster armies, crushing claws held high, emerge from the sea and make their way from Maine's salty shores and onto dry land, where any resistance from mankind will be met swiftly with pinching and whisker-poking. "Why god?" you will shriek as Poseidon's clawed horde overruns your tidy home. "Who is responsible for this fresh lobster hell?"
"You and your excessive use of CFC-releasing Aqua Net™ hairspray," comes the harsh but true reply.
